Aquarius Bleach Hitsugaya
by TrisanaLonelyEyes
Summary: it's a HitsugayaXmc Mai . Mai is one day just heading home from school when she is kidnapped by Hitsugaya and told of her abilities passed down to her by her mother and father the same day that her sister dies. With her new found powers she begins to fall for Hitsugaya, but subordinate and captain relationships are forbidden
1. A new member

"Bye Mai!"

"Bye Tatsuki!" I walked away from my friend and began heading home sighing to myself, "God I love tiquando. It's a shame Kido got canceled today though."

I walked through the park; the sun was going down now. The sky was light with the last rays of the sun turning the sky a hazy hot pink that was tinted wit red and dark blue; it was gorgeous. He wasn't there though.

"It's been almost a month now. I should have given up hope a while ago. I don't know why I even care, it's not like we even talked. Something was just so familiar about him… like I saw him somewhere before. What am I saying?" I shook my head furiously of any thought about that man.

"Just come with us and there won't be any problem." I wiped around, my silver hair tied up in its dark blue ribbon caught a breeze as I glared.

"And if I refuse both?"

"Then we'll have to take you by force." All six of the guys suddenly prepared themselves for a fight.

"I was in such a good mood too," I sighed to myself then prepared for a fight myself. "It's alright I'll just get this over with then go home and study for my test tomorrow."

The six men jumped into the air and formed a circle around me. I jumped up myself and kicked the closest guy next to me in the gut, causing him to crash into the cement wall. I landed on the ground with five more opponents to take care of. I dropped to the ground and swept-kicked one of the guys. I turned around and stood up in one motion. The guy that was behind of me was now in front of me and was in the process of trying to grab me. I ducked under his arms and upper-cutted him. I turned to the guy next in line; he seemed somewhat scared; I smirked at this as I easily took him out.

Amongst the schools and behind my back I was known as 'Death's Angel'. No one dared to say it to my face, but I knew about it any ways. I don't know why they thought I couldn't hear them whisper it at the tournaments or when people talk about the matches afterwards and refer to me, but I was my emotionless mask with a hint of a smirk was my signature trade mark.

The next person in line seemed calmer than the last one, but still scared. I round house kicked the man across the face then brought my foot back across his face without touching the ground once.

"We need backup!" I heard one of the guys speak into a microphone head piece.

_**I need to get them all taken care of before the backup comes**_! I panicked as I looked for the threat, but

I kept my calm exterior.

I went towards the only guy I hadn't knocked out, but I didn't even lay a hand on him on him before three people came up behind me and grabbed me.

"Mhm mh mhm!" I shouted into the hand over my mouth. I bit down on the hand that covered my mouth, drawing blood, and kicked the person to my left in the shin, both instantly let go. I ripped my right arm free from the person's grasp and turned to face my attackers. One of my original six attackers tried to sneak up on me, but I could since him sneaking up from behind. I elbowed him in the gut and glared at my new opponents before me.

"I'll take it from here." The authority and calmness in the person's voiced caused me to look up and take my attention away from my attackers.

"It's you!" I whispered in shock.

"Come with us." He ordered me with a cold look.

"Why?" I demanded.

"It'll be explained to you later."

"I'm not going anywhere with you tell you tell me where you're taking me and why."

"Stubborn child," he grumbled.

"You're the same age as me! We even had classes together!"

"How do you remember that? It was supposed to be wiped from your memory. Never mind, it doesn't matter." What shock he seemed to of had from my words instantly vanished as if it had never existed. I almost thought it was just my imagination.

"Your name is Hitsugaya right?"

"_Captain_ Hitsugaya."

"Captain Hitsugaya." I repeated the name; liking the sound of it on my lips.

"Come with us or we will pick you up and drag you."

"I can't!"

"Why?"

"Because I have a dying sister to take care of!" I felt the tears rising to my eyes, but I forced them back. "I'm the only thing she has left so I can't go." My voice became uneasy and shaky as pushing the tears back became harder.

"What's her name?" Captain Hitsugaya's eyes looked darker and his voice was softer. It was almost as if he had gone through something similar and was remembering the incident.

"Harper Fan." I couldn't look him in the eyes I couldn't even look at him as I spoke, so instead I looked at the ground.

"She's dead. She died around five this afternoon." His voice sounded pained as he spoke those eight words. With those very same six words I felt myself become numb. I was in shock and disbelief.

"No!" I shook my head. "No she can't… she can't be dead. We were all we had! She's all I have in this world! She can't be… You're lying! I turned around and ran off to my house.

"Do you want me to-"

"No she needs to see for herself." I could hear his voice in the distance as I faded away from his line of sight.

I ran to the door, fumbling to get the keys in the lock; nothing could happen fast enough for me right now. The fifteen minuet run was too long, the keys took five seconds too slow, and I couldn't get to the back room where my sister lied fast enough, nothing was fast enough. I needed to get into my house and see her there sleep, but alive and breathing. That's all I needed and it seemed like decades before I got into that room.

"Harper! Wake up! Please!" She didn't move. I crumpled to the ground next to the bed placing my ear to her heart. But nothing could be heard. I began to shake her body, begging her to come back to me. I knew that it wouldn't bring her back, but I didn't want to admit it.

"No you can't… you promised!" Tears ran down my face as I looked at my dead sister's face through blurry vision.

I felt a hand on shoulder. I turned my head and started into those ice blue eyes. I quickly buried my head into Hitsugaya's leg and cried.

No one had ever seen me cry, let alone like this. Before I was always the strong one in the family, even when Mom and Dad died I was the strong one for my sister. But I didn't have anyone to cry my tears for me or to be strong for. They had all been taken away from me, leaving just me.

"She promised… she promised she wouldn't… that she wouldn't die… on me. She promised!"

"You can't prevent death. Even if you try."

"If I go with you… promise me… I won't… see her again. I don't think I can take it. And please don't break your promise."

"I promise."

"Thank you." I waited for just a bit longer as I worked to get my emotions under control. "I'm ready."

"Alright." He sounded somewhat upset to my ears as he spoke, but why? He didn't know Harper and he never spoke to me, so why? Could it be for the same reason his eyes darkened earlier?

He removed his hand from my back, something I hadn't noticed earlier. He pulled out his sword and I took an instant notice to its good condition; how sharp the edge was, not a single nick, and the way it reflect in the moonlight shining through the window. What really caught my attention was the wielder of the sword. He looked so strong and brave, but there was something soft to him. His muscles flexed as he held the sword. His eyes were so closed off and pained. They made me wonder what made them that way. He looked younger than he really was, just like me. There was an air of maturity and authority to him as well; which didn't surprise me with the title captain.

"Let's go."

"Huh?" His voice pulled me out of my thoughts and pulled my attention to the door now in front of me.

"OK." I stood up and followed him through the door.

I exited on the other side in what looked like an old Japanese town almost. You had houses on the first level and the higher you went up the richer you got.

"Welcome back Captain Hitsugaya. Head Captain Yamamoto is waiting for you, along with the other Captains, in the Captain Meeting Hall."

"Thank you."

"He wants you to bring the human as well."

"Alright. Follow me." Captain Hitsugaya began walking off and I did as I was instructed. He led us into the Captain Meeting Hall that was located at the top of the Old styled Japanese town. The room was full of adults, some scarier than others.

"It took you long enough." A man with long black spiky hair retorted.

"I'm sure Captain Hitsugaya has his reasons, Isn't that right?" The man who stood up for Captain Hitsugaya smiled nicely at us and had long silver hair, he seemed very nice.

"Report Captain Hitsugaya." The old man who spoke to Hitsugaya showed little respect towards him. He sat at the head of everyone with a wooden walking stick in his hands.

_**He must be the head captain.**_ I thought to myself, but didn't say a single word.

"Mai Fan refused to come and took out nine of my men down; none of them are severely injured. Once I showed up she refused to cooperation because of her sick sister, who she shortly discovered was dead." When he said the words sister and dead I felt tears surfacing again, but I refused to let them see me cry, while the wound was fresh I didn't want anyone to see me cry ever again.

"I'm sorry for your lose." The old man said taking notice to the pain I was feeling.

"Thank you, but you have nothing to feel sorry about; you didn't kill her and she was going to die eventually. It just happened sooner that I would have thought." My voice was so mono and withdrawn of emotion as I spoke that it shocked me slightly that that was my voice, coming from my mouth.

"You're very mature and handling this better than most in your situation."

"Thank you."

"Captain Hitsugaya I would like you to watch over Miss Fan. You two seem to have similar personalities and should be able to help her tame her water abilities.

"Water abilities?" I repeated to myself confused about what he was talking about. I knew I was close to water by the way it comforted and helped me think clear, but water abilities were something I didn't have. At times I would wish I did, but I knew that that would never happen. "Excuse me Mr. Head-Captain-Yamamoto, but I think you've made a mistake I don't have water abilities." I spoke up loud and clear, but with the utmost respect.

"Yes your parents are Mariel and Jake, correct?"

"Yes, but-"

"Those two were powerful Aquariuses." He spoke fondly of my parents as if remembering old times as his eyes seemed to zone out for just a moment there. Pulling himself back to the present days he continued; "The Aquarius powers are passed down generation to generation to the oldest child- you."

"Aquarius is just a thing associated to the star positions and time you were born. I was born February 19th so I'm considered a Pisces, not an Aquarius despite what some say."

"Yes that is true, an Aquarius though is something that started because they could control water. It is a rare bread and the soul society is in charge of helping them learn how to control their powers so they don't become destructive."

"This doesn't make sense," I whisper to myself as I shook my head lightly. I was begin to load with everything going on in my head from the information I was being told and still trying to cope with my sister's death. It was just too much for me. I could handle or begin to comprehend how such a normal day from bizarre to horrible and weirder, nothing was making sense to me.

I looked up to Captain Hitsugaya for reassurance. I didn't know what I was getting myself into and I knew I might regret this but I didn't see how I had much of a choice in this matter.

"I'll trust you. You've proven to be correct once before."

"Very well," the head captain said nodding his head. "It has been decided that you will be working with Captain Hitsugaya every day and will follow each other around."

_**Great I have a baby sitter, just what every teen wants**_, I thought to myself.

"Meeting dismissed." I turned towards Hitsugaya and he turned and looked at me as well, neither one of us said a word.

We both turned and walked away simultaneously and walked out of the building. I followed him, only a pace behind to a building marked ten. I looked at his white cloak, the only thing distinguishing him from the others and saw that it as well was marked with the number ten. I thought back to the meeting and how all of the other captains were wearing white cloaks with a number on their backs, but with different numbers. They all bared the numbers 2-12.

"Where's number one? Does that mean that the Head Captain bear the one? If so then that there's a rank amongst the captains," I thought out loud, unaware of me doing so.

"Yes, Head Captain Yamamoto bears the one, but the only rank amongst the captain is us comparing ourselves- there is no true ranking in the captains other than that and Captain Yamamoto being in charge."

"Now follow me, we need to get you your uniform." I did as he said and followed him to a room with mountains of the black uniforms everyone around me was wearing.

"Try this on." Hitsugaya throw a pair of pants and a top at me before I could really survey the room.

"Can I get some privacy?" My voice was clam and low, but my tone held the slightest hint of rudeness and when he walked out of the room I felt somewhat bad for being rude to him when he's been nothing but kind to me- distant, but kind.

I quickly got changed then went outside.

"How do I look?" I turned around slowly with my arms up for him to get a look. Once I completely turned around and was facing him again I looked at him expectantly, honestly wanting his opinion.

"Let's go." That was all he had to say not a 'nice' or 'it suits you' like most guys would offer, no I got a

'Let's go'. Did I not look good or something?

"Captain, that's no way to treat a girl when they ask how they look! I'm sorry, I'm still teaching him. And you look _great_ by the way! The ribbon was a nice touch!" A woman with orange hair said turning from her captain to me the scolding look changing into a smile as she complimented me.

"Thank you, it was a gift." I gave the orange haired girl a smile as I absent mindedly brought my hand up to the dark blue ribbon.

"Oh! I'm Matsumoto, this squad's lieutenant! You didn't tell me we were getting a new member Captain," she said turning back to Hitsugaya.

"I didn't know myself until a few minutes ago."

"Oh! So what's your name?"

"Mai Fan."

"Oh I know who you are now! You're that one girl from earlier! I feel so bad for you. I wanted to go after you, but Captain wouldn't let me. _In fact_ he sent the whole recovery team and me back here and went after you himself."

"Matsumoto!"

"He looked so sad." She said it as if it hurt her herself.

"Matsumoto!"

"I don't think I've ever seen him so upset before." She shook her head in dismay as she spoke.

"Matsumoto you have paper work that needs to be finished," he spoke calmly but his teeth clenched and his jaw locked.

"Oh Captain," she whined.

"Go!"

"Yes Captain," she agreed reluctantly, but turned to me before going. "See you later Mai!"

I chuckled as I watched my new lieutenant head off. "A little on the immature side but she seems really nice."

Hitsugaya rubbed his temples as he spoke. "She's a head ack."

"Yet there must be something you like about her, considering she's your lieutenant. She seems like the type that goofs around and doesn't take anything serous unless the situation serous, so I'm not guessing work ethics. I'm also guessing that she avoids things she doesn't like and is very emotional." I spoke as I walked with Hitsugaya down the hall.

"You barely had a minute with her." I shrug my shoulders.

"I can read people. Just how I'm guessing you're," I move in front of Hitsugaya's path and look him in the face, "you are mature for your age, take everything serous, didn't have much of a childhood, you're easily annoyed, and don't show your past or emotions leading to most people knowing little to nothing about you but you're still greatly loved and respected by the people closest to you. Also, I'm just going out on a limb here because I have the same issue myself, you hate being called short, people talking down to you, and being called a child." He looked at me shocked for a moment before quickly recovering. He shook his head and walked around me as if I hadn't said anything.

"You'll be sleeping in the room across from me. You will be up, dressed, and have eaten breakfast by seven o'clock to report in to me at this spot."

"Yes sir." If most teenagers my age were to say that it would of came out rude and disrespectful, but when I say it it's my way if showing my highest stander of respect.

Hitsugaya looked at me for a moment then brushed it off. "Captain Hitsugaya," he corrected.

"Sorry, Captain Hitsugaya." There it was again; that tingle on my lips as I repeated his name.

"I'll see you in the morning." That was his way of dismissing me as we both went to our separate rooms.

"Captain Hitsugaya. _Captain_ Hitsugaya." I laid there in my bed repeating his name over and over again to myself to feel that pleasant tingle on my lips as I said it. I couldn't place were that tingle was coming from, but I liked it and wished it wouldn't go away.

_**Why is it that I barely know this man, yet I couldn't help but feel somewhat drawn to him?**_

(Hitsugaya's POV)

Hitsugaya walked into his quarter, closing the door behind him without looking at it.

_**What was it about that girl? We hadn't ever known each other for a day, yet she was able to read me perfectly. She depicted Matsumoto after only speak to her for not even a minute.**_

"Wondering about Mai? She's quite a girl." Matsumoto walked into the room without knocking and seeming serious.

"What do you mean?"

"The moment she mentioned that her younger sister was dying and that she was the only thing her sister had something changed in you. What was it?"

"Nothing, but remember she's not some helpless little girl. She took out nine of our men single handedly and didn't get a single mark on her."

"But that's what lures you to her. She's mature and strong, both mentally and physically. Her sister dies and from what I've been told she didn't waver when it was brought up in the Captain Meeting, showing her ability to handle in tough situations. From what the research department has on her she has a special enphoney for water, ice to be specially and she takes up; track, tiquando, kendo, and she's known as Death's Angel. A beauty that is so nice and unnaturally calm, but could kill you in a second, plus most people say she has the face of an angel. What do you think?"

"I think you need to mind your own business."

Hitsugaya didn't want to admit it, but he knew Matsumoto was correct; he was interested in Mai. Something about her was different. It didn't mean that he like her; in fact he found it scary on how easy she could read him. At the same time he admired how quickly she took out his men.

"I'll leave you alone now. Enjoy your time with Mai tomorrow!" Matsumoto left the room back to her normal happy, no serious self.

Hitsugaya sighed to himself as he climbed in bed whirling with thoughts.


	2. Off to a not so good start

I woke up early the next morning so I could find my way to the cafeteria because for some reason I always manage to get lost, no matter what precautions I take beforehand. Walking out to the hallway I see almost no one there.

_**There goes that idea. Guess I can't ask for directions**_, I think to myself as I look around to see if anything would direct me in the general direction, but everything looks exactly the same.

"Ok so it was right… I think." I headed off to my right and follow the corridor, but nothing seems to changed and I soon hit a fork in the road. I stick my head down both corridors and they both look exactly the same; with door after more doors but I turn right again. As I go down further corridors I find myself getting nowhere and just going down whatever corridor looks the best to me tell I hit a dead end.

"I'm so lost," I sigh to myself. "Why am I so bad with directions?" I cry, but then sigh to myself in despair. "Well let's just head back." I turn around and begin to head back the way I thought I came tell I found myself lost again.

"Why do all these stupid halls look exactly the same?" I scream in frustration.

"Would you like some help?" I hear someone chuckling from behind me.

"Yes, please! You wouldn't know what time it is perhaps?"

"Yah, it's seven-thirty."

"What? I'm late!" I began to panic as I picture Hitsugaya waiting patiently but clearly not happy with me I bolt before my mind registers the action. I turned down corridor after corridor and ran down random hallways in the hopes that one was the correct one, tell I saw Hitsugaya standing in front of my room waiting with a scowl on his face; telling me he wasn't very happy with me.

"I'm so sorry, I got lost! I got up early to find the cafeteria and went down the right hall and more and more tell I came to a dead end! I'm so so so _so_ sorry I'm late, please forgive me!" I said the words too fast for him to even understand and the words sounded like gibberish, even to me, but I think understood by the way I bowed to him and was panting for breath. I could tell by the flash of confusion that the words made no sense to him, but my actions lead him to understand.

Once I caught my breath I tried to apologize to him again.

"I was trying to get to the cafeteria when I got lost. I woke up early in case something like this happened and I'm so so _so_ sorry I'm late Captain Hitsugaya.

"Hey!" I turn around suddenly to see who was yelling and see the shaggy black haired boy from earlier who offered to help me.

"Oh, it's you." I say as he approaches Hitsugaya and me.

"You're one fast runner. I wasn't even able to keep up with you." The guy spoke between pants as he leaned doubled over trying to catch his breath. "Did you find where you were trying to go?" He asked once he had his breath back.

"No, but I was supposed to met with Captain Hitsugaya over half an hour ago."

"Oh, Captain Hitsugaya!" The boy bowed deeply to Hitsugaya as if just noticing that he was there.

"Haru," Hitsugaya said as his way of acknowledging the boy's presence. "Let's go." Hitsugaya turns walk past Haru without a word of goodbye.

"Alright Captain. Bye Haru." I run up next to Hitsugaya and fell in toe. The two of us walked in silence, but I couldn't help feel that something was bugging him.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," Hitsugaya replied coldly.

"Alright," I hadn't expected Hitsugaya to give me a proper answer with how distant he is, but I felt like I should at least try. Beside just trying to be nice I thought since I would be personally trained on how to use my 'powers' and that he was now my assigned baby sitter that I should know what I was getting into because when a person is in a foul mood it is pushed on those around them.

We walked in silence, neither one of us feeling like talking, until Hitsugaya suddenly stopped. If I had been paying attention it wouldn't have been a problem, but I wasn't paying attention and accidently ran into him.

"Sorry," I offer.

"You follow too close." I look up at him caught off guard by his harsh voice and somewhat shocked by it.

"Are you afraid of getting lost or are you just a lost puppy?" His voice was so harsh as he spoke with his back turned towards me.

"I'm doing as I was told." I snapped at him, growing irritated at how rude he was being towards me.

"If you were just doing as you were told you wouldn't follow me so closely or care if something was on my mind. You would simply just train then leave me alone, but you're not. So obviously you are not doing just as you are told!"

I couldn't look at him. His words hurt me, though they shouldn't. I didn't really know this guy, he was only the captain assigned to baby sit me. Yet his cold tone hurt me as if an iceberg was surrounding me and I stood alone without any protection from the cold because for some reason I had felt like I was growing close to him but it seemed as if he hated me, but did it matter because he was right.

"Fine," I walked pass him into the grassy area before us.

"I-"

"No you're right." I turn to face him without an emotion to show. "If I simply doing as I'm told I shouldn't care and I won't. From now on I will simply take orders and do as I'm told. I will not ask questions and will do what I'm supposed to. It's not like I belong in this world or place. Once you teach me how to use and control my powers I will go back to Earth and act as if I never met any of you or even come to this place. So what's your order Captain?" I spoke in an even, clear voice and didn't even use his name. From this point on he was simply an authority and everyone else were simply other people who were and never will be my friends.

"Change the current of that river." That order started my new life style as a robot.

A week Later (Hitsugaya's POV)

Hitsugaya was in his office working on paper work. Today was his only day that he didn't have to work with Mai on her training and he normally spent it catching up on any work that he could not get to during the rest of the week.

"Captain does something seem wrong with Mai, as if she's not herself?" Matsumoto asked as she walked into the office.

"No, why do you ask?" Hitsugaya looked up from his stakes of paper work to see Matsumoto making her way of to her captain.

"Well I just passed her on the way to the office and when passed her in the hall I said hi. She simply nodded her head and said _nothing_! _Nothing_, Captain!" Matsumoto began to freak out as she told the story to her Captain.

"What did you do to her?" Matsumoto demanded as she slammed her hands down on her Captain's desk.

"Why do you think I did anything?" Hitsugaya seemed so calm on the outside, but inside he knew that something wasn't right. Mai had been like this ever since their fight and he did know what to do. He had hoped that the change was only towards him, but with this news coming from Matsumoto he could tell that it wasn't, she was taking this serious.

"Because you are the only one she talks to and is ever around. Mai is only seen in the cafeteria for food or is out training for ungodly hours. Captain, you better not have hurt that pour girl after her sister just died on her. You know just as well as I do that that sister was the only thing that girl had left and now even that is lost on her. Do you understand how hard that is on a girl?" Matsumoto was ferrous and while Hitsugaya could understand he couldn't understand why Matsumoto cared so much.

"I simply told her that if she was only taking orders she wouldn't care." Hitsugaya spoke to Matsumoto, but never looked up at her as he spoke. He was trying to use the paper work as an excuse as a way to hide how he really felt, but he had stopped working on that the moment Matsumoto brought up Mai's weird behavior.

"Captain! What were you thinking? She's trying to make friends and get adjusted to her new home! Captain what am I going to do with you?" Matsumoto's voice softens as she looks at her captain's shock at her sudden outburst. "Captain she's hurt by what you told her so she's distancing herself from so you won't be mad at her and no one can hurt her." Hitsugaya looked at her in shock by what Matsumoto had just told him until he realized something that his lieutenant just said.

"So you're blaming this all on me?" Hitsugaya asked in a calm voice but inside he was boiling.

"No, but if you can live with yourself then you can just let this continue."

"Just do your job and stay out of other people's business that doesn't involve you."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
>(Mai's POV)<p>

It was Monday which meant that the week began and I met up with Hitsugaya to begin my training again. It wasn't that easy for both of us because I never spoke a word unless I was saying 'Yes, Captain Hitsugaya' to inform him that I understand. While I hated to admit it, though, saying his name still left a slight tingle on my lips, but even that was slowly dwindling.

I was waiting at the training ground, early as usual. Now that I knew where everything was located it was easier to find my way around the 10th squad barracks and I had plenty of free time that I spent by training tell it was time for dinner and from there I took a shower and went to bed.

"Mai." I turned my head towards the voice coming towards me to see Captain Hitsugaya walking towards me right on time for training to begin. "Begin your warm up."

"Yes, Captain Hitsugaya." The warm up was quiet basic compared to what he has me working on now. It consisted of changing the tides of the water and creating waves in the water. To most people this would sound pretty easy, but it wasn't it took me half a week to master it and now it was considered warm up. I was not happy when I found out this would be considered warm up, but I've grasped the hang of it.

"Mai?" I turned my head and looked at Hitsugaya in silence.

"Am I the reason you've become like this?"

"I don't understand Captain Hitsugaya." Those three words are the first words said that was not in my recent three word dictionary, but I couldn't think of any other way to word my confusion. What did Hitsugaya mean 'become like this', I was just taking orders. Taking orders is what he wants correct, that is what I'm doing taking orders and I hadn't changed that much really, have I?

"You've become a robot that eats, sleeps, and trains."

"Yes Captain Hitsugaya."

"Stop it." He spoke bluntly and withdrawn of emotion himself.

"I thought this is what you want; someone that doesn't ask questions or care about the people around her. You're the one that said I wasn't just taking orders, well that's what I'm doing." I spoke clearly hating the fact that I was breaking my three word only rule and speaking so much- I was not just taking orders. I needed to stop all this taking and go back to the good little girl and that's what I planned to do.

"You're not being you!" His raised voice caught me off guard, Hitsugaya had raised his voice only once at me before but mainly would use a stern voice if something was bothering him.

"What does it matter?" I don't know why but something about him raising his voice triggered something in me and an anger buried somewhere deep inside me exploded without a warning. "I'm leaving as soon as I master my powers! You can have your life back and I can get on with mine and deal with the problems of living alone, going to work and school, and paying the bills along with tuition! So what does it _matter_ because as soon as I leave your out of the equation?" My anger was out of control, but I've been so emotional recently and barring it away has only caused them to build up inside me, putting me on the verge of tears. As I began to spoke again my voice could no longer hold that anger as I spoke shakily. "None of you are part of my life and once you're finished with your job," I take a shaky breath and begin again, "I'm just going to be something of the past. You won't care how I'm doing and you won't visit me. So why, why do you care what I do? I don't mean anything to you, just as you shouldn't mean anything to me. So what does it matter if I save myself the heartache, Captain Hitsugaya?"

I felt the tears sliding down my cheeks against my will. I didn't want to seem pathetic by crying over something, but I stood before my temporary captain; stone face with tears slowly sliding down my cheeks but I refused to acknowledge them, instead I stood staring at him unblinkingly.

_**He shouldn't mean anything to me. He is just my **__**authority**__**, not my friend.**_ I told myself over and over again because I knew I was right, but I couldn't help but have some sort of feelings for him. What those feelings were I didn't know.

"Because you are on my squad." He spoke clearly, unlike me.

I released a harsh laugh.

"Ha, I forgot that I'm just another responsibility. Well don't worry I won't ruin your prefect reputation. In fact if you like I could just exist in the background unnoticed." I could almost taste the false happiness intertwined with my own words. "You can let me go home and we all pretend we never met! It's a happily ever after for us all! Doesn't that just sound great?"

"No, it's not! You're more than just another responsibility to me!"

"Then what am I Hitsugaya?" My voice was low and my eyes refused to meet his. If I wasn't a responsibility to him than what could I be? He didn't want me to care from what I could gather from are argument a week ago, so what did he want? If he wasn't happy with me just taking orders, then what did he want? Everything was contradicting each other and I didn't know where I stood with him or how he wanted me to stand.

"I don't know! At first I thought of you simply as someone I had to capture and tame, and then I started to feel sorry for you when you told me about your sister. When I saw you crying I wanted nothing more than to confer you and stop your tears. Once I brought you here I needed to distance myself and when I snapped at you it I was frustrated at myself and took it out at you." His words softened and he seemed just as confused and irritated as I did. I felt somewhat sorry for causing him to be like this and I knew that I wouldn't be able to take much more of this, but I was glad that I got my tears to stop flowing momentarily.

"You were right though," I offered bringing my eyes up to look at him. It was my biggest mistake yet.

"No I was wrong and you shouldn't just take orders!"

"Captain, my I please leave the training grounds?" I looked at him with pleading eyes that was not reflected on my face. I knew I probably didn't seem as strong and composed as I hoped I did, but I tried to keep the strength up.

"Yes," he seemed reluctant as if he still had more to say, but he still let me go. The problem though was while he still had more to say I had heard more than I wish I had.


	3. I was wrong

**RECAP**: Mai and Hitsugaya got into an argument. Mai pretty much became a robot and Hitsugaya and her got in another argument because of the out come of the last one and now Mai is walking away from the traing ground. 

I left the training ground with a slow steady pace, looking straight ahead as to not let on to my distress. I only had a few steps to stake before I was out of sight from Hitsugaya, but those steps only seemed to get farther as I came closer and every second became harder and more unbearable. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't let myself cry in front of Hitsugaya, not like this.

I was only a step away and I could feel the tears begin to surface, but I refused to start running yet. I rounded the corn and let the tears fall freely, unable to hold on any longer. I needed to get away and the only thought in my head was 'I need to get to my room'. I don't care who sees me crying or running because none of them mattered to me right now.

"Mai!" I could hear the voice, but I couldn't place the name to the voice. I ignored the voice and just kept running. "Mai!" The voice screamed again and grabbed my arm this time, pulling me into an embrace, but I don't want anyone to hold me. I didn't want anyone's sympathy; I wanted to be alone in my room.

"Let go of me!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and began to struggle; flaring my arms and legs desperately trying to get free.

"Mai what's wrong?" I looked up at the person holding me with pleading, teary eyes and begged him;

"Please, Haru, let me go." I could see the pain in his eyes as he looked down at me. He didn't want to see me like this and he desperately wanted to help me, but I could tell that he didn't know how to help me and I didn't want his help.

"Mai are you alright?" I knew that voice as well, but it wasn't until I saw the face as she ran up to Haru and me that I realized it was Matsumoto calling out my name.

"What happened?" She asked as she too looked at me with that pained and concerned face.

"I just need to get to my room!" I screamed as I began to struggle against Haru again.

"Did Captain say something?" Matsumoto asked seeming somewhat hopeful and desperate. I couldn't guess why she would hope Hitsugaya would talk to me, but I could understand why she would be desperate. Haru was beginning to lose his grip on me and was in some pain.

I felt bad for hurting him, but I wanted free.

"Yes but… that's not it… I'm just… confused." I spoke between desperate struggles and thought of my words carefully as I spoke- I didn't want to give away too much.

"What he say?" She asked calmly, but I could hear the slightest hint of anxiousness in her voice.

"That he was wrong… and he doesn't know what to think of me. I was being a robot… and I thought… that's what he wanted. I'm so angry, but… I don't know." My struggling slowly dwindled down to nothing as I began to choke on my words and the tears began to come out again.

_**Not here. Not in front of them,**_ I thought trying to compose myself. I couldn't do it.

"Oh, sweetie," Matsumoto said taking me in her arms and pulled me to her to cry, and cry I did. "Haru, why don't you get some tea for Mai and I'll take her to her room."

"Yes lieutenant Matsumoto." Haru took off at top speed and Matsumoto slowly guided me to my room as I cried.

As we entered my room I clapsed on my bed and cried my heart out on Matsumoto's lap as she tried to calm me down. It didn't take long for Haru to join us and he too joined Matsumoto in trying to calm me down.

"You poor thing, just let it all out."

"I'm so confused." I cried for about a half hour trying to explain to them why I was confused, but I don't think they understood why I was confused even when I did finish balling my eyes out.

"Do you feel any better?" Haru asked as Matsumoto petted my hair.

"Yah, thank you guys."

"Here," Haru said handing me some of the tea he brewed for me.

"Thank you," I say as I sit up properly and take a sip of the cold tea. I'm sure that when Haru had brought me the tea twenty minutes ago it was steaming hot, but between the time he made it and now it had cooled.

"So what happened?" Matsumoto asked.

"It doesn't matter," I tell them with a light shake of my head.

"Yes it does! You ran away crying, Mai!" Haru jumped in.

"No, I walked away calmly _then_ ran away crying when he couldn't see me." I corrected.

"Mai," I could hear Hitsugaya's voice from the other side of the door before he opened it and stood before me.

My body froze at the sight of him. Terror filled my body and it pained me to see him after everything that had happened to me. How was I going to confront him like this? My face was still tear stained, eyes puffy and glazed, and my face was now splotchy. Why did he have to show after I just got done crying?

"Yes, Captain Hitsugaya?" It wasn't my normal emotionally darned replies, it held emotion but I wish it didn't. My voice sounded hoarse from the crying and pathetic to my ears, I couldn't imagine what I sounded like to him.

"Was I the one that made you cry?" His voice sounded hurt and sound. When I looked up at him, though, he looked calm and collect like a captain should, but his eyes told a different story. His eyes weren't red from crying like mine, but his were full of hurt.

_When I saw you crying I wanted nothing more than to confer you and stop your tears._ His words that he told me earlier played back in my head. I understood why he was upset and felt hurt. His hurt was not of his own, but because he never wanted to see me cry and now I was crying because of him. He knew the tears I shed were because of him because after leaving suddenly in the middle of training and now I bared the proof of crying.

"No," I lied for his sake, but I was almost positive that he knew I was lying to him.

"Matsumoto, Haru go." I looked up at my two friends who looked from Hitsugaya than back at me. They didn't want to leave me while I was like this, but they couldn't defy their captain's order.

"Take care and if you need anything at all just let me know." Matsumoto said hugging me before leaving.

"Stay strong and you know I'm always there for you Mai," Haru said hugging me as well before leaving me alone with Hitsugaya.

"Thank you. Bye guys." I turned my head towards Hitsugaya without any reason to not meet his gaze anymore.

"Tell me the truth this time, was I the one that made you cry?" He demanded but his voice held softness in it.

"Yes," I said weakly. I could feel the tears coming back but I didn't know the cause of them this time.

"Why did you lie to me?" His voice was soft towards me but held controversy harshness in it. I knew he wasn't happy about me lying to him and I didn't want to hurt him, which is why I lied in the first place but he didn't know that, yet.

"I didn't want to hurt you," I confessed.

"You don't need to protect me." He spoke softly to me as any anger he was feeling for me lying to him disappeared.

"I don't want to hurt you either!" Panic rose in my voice as I spoke but I quickly got it back under control. "I know once I leave here I'm just going to be a memory that might cross yours, Haru's, and Matsumoto's mind once in a blue moon, but I don't want to hurt anyone. Especially you when all you meant to hurt me or make me cry only confer and help me." I felt a single tear slid down my cheek as my voice softened even more and I placed my head on his shoulder as he sat down next to me. "Please at least let me not hurt you because that's all I really can do." He didn't say a single word to me. I looked up at him pleadingly and felt his arm wrap around me. I liked the feel of being in his arms and being held by him, it was comforting and made me feel safe. It didn't take very long for me to find sleep in his arms as we stayed like this in silence, neither one of us daring to brake the silence.


	4. Training

_Click.___

My eyes flew open to the sudden sound of a door closing. I looked around myself and saw that day had broken and that I was still in my room.

_**We must have both fallen asleep,**_ I think to myself.

"Might as well get up," I sigh as I stand up and quickly get changed before heading over to the training ground so not to be late.

"How are you feeling?"

"Good and you Matsumoto?" I ask as she joins me on my way to the training ground.

"Great, thank you for asking! Hey, what did Captain want yesterday? I tried asking him, but he wouldn't tell me." She wined, clearly upset that she was left out of the loop.

"Oh, nothing really." I hated to lie to her, but if Hitsugaya didn't want to let her know about it then how could I go behind his back and tell her. Not just that but how could I tell her anything if I myself didn't really know what happened. I knew what we did, but not what really happened between us. Had we truly made up were we both just so upset that we just wanted to have someone there for us. I couldn't explain it to her if I couldn't explain to myself what happened exactly.

I knew one thing for certain; I hated waking up without him. I assumed that since I was covered up in the blankets and the door shut to wake me up that he left then, but I wish I could have seen him before he left.

_I never expected to wake up with him still there; we weren't dating, were not really friends, and it's not his job. Yet, why was I so upset that he wasn't there when I woke_ _up? _I shook my head at my train of thoughts. _He is my captain! I cannot have thoughts or feelings like that of him!_ I corrected myself sternly as I pulled my mind back to the current world.

"Um, Matsumoto I got to go." I turned to my right and began to walk the short distance from where I stood with Matsumoto to my training ground.

"Oh, sure I'll finish telling you the story later." I nodded my head and took off. I hadn't even noticed Matsumoto talking and what story was she telling me. I suddenly felt bad for not paying attention to Matsumoto. She was such a good friend, but I hadn't even been paying attention though she was there for me yesterday and stuck by me through that week I was a jerk to everyone.

"I'll make sure to talk to her later," I vow to myself as I stop in front of the training ground early as always.

"We'll be working with sword cuts today." Hitsugaya tells me as he approaches me. I nod my head.

"I've been told that you're a swords master," He comments as he looks at me. I could see it in his eyes; he was searching for something in me.

"I guess. I'm known as Death's Angel." I loathed that name, I truly did. It was so natural to introduce myself as it though; that was my name in other schools. When I was at a tournament the ref didn't even bother to call me by my real name; I was Death's Angel.

"Why?" I shrugged my shoulder at his question, unsure myself.

"I guess the way I fight." I answered him as honestly as I could, but I myself wish I knew why.

"Let's see 25 horizontal cuts going down." Hitsugaya handed me an extra sword that he had brought with him.

"Thank you," I say bowing as I took it from him. Bowing before taking any weapon, from a person or from where ever you got it from, was a tradition that dated back to the Samira. It was a tradition that my Sempai had taught me when I first started training years ago.

I throw the sheath over my shoulder without a second thought.

" Mhm? Did I do something wrong? I asked catching the look Hitsugaya gave to me for the way I put just my sheath. "I know it's not the most practical way to carry a sword, but I always feel more conferrable with it there." I chuckle to myself lightly. "My Sempai used to get on my case everyday because of the way I wear my sheath, but it wasn't tell after a year that he gave up trying to get me to wear on my hip." As I spoke to Hitsugaya I did my 25 cuts, not seeming to be really paying much attention to my strikes.

"You hesitate before each cut, why?" Hitsugaya turned his attention from the tip of my blade to my face. I could see the wheels spinning in his head as he analyzed me for something to give away the answer.

"Most don't even notice and even less know why. I think only my sister knew why…" My voice trailed off and I diverted my eyes from his face so he couldn't see the pain in them.

"You don't have to tell me."

"No," I shook my head then forced myself to look at him, "I think you should probably know why. My life has been nothing but death. When I first met you I told you I was all my sister had left. Most people would assume I was being over dramatic, that there was be a cousin, or aunt, or grandparent. There isn't in our family because my sister and I were the last of the Fan bloodline. Now I'm the last one left."

"When I hold a weapon in my hand, even a wooden version, I keep in mind that a weapon is still a weapon. From the way I took out your subordinates and my dreaded nickname you might not believe it, but I hate to hurt anyone and I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of the things I can do to someone. If I ever truly lost my temper I'm afraid I might not be able to control myself. I've seen what anger can do to a person and I don't want to put anyone through the same thing I was put through at a young age because of anger." I could feel my throat tightening up and I knew what would come next if I wasn't careful.

"How did they die?" Hitsugaya asked cautiously.

"My dad had just sealed a deal with a business and when most of the employees were fired to be replaced with new ones one of the worker had become mad." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before regaining my calm exterior. "A couple months had passed before one of the old employees had gotten angry and killed my parents in front of my sister and me, with a sword." Hitsugaya looked at me with surprise. My favorite weapon was a sword and I was known for my sword skills, but for my parents to be killed by my favorite weapon must have been a shock for him.

"Then why do you fight with a sword." I didn't reply, but when he was about to take it back I replied.

"In a way to remind myself of my parents because they were both expert sword masters, this is why the man killed them with a sword. I also train with a sword as a way to remind me that what I'm doing is something I enjoy and find fun and while it makes me stronger I need to remember that it also makes me dangerous and I need to keep control over my temper. Learning the ways of a warrior teaches you how to control your body and push you both mentally and physically, but it don't teach you how to make the right choices- shown by the man who killed my parents."

"Do you want to call it a day?" Hitsugaya asked looking at me with concern.

"No I'm fine," I tell him, offering a small smile. He nodded his head.

"All right." I looked forward with a determination and began to complete every drill Hitsugaya throw at me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
>(Hitsugaya's POV)<p>

"How do your arms feel?" Hitsugaya asked as he led Mai through the hallway after training finished.

"Fine for right now. I'll probably be sore tomorrow." She said as she rolled her shoulders a bit. Mai wasn't paying attention to Hitsugaya, but Hitsugaya was watching her to make sure he hadn't over done it today.

"I have some ice in my freezer. It should help with the soreness you'll feel."

"Thank you," Mai said turning towards him with a smile.

"It's nothing," Hitsugaya said brushing it off coldly.

_I can't let her get to close to me, but I can at least help her. There is no harm in that._ Hitsugaya thought trying to convince himself that this would be ok because he was only helping out Mai.

"Here," Hitsugaya said as he handed her the small wraps that were frozen in ice.

"Captain Hitsugaya, not to be rude but how is this supposed to help? The wraps are frozen in ice and ice doesn't bend."

"I know they form to the person's body, like this." Hitsugaya stepped forward and lifted up Mai's arm gently and showed her how he took the cloth and slipped it over her hand and brought it up careful, as he said the cloth formed to her skinny arm. "See?" Hitsugaya asked as he looked from the hand that he cherished up to her eyes. She seemed to be a little confused by the way she was looking at him and it made him regret doing it.

"You should be able to get the second one yourself," Hitsugaya said as he turned his back to her and opened the door to show her the way out.

"Thank you," she said as she walked out of Hitsugaya's room and into the hall. "Have a nice night." She spoke with a smile on her face, but Hitsugaya could tell she felt like she did something wrong but that Mai didn't know what.

"Night," Hitsugaya closed the door and went to his desk to begin working on his paperwork, but he found himself unable to.

He sighed deeply to himself.

_I acted to that the way I was supposed to. I can't let her get to close. She doesn't belong in this world and she'll only forget about me when she leaves._ Hitsugaya curses himself as he remembered that those are almost the same words she said to him yesterday as her justification for her behavior. _It's not an excuse like her was. Mine is the truth and I shouldn't get close to any of my subordinates, whether they stay for long time or short time. I cannot show favoritism to any of my subordinates._


	5. For sister

"Mai!" Matsumoto called as she entered my room.

"mhm," I complain as I roll back over.

"Oh come on sleepy head it's almost seven, you're supposed to be up.

"I'm tired," I told her as I pulled the covers over my head.

"How late were you up again?" She asked and I could practically see her with her hands on her hips ready to scold me.

"6 in the morning," I told her honestly.

I had been up all night again training on a new sword attack that combined both my water abilities and swordsmanship in one. When Hitsugaya had left me last night at eight for dinner I was sore and horrible at the move, but it was more difficult with Hitsugaya refusing to make any contact with me. I don't know what caused it, but think it has something to do with two nights ago when he loaned me that ice wrap of his. I can't place why he would mad at me. I had given it back the next morning and thanked him but he simply took it and closed the door in my face. What the hell! I hadn't woken him because the light was on in his room and it was 15 minutes to 7 so he was supposed to be heading to the training grounds, which he showed up late to.

"Please tell me you were at least partying and not just training again." Matsumoto pleaded. I offered her a smile than said sheepishly;

"I was partying."

"How could you lie to me like that?" She shouted.

"You asked me to tell you that I spent my nigh partying not training!" I shouted back.

"You know what; I'm taking you to a club tonight and instead of spending your day training like you always do you're going to spending the day with me!"

"I'm sorry Matsumoto," I tell her as I cross my arms across my chest, "but I'm not doing it."

"But Mai, you _have too_."

"And why is that?"

"Because," she searched frantically for an idea. "Because I as your lieutenant I am ordering you to spend the day with me."

"But Matsu-"

"Nope, no buts in this matter. Now let's go!" Matsumoto grabbed my hand and began to drag me out of my room.

"Matsumoto stop!" I cry as I grab onto the door with dear life.

"What- oh," she said releasing me.

"Matsumoto- Mai what are you doing out of your room?" Hitsugaya said with wide eyes. The only thing I can think of saying was;

"I was dragged out of bed," and even that came out weakly. I felt a deep line of blush feel my cheeks as shame and embarrassment filled me. I was standing in front of Hitsugaya, clinging to a door, in just my bra and under wear. Part of me was grateful that they weren't granny underwear or a sports bra, I was in a black bra with dark blue lace as a trim and matching lacy underwear, the other part of me would have been less embarrassed is he had seen me in granny underwear and a sports bra. I stood in front of Hitsugaya completely exposed, but it looked like I wasn't the only one embarrassed.

Hitsugaya was looking at me wide eyed at first but then quickly looked away with a deep blush. He didn't know how to take it, but neither did I. I never had something like this happened. Never had a guy seen me in anything other than what I normally wore and the most exposing thing I wore outside was my school uniform. A guy had never seen me like this because I never made out with someone, I never had time for a boyfriend because I was always taking care of my sister and when I wasn't doing that I was at practice of some sort.

"Go-go get dressed," Hitsugaya stammered but quickly recovered himself.

"Ye-yeah," I say stammering to myself as I stumble backwards. I fall on my butt as I close the door behind me.

How was a sane, normal person supposed to react to something like this? Were they supposed to scream and be terrified? Were they supposed to cry of embarrassment or crumple to their knees in shock? I did something of both. I crumpled to my knees as tears silently fell and choked screams came out as I found myself laughing hysterically. I guess laughing hysterically because of some reason I don't know was something to add to the list. Maybe I was over reacting, but I was in so much shock and embarrassment with so little sleep that I had formed dark circles and slight bags under my eyes.

"Mai, are you alright?" I hear Matsumoto ask from the other side of the door.

"Uh, yah I'm fine. I'm just getting dressed is all!" I call to her as I pull myself together and get dress so not to alarm Matsumoto.

"You're not really planning on wearing that out to the club; you need to bring a change of clothes for after the hot springs." I look down at my stander wear.

"How do you plan on spending a whole day at the hot tub?" I ask her.

"We're not; first we're going to hot springs, then to town to go shopping, and _then_ we go to the club." She explains.

"Then why don't I get my club clothes there because I don't have anything to go to the club in yet.

"All right," she sighs.

"Thank you," I say with a smile.

"I just hope Captain Hitsugaya doesn't get mad at me. I'm supposed to be training today." I wish quietly to myself.

"Oh Captain needs a break. He stays up so late normally working on paper work after training you. You know between the two of you, you both don't equal eight hours of sleep a night. You two are deprived of sleep. Just look at those bags under your eyes!"

"What bags?" I ask as my hand shoots up to my eyes and I could feel the little bag beginning to form.

"And you have dark circles."

"No I don't," I say as my hand begins to lightly rub the bags under my eyes. I didn't understand why I was caring so much; something like this never bothered me before. The only reason I could come up with was that I was still self-conscious from the incident earlier today.

"Let's go get those bags fixed!" Matsumoto shouted with glee as she grabbed my hand and began to drag me out of the Tenth Squad Barracks and past the wall that surrounded the Gotei 13 and into a place I've never seen before.

Matsumoto slowed down into a walking pace, allowing me to take in my surroundings. Everyone around us was wearing kimonos and no one was wearing the uniform except Matsumoto and me. It was like we were in a little feudal Japan era village and Matsumoto were the military because everyone moved out of our way and would bow to us. I watched as people stopped what they were doing to look at us.

"Stop you little thieves! Get back here with those stolen goods!" I looked up to find the source of the yelling was an old man chasing after a little kid.

It reminded me of when I was about seven and had been put in the same desperate situation to get food for my sister. I didn't want to use all of the money my parents gave to me and my sister with inherits because it was meant to pay the bills and get my sister through school. I had become so busy with my own schooling and running my fathers and mothers business that I had almost no time for myself and dropped out of school so I could take care of my sister's life. I went on like that until to two months later and my sister found out, forcing me to go back to school and I learned how to balance all of this.

"I'm going to cut off your hands and teach you a lesson for stealing my food!" The man yelled as he closed the distance between him and the kids. I stepped in front of the man as the kids ran behind me; both the kid and the man were panting heavily

"What proof do you have that makes these kids thieves?" I demanded and can feel the little kid clutching onto my leg for dear life.

"I caught them stealing the food!" The man yelled at me. I arched an eyebrow upwards at the man.

"Are you _raising_ your voice at _me_?" I ask daring him to answer yes.

"N-No mama." He stuttered as fear rose in his voice.

"I thought so. Now did you really steal that food?" I ask looking down at the little kids clutching to me for dear life. The little boy clutching my right leg couldn't have been older than five, but he nodded his head.

"And why did you do that?" I ask sweetly.

"For-For my sister. She's dying and needs to eat." I could feel my heart breaking as I looked at him. He was only five, six at oldest, and was taking care of his sister.

"Where is your respect little boy?" The man demanded as he raised his hand to hit the boy.

"Don't touch him," I growl as I grab his wrist and squeezed his wrist; causing him to crumple to the ground in pain.

"Are you alright?" I ask the boy kindly.

"Ye-yes mama."

"Here is the money for the food and here is some extra money for you and your sister." I tell the boy after paying for the food. "Don't get caught next time," I whisper for the boy's ears only.

"Now both of you be on your ways because I have somewhere my lieutenant and I have to be."

"Yes Mama," the store owner says as he runs off to his shop.

"Thank you," the little boy says and bows to me before running off.

"That was sweet of you," Matsumoto says as we begin to walk off to where ever she was planning on taking me.

"Hm," I say shrugging my shoulders.

"You're just going to brush that off! That was like a whole different side of you that I've never seen! How can you just brush something like that off?" She shots shocked by my lack of care on the matter.

"I lost my tempura with the man, what's to be proud of that? And honestly I could care less." That last statement wasn't completely true; I was wondering how the little boy and his sister were doing and I had just barely sent the boy off. My mind kept thinking that I could still catch up to him if I started to run, but I knew that I wouldn't be allowed to.

"Just because you lost your tempura doesn't mean that you shouldn't have pride in what you did." Matsumoto told me, but I didn't say anything I just wanted the mater to be dropped.


	6. The mall

(Hitsugaya's POV)

Hitsugaya sat at his desk, trying to work on the pile of paperwork he had sitting in front of him. His thoughts were not with the paperwork as he absent mindedly signed his name he thought of what Mai and Matsumoto where up to. He was beyond angry at both of them, Matsumoto more than Mia. Mia knew that they had training today and still she left with Matsumoto. It was irresponsible of both of them. But he was worried about her as well.

Hitsugaya knew Mia has been over working herself because of the dark circles forming under her eyes he saw earlier today. Blushing at the thought of that image floating in his head he tried to get rid of it. He found it inappropriate for him to be thinking such thought about her, but it didn't go away. Her skin looked so soft and smooth when bared. The way the lacy underwear and bra clung to her skin and formed to her figure, enfacing her curvy figure. He found the look of embracement on her face as she clung to the door adorable, but he knew it was never alright for him to think of a member of his squad that way.

"I'll get them when Matsumoto goes to that club of her's at night time," Hitsugaya says then looks down at the paperwork he just signed not even knowing he had.

(Mia's POV)

I sigh to myself as I sink down farther into the hot water being careful of the mask on my face. Matsumoto was right and this was relaxing but my mind was elsewhere right now.

"Come on my how can you be so depressed when you just got your nails done and are in the best hot spring around _and_ have a facial mask of the best quality?" Matsumoto asks as she looks at me with disappointment.

Matsumoto was right though, I should be happy. I couldn't help it though. I was worried about what Hitsugaya was feeling, surely he was angry with me and maybe even disappointed because I skipped out on practice today.

_I'll make it up to him and work extra hard and longer night,_ I tell myself.

"No," Matsumoto said suddenly and startling me a bit.

"No what?" I ask confused.

"I took you out because you train _too much_. Between you and Captain you two still don't get eight hours of sleep. You're up tell six in the morning normally and Captain goes to bed at four normally but both of you the other day didn't go to bed tell six in the morning. What is wrong with you people?" Matsumoto shouts the last part at me in frustration.

It was obvious that she was upset with us; she made that loud and clear. I felt kind of bad for worrying her so much, but it wasn't really her place to be telling me I shouldn't train so much and my body was used to weird sleep patterns because of running my parents businesses by myself and going to school. Going the clubs I did didn't help much but my sister wanted me to go to college as well, which I didn't need, so I joined them to help me stand out to the colleges I apply to and ended up enjoying them. It wasn't plan and made sleep harder because I needed to be at the top, but it was worth it.

"We're dedicated to our work, that's all there is to it Matsumoto." I speak calmly as I soak in the steam.

"But you need to enjoy yourself and not push yourself so much. While you're dedicated nothing is worth it if you end up only hurting yourself in the end." Matsumoto didn't seem like her normal self as she spoke. There was no joking behind it and she spoke with a slight smile.

"Besides you're too young to get wrinkles," Matsumoto shouted back to her normal self.

"My completion is not my first priority. Getting back to continue running two multimillion business is." I speak with a sigh in voice. I hated running them and going to school, but none of the students can ever guess the stress put on me and while everyone would guess that the school would cut me some slack it doesn't I just get excused for my absents.

"You run two multimillion business!" Matsumoto shouts in shock.

"Yah, why? I figure you already knew since you knew where to find me."

"Well, it's just, I never," she stammered not able to make a coherent sentence.

"You never thought someone in track, tiquando, and kendo would run two businesses and while doing all this go to school?" I ask already knowing my answer.

"Neither could my sister and she grew up with me. After she fell ill and I started taking care of her she begged me not to push myself so much." I smile to myself of the memory of my sister, but still feel the sting of her death. "I would wake up at six in the morning to go over the stocks, our income rate, how much we were making, and everything else running my parents business that was needed. At seven thirty I would get ready myself and take care of my sister. Eight o-clock; school began. At noon I would have our home doctor check on my sister and feed her. Around seven I would get home and take care of my sister while doing my school work and if need be, which was almost every day, I would handle more work things."

"My sister hated seeing me stay up unbelievable hours even before she fell ill and blamed herself for forcing me back into school. I thank her for that though, because she's the reason I found my three passions in life and that I was still able to hold on to my childhood. Before she forced me into school after quitting I was a little adult; getting up at seven, making breakfast, leaving and going to work, coming home late, cooking for both of us, tucking her into bed after giving her a bath, then doing it all over again the next day. She was only four and she asked me, 'Sissy, why aren't you in school? Aren't adults supposed to go to work? You're only eight, you're not an adult yet, Sissy.' Her words surd something in me, because for almost a year I hadn't been going to school and was filling in for my parents rolls. Most of the adults didn't like being run by a 'snot nosed brat' but those that didn't quit were surprised by my ability to think like an adult and had known that my parents taught me how to run their businesses and taught me everything there was to know and I always had my right hand man, Akio. Akio saved my life and kept all the workers from quitting. I owe that man my life because he saved me and my sister."

"What little kid lives like that?" Matsumoto shouted in disbelieve.

"That's what my life has been like for me," I answer simply.

FF

(I don't normally do this, but I can't find a good way to transition from there and that's part of what's prevented me from posting it so plz don't be mad at me)

"Oh shopping is going to be so much fun!" Matsumoto dragged me into the mall.

She seemed so happy and excited, but I was the opposite. I never went to the mall except to go to Macy or JCPenny to get suits for meeting or fancy dresses for balls or gatherings I had to go to for business.

.::Flash Back::.

"Now Mai one day you will have to run your mother's and my business," my father began one of his usual speeches. At the time I never took him too serious, but I all ways listened to his lessons.

"Are you listening Mai? Your father and I won't all ways be here to hold your hand through this," my mother informed me.

"Yes Mother and I understand Father." I was always respectful to them; if I wasn't then I hated the repercussions.

"Now Mai the most important thing to remember in running a business is-"

"The customer satisfaction is the most important thing," I cut him off going by the saying I hear people say all the time.

"No Mai that is the second most important thing. Businesses say that to make customers believe that they are more important. The most important thing in running a business is image. Without image you can't get big corporations to donate money and more people will buy your product with a big image." Hearing this shocked me. Everyone always say that customer satisfaction was what mattered the most but now my father was telling me it wasn't.

.::End of Flash Back::.

"Where should we start at?"Matsumoto asked and before I could even reply she found a place. "Oh, there looks really good! Let's go there!"

I stood in the entrance way where Matsumoto let go of my hand and watched her as she ran from clothing line to clothing line. Matsumoto was insane. With great caution I walked into the store and followed Matsumoto into the back of the store as she got changed into her new outfits. I watched as over half of the outfits were thrown over the door with disgust.

"Ok let's go!" Matsumoto said as she began to walk out.

Almost every store was like this. Nothing, yet everything, was to her satisfaction.

"You should get it," Matsumoto said pulling my mind away from the cute outfit I saw on display in a store window.

"Huh? Oh, I don't need it," I say walking away.

"But you obviously want it!"

"I don't need it though," I reason.

"But you want it and it will look so cute on you! I just know it! How can you turn something like that away?" She shouted after me.

"Just try it on and if you still don't want it then I won't make you get it, but if you still like it then you have to get it!" She was trying to reason with me so I agreed with her terms.

"Fine, but if I don't like it then I'm not getting it," I tell her as she squeals with delight and skips into the store behind me.

It was cute, really cute. The shirt hugged my hips and emphasized what little boos I had. The red leather jacket was really cute as well. It came down just bellow my boos and hugged me a bit, but it was a cozy fit. The black and red mini skirt was shorter than anything I have ever worn before, but I liked how it looked with my black boots. It was the finishing touch for me; A spiked belt that split in two pieces and only came together when you fascine it.

"Oh my god you have to get it!" Matsumoto yells as I open my changing room door. I hadn't even made it out of the changing room before she glomped me.

"I don't know," I say looking at myself in the mirror. It looked cute, but the skirt was a bit too short for my taste.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Matsumoto shouts again causing some of the by standers to look at us weirdly.

"You have to get it!"

"Ok if I get it will you stop yelling?" I snap. She nods her head and I sigh.

"Eh-" I glare at Matsumoto as a reminder and she just glomps me again.

"Eh," I sigh at her and shake my head.

"Let's go if we're ever going to get to that club of ours we have to drop off our clothes first." I tell Matsumoto as I get my new outfit paid for.

"Alright," Matsumoto says happily as she skips off; dragging me along with her, back to the barracks.

"You're going to love it there I'm telling you," Matsumoto says as she begins to ramble on about the club she was planning on taking me to as I get changed into my new outfits I just bought.

"Matsumoto, Mai." Matsumoto and I turn to see Hitsugaya standing in the door way of my room.


	7. I'm sorry Hitsugaya

"Matsumoto, Mai." Matsumoto and I turn to see Hitsugaya standing in the door way of my room.

My body trembled with fear.

_Is he mad? Of course he is, I know I would be. How bad is it? What is my punishment going to be? I hate when authority is mad at me, it always end in a beating. Hitsugaya isn't that type of person, so maybe I'm safe. I hope he's not too mad._

"Captain Hits-"

"Captain would you like to join us?" Matsumoto asks stepping in front of me and cutting me off.

"No," Hitsugaya replies coldly, but clearly angry.

_I knew it._

"I'm sorry Captain Hitsugaya. Any punishment you see fit I will gladly take." I bow deeply as I say this.

"What were you two thinking?" Hitsugaya snaps losing his cool exterior. I flinch at his voice

"Uh… I think I came at a bad time," Haru says poking his head in through the barely open door.

"Haru, I think you should go," I tell him softly.

"I'll come back later Mai," Haru says as he waves bye and leaves.

"Now tell me what made you think this would be alright? I expected something like this from Matsumoto, but you Mai. I expected better."

Those three words cut deeper than they should have. I never disappointed someone to the point where I heard those three words. 'I expected better'. It hurt me deeply to hear them coming from Hitsugaya. Did I hurt him that badly? I didn't really want to go, but that was no excuse for my actions. I had acted out of line and needed to own up to my wrong.

"I understand Captain Hitsugaya. No matter the reason I had acted out of line and skipped out on my training, knowing I had training today. I will work doubly hard to make up for the training I skipped out on today. Please forgive me Captain Hitsugaya." I kept my head down as I spoke to Hitsugaya for all except the last part where I asked for his forgiveness, I knew better than to look up at someone when they are angry with me.

"What made you think that it was ok?" His voice hadn't softened at the least, it sounded even angrier.

"Nothing did Captain. I went out on my own with Matsumoto I wanted to go out." I knew I was lying to him, but I was not going to get Matsumoto in any more trouble. I didn't want to lie to him, but my sense of protection out won my sense of right and wrong.

"Mai you-"

"There is no reason for you to try and take the blame Matsumoto," I cut her off as I put my arm in front of her.

"It was I who planned the whole thing and snuck us out to go shopping and go to the mall. I am the one who needs and deserves the punishment, NOT Matsumoto. So please, Captain Hitsugaya, do not punish Matsumoto for my mistake." Captain Hitsugaya looked at me then nodded his head.

"For the next week you will not get a day off as punishment for skipping training to go to the mall." Hitsugaya turned without another look at me.

_Did I really make him that mad? To the point he can't even look at me._ My little bit of happiness I felt during my time with Matsumoto and was replaced with regret and sorrow. The sorrow and regret was not for me, but for hurting Hitsugaya and for lying to him.

I stand in my room for about ten minutes standing with my head hanging low before I looked up. Silently I grabbed my Zanpakutō and head out to my training ground.

(Hitsgaya's POV)

"Captain, please tell me you don't believe her!" Matsumoto pleaded as Hitsugaya went into his office to work on his paperwork.

"And why shouldn't I? She confessed to me that she was the one that planned it all out."

Hitsugaya didn't really want to believe that it was Mai that had planned it, but she confessed to it. It didn't add up to him though, why would Mai plan something like that? Mai didn't seem like the type of person to do that, so why would she. Hitsugaya couldn't wrap his mind around it.

"Because that isn't like Mai! That is something I would do, not her! Captain look at me," Matsumoto pleaded and Hitsugaya did. "We both know Mai; she wouldn't have the time for that with how much training she's been doing. She was pasted out when I came to wake her up and the only reason she did go was because I ordered her to. She didn't want to go because she had training to do."

Hitsugaya wasn't shocked by this information because it confirmed my hopes, but he felt the need still be strict with Mai. He didn't want to show lunacy towards her because if he showed flavorsome to her then it would only create a mess for himself and she could be taken off of his squad. That was the last thing he wanted it, he didn't know exactly what he wanted just that he didn't want to lose her.

"Are you confessing to be the cause of her leaving today without my permission?" Hitsugaya asked coldly.

"Yes Captain," Matsumoto said nodding.

"You will have the same punishment as Mai, but instead of training you'll be doing paperwork without sleeping."

"Ohhh, but Cap-"

"No, I gave you your punishment and there will be no discussion about it. Now go!"

"Ok, bye Captain," Matsumoto says back to her usual self as she ran out the door.

Hitsugaya sighed as he looked away from the door after Matsumoto and at his paperwork. He began ot think of the way Mai looked like in that new outfit of hers.

_I wanted to tell her how good she looked in it so badly, but how would she take that? I'm her captain; I'm not allowed to say things like that to her. She didn't seem too thrilled about being out, so that might not of help her much anyway._

_I feel guilty for punishing her so harshly. She practices so often as it is and even on her days off I almost always find her at the training ground. Now that I told her she has to she's probably going to work herself tell she collapse every day. She's in such a weak condition as it is._

_Why does she push herself so much? She has nothing for her to get back to in her world. She told me herself that all she has is school, so why? What pushes her to get back to her world? What is going through her mind?_

Hitsugaya sat at his desk not making an attempt to do his work for over three hours. His mind was too busy wondering about Mai. It wasn't tell he could no longer take it did he finally get up from his seat to go see how Mai was.

"Mai," Hitsugaya called quietly as he lightly knocked on the door.

No reply.

"Mai," he asked as he opened the door lightly.

She wasn't in there.

"Mhm," Hitsugaya smirked to himself.

_Pushing herself as he usually does every day._

Hitsugaya walks to the training ground in the dark to see Mai collapsed on the ground with her sword still in her hands. He couldn't help but smirk at the sight of her looking so peaceful. It was the first time he had seen her without the serious look on her face. He liked it.

I need to get her back, but I don't want to disturb her, Hitsugaya thought before deciding to just pick her up and carrying her back to her room.

"Mhm," Mai mumbles in confert as she currals up closer to Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya looks down at Mai with a small smile. She was clutching on to him and nuzzled closer.

_She really does look like an angel, but not one that brings death. No there is a much to caring side to her for that. She's just an angel that works and cares too much._

"Mhm, Captain Hitsugaya please forgive me," Mai mumbles.

Hitsugaya felt a part of himself breaking at her words. He was shocked that she said it, but the small furrow in her brows as she slept told him how broken up she was.

"I already have, Mai." Hitsugaya tells her softly as his disconnected eyes softened at her.

Mai seemed to almost respond as she relaxed in his arms with a sigh.

_Could she really be asleep? Her rashe (sp?) seems to have calmed and gone down. She doesn't know how to control it, so she must be a sleep._

"Don't push yourself so hard." Hitsugaya lays Mai down gently on the bed then turns to leave.

He doesn't want to leave her quiet yet. He wants to stay with her for just a bit longer. He turns around and looks at her face for just one last time this night.

"Good night Mai," Hitsugaya whispers as he kisses Mai on the forehead before leaving her room to go to bed himself.


	8. Will you be my girlfriend?

"Mhm," I mumble in my sleep.

"Huh?" I say panicking as I wake up.

I had fallen asleep when I was training. I don't know how long a slept, but it was sunny outside. Sunny? Outside? I was in my room now, but I don't remember going back to my room. The last thing I remember was practicing the water sword cut. I still haven't gotten it down and it bugs me because I want to get it right so I told myself I would go to sleep after I got it down. I know for a fact I didn't go back to my bed, so how was I in my bed now?

"What time is it?" I ask looking up through the window.

"No, I'm late!" I shout as I shot out of my bed and run out my door trying to get my shoe on; running down the hall.

"Mai, how are you?" Haru asks as I run by him.

"Hey, Haru," I say quickly as I run pass him.

"Mai slow down!" Haru grabs my arm and stops me from running.

"I can't I got to go," I say quickly trying to get out of his grip.

"I just wanted to see how you are. You seemed upset yesterday when I saw you." He seemed so upset and hurt. He looked like a hurt animal.

"Maybe we can after training. How about 12? I should be free by then," I offer searching for something that could get that sad look off his face.

"Mai, do you ever think that you over train?"

"No, why?" He looked at me doubtful and with that hurt look still lingered.

"Please don't look at me like that," I ask feeling hurt myself.

"I hate seeing you like think, Mai. You're wearing yourself out. You need to take a break. You're still a kid, not an adult. Don't waste your life away with training."

His words reminded me a bit of what my sister had told me.

_I'm only a kid? Do I really work myself to the bone? I always figured that kids worked extremely hard on everything. Aren't we supposed to make everything we do perfect? That's the only thing acceptable, right? Isn't that the way things are supposed to be, perfect?_ I was so confused and baffled. I had always been told perfect is the only thing acceptable. I had never forced it upon my sister, but that was what my mom and dad taught me.

"I… I don't… know," I stammer as I look at Haru with a blank look, trying to hide my confusion.

"Let's meet for dinner at eight today, ok." Haru smiled at me hopefully, but I just shake my head.

"I can't, part of my punishment is to train harder."

"What did you do?"

"Skipped training yesterday with Matsumoto. It was a mistake and I will never do it again."

"You only got off with training harder! Lucky you!" I looked at Haru confused, how was I lucky?

"Most would get a more saver punishment, but I guess since you're not truly on the squad there isn't much Captain Hitsugaya can do to you." I nod my head.

"Haru I need to get going," I tell him and begin to run to the training grounds.

"I'm so sorry I'm Late Captain Hitsugaya. I woke up late and Haru wouldn't let ne come here without talking to him first. Please forgive my tardiness. It will not happen again," I bow lowly then come back up as he begins to talk.

"It is all right Mai. I expected you to be late today." His voice held a type of warmth in it that I hadn't heard before.

I had expected him to still be mad at me because of yesterday, but he wasn't. He wasn't mad because of showing up late today either, but shouldn't he. Why did he expect me to be late? How did he know? I was so lost right now. This wasn't the usual Captain Hitsugaya.

"You were Captain Hitsugaya?" I ask as I walk up to him.

"Yes. Last night I found you collapsed on the training grounds. I brought you back to your room." He spoke so calmly and neutral about the subject. It explained why I woke up in my room, but I was still shocked that he had carried me to my room. NO one had ever done something like that and there had been days were I would pass out at my desk in the office.

"Thank… thank you," I say as I walk closer to him and give him a hug.

I don't know why I did that. He was my authority, but I couldn't suppress the sudden urge to hug him. The urge over whelmed me, bubbling up tell it over flowed. There had been a few other times where I just wanted to hug him for no reason, but nothing like this. I had all ways been able to ignore it and just continue on my way. I couldn't help it though.

Hitsugaya had been so kind to me, when I thought he was mad at me. He could have easily left me here for the night. He had even come looking for me. Not only that, but I really wanted to hug him and be close to him right now. I wanted to know he wasn't made at me and beg for his forgiveness. I had never felt like this before, but I hated having Hitsugaya mad at me. It hurt me for some reason.

Hitsugaya seemed taken aback by this sudden gesture, but it only took him a second to respond and hug me back. Wrapping his arms around me possessively and holding me close to him. His arms were so strong around my tinnier frame, but felt so right. Something about him, his sent, his touch, his voice, the look in his eyes when I see him, everything about him made me feel safe and drove me insane. Not that I would ever admit it.

"Eyes that long to see you, ears that listen to hear you, lips that yearn to kiss you, a heart that beats to love you, arms that ache to hold you, hands that need to hold you, a body that lives to fulfill you, a body that dies without you. That, that's… love." I whispered quietly to myself as I remembered the quote I once read. I didn't understand it at the time and I don't know what brought it up, but it suddenly came to mind.

"What?" Hitsugaya asked confused.

"Are you still mad at me?" I ask trying to divert his attention away from my quote.

"No," he replied still holding me.

"Good, I hate it when you're mad at me," I whisper as I bury my face in the crock of his neck.

"Then why did you take the blame for Matsumoto?" He asked and I pulled my head back in shock.

"How did you know?" I ask panicky.

"She told me," he replied calmly.

"Huh," I sighed in thought as the pieces begin to fall in place, spelling out the answer for me.

"If she hadn't would you still be mad at me?" I ask as I pull backwards a bit to look him in the eyes.

"Frustrated," he replied honestly.

"Because it wouldn't make sense on why I did it or because I disobeyed your orders, if not both?" I wanted to know. I wanted to know what he was thinking and what was getting under his skin- I wanted to understand him.

"Both but mainly because it's unlike you to skip out of duties. It didn't make sense to me why you would do that and it wasn't until Matsumoto told me the truth that it made sense to me."

"I thought we agreed not to lie to each other," his voice held the softness in it with the controversy harshness again like the last time we talked about me hiding the truth from him.

I nod my head remembering the night I had told him that he wasn't the cause for my tears.

"I couldn't let Matsumoto get in trouble when she was trying to help me," I tell him with determination in my eyes.

"So you thought lying was better?" he asked becoming irritated.

"No, but I couldn't allow her to get in trouble. I truly did hate lying to you," my eyes softened as I looked at him- it still hurt me that I had been deceitful to him. "I hate not telling you the truth and even more hurting you or betraying your trust, but I couldn't let Matsumoto get in trouble. I was always taught to protect the ones I care for, because without them you are nothing. The danger how small or large, you put them before yourself. My father had told me that because with the field he worked in everyone is against you and no one around you is safe." Hitsugaya looked at me in silence.

"Was your father training you to fill in his shoes?" Hitsugaya asked thoughtfully.

I nodded.

"Yes, my mother and him both."

"That's why you want to get as soon as possible." I nod again.

"Let's begin the lesson," Hitsugaya says as he releases me and steps aside.

"How far have you gotten?"

"I made some improvement, but not much. I don't completely understand how to keep the water moving in tune with the sword."

"Show me." I nod my head.

(Hitsugaya's POV)

Hitsugaya sighed as he sat back at his desk. He had just left Mai after training. He didn't want to leave so soon, but he had too much paperwork to get done. Matsumoto managed to stay awake tell he released he, but there was still so much that needed to be done. Ever since Mai joined his squad Head Captain Yamamoto wanted a report for everyday.

_Eyes that long to see you, ears that listen to hear you, lips that yearn to kiss you, a heart that beats to love you, arms that ache to hold you, hands that need to hold you, a body that lives to fulfill you, a body that dies without you. That, that's… love._ Mai's word played in Hitsugaya's head over and over again; it really was a nice saying.

_**Does she like me? Could she be falling for me? **_Hitsugaya smirks at the possibility of Mai falling for him, but he quickly shakes his head at the thought. _**I should not find such things pleasant. I'm her captain and she is my authority. That is not acceptable. Our relationship can only be a captain and subordinate.**_

_**I wonder if she does have feelings for me though.**_ Hitsugaya wondered to himself but quickly mentally slapped himself for allowing that thought to slipping into his mind.

"Captain Hitsugaya," someone called as they entered Hitsugaya's office.

"Yes Haru?" Hitsugaya asked looking up at the boy walking in.

"I would like to ask your permission to ask out Mai. I know that she is here to only train and because she is under your supervision I feel the obligation to request your permission before asking her personally."

"And what makes you want to ask her out?" Hitsugaya ask holding in the sudden anger that arose in him. It wasn't because Haru was being disrespectful because Haru was anything but disrespectful. Haru stood with his hands behind his back and a serious face so he wasn't taking this as some sort of jock.

_**How dare he try to take MY Mai! My Mai? She didn't belong to me or anyone. She was her own person and could do whatever she wanted. I have no ownership over her.**_

"Do as you please, she is her own person and can make her own choices. You do not need my permission to as her out." Hitsugaya spoke in an indifferent voice and didn't even bother to look at Haru as he spoke.

"Thank you Captain Hitsugaya!" Haru quickly ran out of the room to go find Mai.

(Mai's POV)

"Huh, huh," I pant as I look at the finished product of retsu suiiki (cutting water). I smirk and turn around about to head off and tell Hitsugaya that I finally got the move down.

"Mai!"

"Oh, Haru," I pant barely able to breathe.

"Mai, I have something I want to ask you."

"What is it?" I ask trying to think what it might be with how serious Haru seemed. He wasn't joking around like his normal care free self.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"


	9. What should I say Hitsugaya?

I didn't expect that. I didn't see it coming, ever. I didn't know how to respond. I could never have been prepared for such a question, much less at a time or place like this. I stood stone still looking at my friend Haru. I was unable to move. I was stone shocked to the place I stood.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out of it. No sound will leave me. No words come to mind and my mouth like normal when I'm caught off guard and my subconscious takes over, already rationalized everything. Not this time though. Not in the time I need the most.

"I… I don't know honestly." It took me almost three minutes to come up with that and by the look in Haru's eyes I can tell he doesn't like it.

"I barely have time for something like this and I don't know how something like this would work." I was trying to bluntly say no, but I wasn't really saying yes, because I don't know what I'm supposed to do- I never dated anyone before in my life.

"I promise I won't make you regret it! I'll make you happy as long as it takes. I'll take your stress away and allow you to just be happy, as long as you give me the chance!"

I look at Haru. What was I supposed to say? I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't know what to say. I wanted happiness, but could he really give that to me? I wanted to live without stress, but what could he do? How was anyone supposed to respond to something like this? Was it really as simple as a yes or no? I was told that it was by a friend in my life once, but now that I was faced with it I don't believe her. When you are asked out it is not as simple as a yes or no question. You could severely hurt the person or make them severely happy. The whole thing lies on your shoulders.

"I… I need to think about it. I promise to have your answer by tomorrow when I see you." I don't say anything else before I walk off to Hitsugaya's office.

"Come in." I open the door slowly as I stick my head in before entering Hitsugaya's office.

His office was almost exactly as I expected it to be. He has a wooden desk in the center of the room with a lot of paperwork organized nicely in done and needs to be finished. He had a green coach in front of his desk for talking or relaxing, either or, and shelves filled with important scrolls and documents.

The last time I was in here I didn't get to look at anything because I was distracted by Hitsugaya's presence. He had been taking me in here because my arms were so sore after training about three days ago. I tried to avoided going in there because the last time I had a sudden wave of calmness and fire shot through my body when he cherished hand and followed it up to my eyes. I tried to mask my confusion by the sudden sensation, but I think he might have seen it and mistaken it for something else. It was the only way I can explain his distance towards me afterwards.

"Captain Hitsugaya, can I ask for your advice on something?" I ask slightly sheepishly. I haven't had to ask for help on anything since I was nine.

"What is it Mai?" Hitsugaya asked looking from his paperwork and up to me. His tone sounded slightly shocked, but his eyes held welcome and promise.

I loved how I knew that if I ever needed something or someone to talk to I could always go to Hitsugaya. He was so kind and caring, even if he is distant. Hitsugaya is such a good guy. It wouldn't surprise me if he secretly had fan girls. Anyone would be lucky to have him. Hitsugaya wasn't just a good looking guy or kind, but actually cared about people, was always there for those that need him and while he is distant he his close as well.

I smile slightly to myself as I walk up to him.

"I was wondering if you could help me."

"Are you still having problems with that move?"

"No," I answer shaking my head lightly.

"When I was about to head off to share the great news that I finally got it down and did it five times in a row without a problem…" I trail off unsure what to say after that.

"You got it," Hitsugaya asks urging me to continue.

"…Haru asked me a question that I don't know how to reply to. I never had to deal with something like this."

"So he did ask you out?" The way Hitsugaya words it sounded like he was just pondering it or confirming suspicion, but there was an under tone of anger. Was he upset about this? If so, why?

"You knew?" I asked shocked.

"Yes, Haru came to me to ask permission before asking you out. He wanted to make sure I didn't have a problem with someone dating you while you were training under me."

"Well, what do you think I should say?"

"Do you like him?" His question was so simple that it caught me off guard.

"Well… he's a nice guy and he treats me really well. So, I guess I like him. But, how does that solve anything?" I look to Hitsugaya for the answer.

"If you want to date him, do so. I give you permission and I think a distraction would be good for you."

"Thank you Hitsugaya." I bow to Hitsugaya quickly before running out of his office.

Once I was outside of his office I slowed down into a walk and began to ponder. I still didn't know how I was going to answer Haru and Hitsugaya only made it more confusing for me. If I was supposed to date someone simply because I liked them that would mean I would be dating lots of guys.

(Hitsugaya's POV)

Hitsugaya sat in his office, unable to do his paperwork any longer.

_**Why did I just give her permission to go out with Haru? I want Mai to be happy, but can Haru give Mai what she truly needs? Mai needs someone who will always be there for her and can understand why she is absorbed in doing her work with everything she has until she can't go at it any longer. She needs someone who cares for her and only her. Haru… Haru has a new girlfriend ever two to three weeks. Mai can't deal with something like that. She will only get her heart broken.**_

_**Mai you love too much for someone who loves too little and I have just sent you off who someone who loves too little. I have sent you off with someone who is too absorbed in himself and can only hurt you. I'm sorry Mai, I have just caused you the greatest heart ache you may ever feel.**_

_**Mai, please forgive me.**_

(Haru's POV)

Haru sat at the dining table with his guy friends laughing and enjoying himself over a good dinner after a long day.

"So, Haru, have you finally asked out that Mai girl you've eyes on ever since you first laid eyes on?"

"Yah, I did today."

"So where is she then? You got her don't you?"

"No, not yet," Haru admits feeling a blow to his pride.

_**Why was it that this girl hasn't fallen all over him yet? Ever last girl that I ever placed my eyes on said yes in a heartbeat, but not this one. Did she not like me? Was she not in love with me simply because of my looks? Was she not charmed by how kind I was to her? Could she see through my disguise?**_

"What she say, 'I need to think about it'?"

"Come on Haru, you know that means no in girl language."

All of the guys were now getting in on it. They all knew Haru's game and how it worked. He would ask a girl out that he found good look, get them to like him, and then ask them out. After he had his fun with them he would throw them out and if he didn't get what he wanted fast enough he would throw them out without a second thought.

"I know, but this one's different."

"Oh, so Haru actually likes this one!"

"You hear that a guy, Haru's gone soft!"

"I have not gone soft," Haru growls at his friends at the mere thought of friends thinking he actually had feelings for this girl.

"She's pure."

"What?" All of his friends are shocked that Haru would go for a girl like that and that they even exist.

Haru nods.

"She has been untouched, neglected from love, and most likely hasn't even been kissed yet. Mai is pure and in a goddess's body."

"So, you mean…?"

"Yep," Haru nods already knowing what they were going to say.

"Can we…?"

"After I have my fun." Haru says standing up and walking back to his room to get some sleep.


	10. Yes

"Yes."

I had thought about all of last night. It wasn't an easy decision for me to make, but I think a distraction is what I need. Haru and I were good friends so it wasn't like I didn't know him and was saying yes to some random stranger, he was my friend. It just seemed a bit wrong to be saying yes to him when I knew there were more things I could be doing with my time.

"Really?" Haru asked seeming shocked.

I nodded my head.

"Yes Haru I will go out with you."

"That's great!"

"Well I got to get off to practice. If I'm late I'm afraid I'll piss off Hitsugaya."

"You're close to Hitsugaya aren't you?" Haru asked as his eyes sobered and became a bit dual.

"Yah, I guess you can say that, but he's a really good guy and was there for me when I needed someone most."

"But he also hurt you. Don't get me wrong I respect Captain Hitsugaya and think he's a really good guy, but it hurt me to see you so hurt."

"I guess you're right…" I trail off as I remember when we got into a fight the week I was here and by the end of the second almost beginning of the third week I had left the training ground, before training even began, crying. I had gotten over it a long while ago, apparently Haru had not.

"I've grown past it though. When we got in that last argument it was because he didn't want me to be so distant. He was looking out for me."

"Fine," he sighs, "if you're past it I guess I can try and grow past it."

"Thank you," I say as I give Haru a hug before leaving to head off to the training ground.

"Hello Mai," Hitsugaya said as he walked up to me.

"Hi Captain Hitsugaya," I smile as I see him walking through the door.

He is so beautiful when he walked through that doorway as the sun was rising it was more apparent than normal. He had a light all of his own as the raise aluminates him. I can see the color of his turquoise eyes brought out more, the same eyes that I had mistaken for a blue when I first saw him. His white hair stood out more when the sun raise shined down on him. His pale skin looked paler, but somehow full of life and color. Hitsugaya was such a beautiful creature.

"I gave Haru my answer earlier today," I tell him to start the conversation. I really wanted Hitsugaya to know first on what I told Haru.

"What did you tell him?" Hitsugaya asked not seeming to care too much, but this was Hitsugaya he made it seem like he didn't care about very much.

"I said yes," I told him somewhat sheepishly.

I don't know why I was suddenly sheepish to tell Hitsugaya. I had brought up the conversation wanting to tell him, but admitting it suddenly seemed different. My happy personality dropping as I admitted it.

Wasn't I happy about this? Aren't I the one that said yes? I'm the one that spoke that word to Haru and meant it. So why the sudden sheepishness when bringing telling Hitsugaya.

"Is that what you want?" Hitsugaya asks as he hands me an apple.

"Yah, I think so. I thought about it all of last night. I'm good friends with him. He seems to be very serious about this and I know he cares for me." I nod my head with confidence. "I also think this will be good for me."

"Do you think you really know him? You only see him when it's the two of you, never in a group. You also don't know very much about his track record."

"What do you mean?" I ask more than I little lost.

"You know nothing of his past."

I nod.

"I know I don't know anything of his past, but he knows nothing of mine either. I know to truly ever understand someone you need to know their past, but it's who they are that truly matter right?" I ask giving him a hopeful smile.

"What if that past them hasn't changed from future or present them?"

"Then what is there to worry about?" I ask shrugging my shoulders.

"Now, what is this apple for and the bag of them in your hands?" I ask changing the subject so the day can begin.

"Now that you know how to use the move you need to learn how to be able to target one spot." I nod my head.

"Before we can do that you need to show it to me.

(Hitsugaya's POV)

Hitsugaya truly love watching Mai train. Watching her weld her sword everyday was his favorite part of the day. She wasn't of this world or the human world to Hitsugaya. To Hitsugaya she was a gift to them. She has gone through so much pain, and yet she still cared so much about those who were willing to be kind to her. She has been so strong too, at such a young age. She was truly unworldly in Hitsugaya's eyes.

"We can end today early since you have the move down." Hitsugaya spoke to Mai as he turned and walked away from the training ground.

"Hitsugaya," Mai's voice called softly.

"Yes," Hitsugaya asked turning around.

"I just wanted to say thank you for everything."

"There's no need for you to thank me."

"You say that, but I feel differently. I never felt so close to someone before."

Her words cause something in Hitsugaya to stop. Hitsugaya didn't think Mai felt close or cared for him more than as an authority, but her words shouldn't be said to an authority. Her words should be saved for a lover or boyfriend, just not him or Haru, in Hitsugaya's eyes.

"Go enjoy yourself," Hitsugaya said to cover for his halt.

"Alright, bye Hitsugaya," Mai shouted as she ran past him.

When Hitsugaya got into his room he finally allowed that frustration that has been building up inside of him since he first told Haru that he could date Mai and grow even worse when he gave Mai permission to date him, but the final blow was when Mai said yes to Haru. He had tried to persuade her to find out about his past if not break up with him, leaning more towards breaking up with him.

Hitsugaya hated himself for putting her at such risk. Hitsugaya had promised himself that he would protect her, but he had just put her in danger that might not ever heal. He just didn't want to let his emotions get in the way of letting Mai live her life, because the thought that he had of Mai he felt that they were not thoughts or feeling a captain should be having for a subordinate.

"I'm so stupid!" Hitsugaya screams as he feels like hitting something, but he can't risk someone coming in to the office while he's like this.

"Why did I give her permission to date him? What is wrong with me?"

"Captain are you alright?" Matsumoto asks walking in. "I could hear you yelling down the halls!"

"I'm fine!" Hitsugaya snaps.

"What are you yelling at then? Who did you give permission to date someone?" Matsumoto seemed concern and it wasn't because this could become great gossip, she was genuinely concerned about Hitsugaya and Hitsugaya could see it.

"Mai, I gave her permission to date Haru." Hitsugaya's voice was that of someone hurt inside; from shame, regret, and sorrow.

"What, why?" Matsumoto asked shocked that her captain would do that.

"Because I can't hold her back just because I love her!" Hitsugaya yelled, but by the time the words were out there they couldn't be taken back. They were out there for Matsumoto to hear and no matter how bad he wanted to take them back and keep them a secret he can't.

"You finally admitted it!" Matsumoto squeals with joy.

"Shut up."

"But you finally confessed that you loved her!"

"Matsumoto shut up!" Hitsugaya's voice was cut and crisped.

"but Captain-"

"Shut up!"

Matsumoto was the only one in the room happy about. While yes, Hitsugaya finally admitted something Matsumoto's known all along Hitsugaya didn't want anyone to know that he had feelings for Mai. It wasn't right in his eyes, no matter how much he cared about her it didn't change the positions.

"You should tell her." Matsumoto said sober again.

"I can't she's dating Haru." Hitsugaya admitted with his head hung low in shame.

"Then all you can do is be the one there for her when she needs you and she realizes what Haru really wants."

"Captain are you sure you're alright?" Matsumoto asks after a time of silence.

"I'm fine." Hitsugaya still refuses to look at Matsumoto.

"She's strong, but she needs you too. Trust me when I say that she'll realizes she loves you as well. She's probably letting the same thing hold her back." Hitsugaya nodded his head in reply.

(Mai's POV)

I chuckled at a story Haru had just told me about his friends and him in the academy as we lay on my bed just talking with our hands inter twinned.

"Jack sounds like a very interesting person."

"Huh, he's alright. He's a bit of a player."

I nod my head.

"Aren't a lot of guys? So many guys go from girl to girl that it's hard to trust a lot of them."

"Mai?"

"Hm," I ask Haru as I watch him turn on his side and props himself on his elbows.

"Do you trust me? Or do you think I'm going to hurt you like other guys do to girls?"

"I trust you Haru!" he nods his head and lays back down on his back.

"Haru if I ever thought you would hurt me like that I wouldn't have said yes to you."

"What made you have to think about whether or not you should date me?"

"A lot of things, but the main thing was would it hurt me or be better for me to date you. We both know I don't belong to this world, but I also have things that I need to get back to in my world. I have someone who can take care of it, but they are my responsibility."

"So it wasn't that you don't care about me?"

"No, it wasn't that I don't care about you." I shake my head lightly and offer him a kind smile.

"I love you Mai," Haru said leaning in towards me.

_**Was he going to kiss me?**_ I panicked afraid that that was his plan.

"Ha-Haru you can't kiss me," I stutter as I look at him with wide eyes.

"Why's that?" He asks pulling back.

"Because we just started dating. We haven't even been going out for a day yet."

"Alright," he nods, "I will wait tell you are ready."

"Thank you," I say with a smile as the look of shock and worry is replaced for a much more relaxed and happier one.

"Anything to make you happy." This causes me to smile a little bigger.

_**He's so good to me**_, I think to myself as we begin to talk again.


	11. No sparks

(Haru's POV)

"So you've had the girl for a couple of days now, how far are you?" Jack asks as Haru sat in front of his group of friends eating his dinner.

"No where. She only lets me hold her hand and nothing else," Haru grumbles to himself as he looks at his food disgusted with the bread.

"Can't handle someone so pure," Jeff chuckles, finding this whole thing funny.

"No I plan on getting her in bed tonight and getting this over with. If I put up with this for too long I'll become bored and we all know that leads to dumping her."

"What having problems with your entertainment?" Jack asked as he laughed with amusement.

"I can break her easily I just don't have the patents when all I get is holding the stupid chicks hand and talking to her as we lay in bed!"

"So close but so far," Jack chuckles with amusement at Haru's irritation.

"You haven't met her yet! She's like-"

"Mai, nice to see you!" Haru stopped mid sentence as he saw Mai walking into the cafeteria after training.

"Hey Haru," she chimes with a smile as she sat down next to Haru.

"Mai this is Jack, Dan, and Jeff." Haru motions from person to person.

(Mai's POV)

Jack, the friend I've heard the most about was nothing like I imagined him to look like. His eyes were hassle with a tint of gold to them. His hair was a rustic red and messy, he didn't seem too friendly. The air was thick and dark around him, it gave me the creeps.

The next in line that Haru introduced was Dan. I hadn't been told very much about Dan and now that I met him I could see why. Dan seemed like the quiet type and didn't seem to really talk by the sad look in his eyes. It seemed as if he pitied me or something. It was that sad looked that made him seem more attractive, though. His white hair spiked up in the back and came down in the front. His eyes were green which stood out with his white hair and dark long black eye lashes. He had a couple of piercings that gave him a slight edge to his kind, hurting look.

The final one to be introduced was Jeff. I couldn't pin why but I felt like there was a very playful side to Jeff. He seemed to be the type that would toy with you tell he got his fill, but he also seemed to have a quiet edge to him. Maybe it was just the slight smirk I received from him as he tilted his head to the side. His gray smoky eyes held no emotion as he looked at me. His blond hair lazily tossed to the side with brown streaks randomly thrown in in is bangs covering his left eye.

"Nice to meet you Mai, Haru has told us quite a bit about you." It was Jeff that first introduced himself to me. He seemed quite courtly.

"Nice to finally put a face to the girl our Haru has his eyes on, for right now." There was under tone that caused me to look at Haru.

"Ignore him," Haru informs me.

"You seem very nice. I know you can do much better than Haru," Dan says.

Dan's comment caused Haru to turn to his friend and glare at him. Haru didn't like the comment and took instant defense to it.

"What makes you say that," I chuckle. "Haru is a good guy and he only wishes me the best. Haru has been treating me really well too."

I can see the look of sorrow deepening in Dan's eyes. Did he not think the same of his friend? Did he not think that his friend was a good person? If Dan didn't think his friend was a good person or thought that his friend was doing something wrong why did stand by his side and watch it happen? I couldn't figure out why Dan's eyes held such sadness towards me?

"Mai, why don't I get you your food," Haru says as he stands up and walks over towards the counter.

I watched Haru leave for the first couple of steps then turned towards the awkward silence that settled over the group. We didn't have anything in common other than we all knew Haru and we barely knew any of them, what was I supposed to say? So I went with the only thing I could think of.

"So, how did you all meet Haru?"

"The Academy," they all replied at once.

"Oh, you all had to go through an academy before entering?" I must have sounded like a total idiot asking that. I felt like a total idiot. Of course they had to go to an academy to enter why else would they have said they met him at the academy?

"Yes there is an academy to get into the 13 Gotei. Didn't you go to it to get into this squad?" Jack asked me.

Jack said it in such a rude way, but with a hint of kindness to it. I understood that I asked a stupid question, but did he need to be so rude. He started to fit his look more than ever now, which made me question what Haru had told me. The Haru he described wouldn't have been so rude. Jack was supposed to be a ladies' man, but did he get them because of his look and bad boy attitude or from the Jack I was told about. That I didn't know.

"You must be the Aquarius that everyone has been talking about." It was Jeff that spoke next. He was kinder than Jack and seemed interested, yet certain, that it was me.

I nod my head.

"Yah, but I'm only here tell I finish my training with Hitsugaya." I smiled slightly as I talked to them to show friendliness while I still felt uncomfortable sitting here.

"Here you go Mai," Haru says as he takes his place next to me.

I looked up at Haru with a smile and relief flooding through me. The awkwardness could go away now that Haru was here. Haru would find something for us to talk about now that the only reason we were all here right now was back. Haru was good at making awkward moments light and fun. He had the magic to do that. That was one of the things I liked about Haru.

After dinner Haru and I went to his room to spend some time together. The two of us were lying down on his bed just talking and enjoying each other's company. We weren't really talking about anything in particular just talking to talk. We were both just unwinding after the day and couldn't think of any better way to do it than to spend it together; well except training for me, but Haru told me that wasn't unwinding.

"Mai, tell me if you don't like this?" Haru asked suddenly as he shifted his weight more towards me. I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant, but I didn't have a chance before his lips touched mine.

At first I was shocked and didn't know how to react, but I soon found it not so bad. I kind of found myself liking the feel of his lips. They were soft and warm as they moved with experience across my lips as I slowly started to kiss him back.

His arm that I had been lying on earlier moved under me so that he could pull me closer to him and deepen the kiss between us. I found my body reacting to this before my mind to even catch up with the fact that I was kissing him back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and began to tangle my fingers in his hair. The feel of his hair was so silky and inviting.

I felt his tongue flick across my lower lip and then him pulling on it slightly. I knew what he wanted but I didn't want to open my mouth for him to enter, so I denied him. Haru didn't seem to like my rejection, and actually growled at it. I suddenly felt Haru biting my lower lip and it hurt, he wasn't being gentle any more. As I gasped in pain Haru slipped his tongue into my mouth.

I shoved Haru away from me and glared at him for his little stunt.

"I'm sorry, Mai! I got carried away. I won't do it again, I promise!" Haru didn't even give me a second to say anything before he apologized.

"I'm not happy with you right now," I told him as I started to stand up to walk away.

"Please Mai, don't go!" Haru pleaded as he reached out to grab me.

"I don't want to fight with you and after what you just pulled give me one reason I shouldn't walk out. You knew that I didn't want to give you accesses to you. That was my first kiss and I wasn't ready for something like that yet."

"I know and it was wrong of me. Please, just don't leave tonight. Let me make it up to you." Haru was pleading for me not to leave, not only with his words but with his; eyes, body, voice, face, and everything he could. Haru truly didn't want me to leave and I didn't want to see him look like that.

"Fine," I sighed as I sat down next to him with my back to the wall.

"Thank you," Haru said as he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

"Just please don't push me," I said as I relaxed in his arms.

"I won't push you." I nodded my head in reply.

I don't know what time it was but after a couple of hours Haru finally fell asleep next to me. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, but I needed to get to my bedroom so I could go to sleep tonight. I carefully slip out from under his arm and move him under his covers before leaving his room as quiet as I could. I shut the door behind me and tiptoed down the halls tell I got back to my room.

I sigh as I sit down in my bed. I tried to go to bed but my mind kept wondering back to the kiss.

I had always thought that there would be some sort of feeling that would go with it. I never felt it for myself and the closest thing to a kiss before this I had was reading about the way that there was a spark or something different about the kiss then just a kiss. I kept telling myself that those were just fairytales and not real life, but I couldn't shake off the feeling.


	12. Cheater cheater pumpkin eater

I stood in front of the door in the training grounds waiting for Hitsugaya to show up. I knew that it wouldn't take too much longer since I just got here and he showed up only two minutes after I get here. He was always perfectly on time and I always showed up only two minutes before him. We had fallen into a habit only shortly after I got here. Once I knew where everything was located everything was easy sailing afterwards.

"Hello Mai," Hitsugaya said walking into eyesight around the corner.

"Hey Hitsugaya," I smile at the sight of him as he walks up to me and walks through the threshold of the door becoming acuminated by the sunrays.

Today we're going to be working on something that you'll find more difficult. You already know how to use your ice as weapon."

I nod my head remembering one of the lessons Hitsugaya and taught me how to turn my ice into a sword that is part of my arm. He had told me that it was to prepare myself for one of his harder lessons. He refused to tell me what that lesson would be, but it didn't take me too long to get it. It only took me about a whole training day to get it down perfectly, according to Hitsugaya.

"Today you will be adding to yourself, with ice, dragon features such as; wings that you can fly with, a tail, and claws. I don't expect you to get it down in one day."

I nod my head to show I understand.

"You seem to speak from experience, can you do this?" I ask wondering if he could and if so how, Bonkia(look up) or is he an Aquarius himself.

"In my Bonkai form that is what I look like," he explains, spiking my interest immediately.

"Can I see it?" I ask hopeful.

"No, but maybe if we ever spare."

I nod my head knowing better than to ask again when told no by an authority.

"Now, let's begin."

I closed my eyes and began to visualize, but the look of what Hitsugaya's wings kept probing at my mind. I knew that they had to beautiful like him. With an intricate workings in the ice formation that showed strength and power, but beauty. His wings must be vast, like his knowledge. I stood there, in that one spot, for over an hour trying to figure out what his wings looked like. It was partly willingly and partly because I couldn't resist the thought that kept bugging me; what did his wings look like.

It wasn't in tell I heard a sound of shock come from Hitsugaya that I opened my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked afraid that something just went horribly wrong.

"You have wings!" he tells me with a smile and my worries disappear as I turn my head to smile at my ice wings on my back.

"I have wings!" I say surprised myself. "Hitsugaya, I have wings!" I begin to flap my wings with excitement as I hug Hitsugaya with joy.

I hadn't preformed the transformation completely, but I had made beautiful ice wings that started where my shoulder blades were and spread out in over lapping, intertwining ice feathers. The feathers had a design to them that caused them to capture and reflect light. The wings looked strong, yet slightly fragile by the lack of layers. At the very end of both wings is a claw that curves outwards, causing them to look both menacing and beautiful as if a finishing touch to the wings.

The two of us laughed with joy as we hugged each other tell we both calmed down and were just hugging each other.

"Where did you get your image for the wings for? They're beautiful," he says as he runs his hand over the edge of one of my wings.

"From you, you gave me the image of these wings."

"From me?" he asked sounding more than a little shocked.

I nod my head.

"They came out a little more fragile looking than I inisationlly thought they would be, but I took the things I know about you and put them into what I thought your wings would look like. Unforchentally I wasn't really imagining my own wings because I couldn't think of anything but yours might look like."

"I gave you the idea for these wings," he said still sounding shocked as he lowly says this and continued to stroke my wing.

I nod my head then look at him worried.

"Am I that far off? I mean I don't want you to feel insulted if I messed up or something," I panicked.

"No they're beautiful!" he says being pulled out of whatever he was thinking.

"Good," I smile happy that he saw them as beautiful too.

"Do you really see me as this?" he asked turning to look at me and I nod my head.

"You truly are magnificent, even if you don't see it Hitsugaya. You know there is a love quote about this person who was truly beautiful on the inside and on the outside, but that person didn't know how beautiful they truly were. I just don't remember how it goes," I chuckle feeling quiet stupid for not remembering.

"You seem to know a lot of love quotes," he says and I just shrug.

"I only remember the ones that truly stick with me like the other one."

"What is one of your favorites?" I think for a second then I know what it is.

"Other than the one I resided the other day I have to say it is; 'see there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me." I quote this love quote for word to word. "I also really like this other one, but it's not quite a love quote."

"How so?" he asks.

"Well it's more for those that don't quiet trust their mate, but truly love them at the same time."

"Can you tell me it?" I nod.

"'I give you all my love because I truly love you, I can't give you my soul and my heart because you'll just break it,'" again I quote it for every word.

"It must be a love from a distance." I nod agreeing with him.

"Well we should probably continue with training," I say as I smile and step back so I could continue.

Hours past and still nothing has happened. My wings had dissolved because I lost the image I had formed of them and haven't been able to get them back. I can now feel the sun low on my back, telling me the day was almost over. I was growing more and more irritated by every passing second, tell I suddenly felt something cool on my skin. I open my eyes to see me covered in dragon like armor with a pair of wings, claws, and a tail.

"You… got it," Hitsugaya says sounding more shocked than he did about the wings.

"No, I tell him as I dismiss the dragon form, "my anger and frustration got it and I won't draw on that to get my results. Only something horrible can come from that."

Hitsugaya nods his head, understanding my reason behind it. He knew the story and he knew how I felt about that. I fought without emotions and when I did my lessons that's how I would be unless it I drew on joy, but I refused to allow anger to be my source of power.

"It's getting late Hitsugaya I think you should head inside. I'll be out here trying to get this right and I think you have more productive things that you probably would like to get down than just stand around and waiting for me to get this right." I didn't want to sound rude and I was afraid that it might of came out like that, but I didn't want Hitsugaya to see how disappointed I was that I hadn't gotten it right and when I did it was because I was angry. I was upset and I didn't want Hitsugaya to be let on to how much I was beating myself up.

I don't know how much time went by but I was pulled out of my thoughts by Dan running up to me, but when my mind was pulled out of imaging the dragon armor it was well past sunset.

"Dan, what's wrong?" I asked as I walked up to him.

"I need you to see something," he tells me with no further explanation and begins to take me by the hand and drag me down the halls.

"In here," he tells me but I just look at him confused.

"It's Haru's room. What do I need to see in there?" I ask not seeing the big deal about this and him needing to drag me away from my training.

"Just open it."

"Ok," I say still not getting it but I open the door after nocking, but my hand just drops by my side as I open my mouth to say greet Haru, but stop short and just stare instead.

I feel hurt, betrayed, disappointed, and worse of all pathetic. I know I should be angry, fierce, lived, and beyond pissed, but I don't. I don't feel pity for myself, I'm not mad, I just feel pathetic, disappointed, and betrayed. I had trusted Haru with my heart and now I catch Haru in the bed naked with another girl. I don't know how long this had been going on, but one time was one too many for me because if someone cheats on you once then they'll do it again. That was just a rule of thumb for me.

With hollow eyes I look at Haru, holding back the tears and speak up; "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything I was just looking for my boyfriend."

I turn around not bothering to shut the door or to say anything else. If I stayed around for much longer Haru would see that he got to me. Much doesn't bother me normally and I always seem happy, but he got to me.

"Wait Mai!" Haru shouts as he starts to run out of his room while he tried to get his boxers on properly, but I don't slow down I just begin to run away from him.

"Mai, please wait for just a second! I can explain!"

_I can explain, isn't that what they all say when they get caught? I can explain what apathetic excuse!_

I didn't stop running I just kept running and running; waiting for the anger to come, waiting for that hate that I know I should feel, but it never came once. I never felt anger for a second, but it would be easier to just hate him and get over it, but I couldn't bring myself to hate him and I collapse on the ground crying; tell I couldn't cry any longer.

"Mai," I hear a male voice ask as someone began to approach me.

"Leave me alone!" I yell not bothering to get up off the cold ground that I laid on.

"Mai, it's me," the person said as they approached closer to me and suddenly I felt strong arms wrap around me and pull me closer to them. I clutch their shit and begin to sob again, but harder than I had last time.

"I know Mai, I know."

"I- I trusted him Hitsugaya," I choke out as he just smoothes my hair down as he holds me close to him. "I truly believed he cared about me and- and he didn't. Was I just- a play thing for him?" I shout hurting myself more with that thought then just seeing him with that other woman.

"And the worse thing is I don't hate him. I really, really wish I did, but I can't. I don't know why but I can't bring myself to hate him."

"Hey, it's going to be ok. I know it hurts right now, but you have me and Matsumoto and we won't leave you Mai. We will always be by your side and we will never do something that will hurt you. You have my word." I looked up at Hitsugaya seeing the look of love and care mixed in with the worry he felt for me.

"Thank you," I say, burring my face into his shirt my tears slowly began to dwindle and as the tears stopped the two of us fell asleep with him still holding me close to him and my face now tucked comfortably under his chin.

"They look so cute together," I hear a female voice say somewhere off in the distance.

"If she had a guy like Hitsugaya why did she ever go out with someone like Haru?" I hear a male voice ask in reply to the comment of the female.

"I don't know?" the female replies, but I decide to ignore them finding them to not be a threat and finding curling up with Hitsugaya a much better option than listening in on two peoples conversation.

"Mhm," I complain as I nuzzle closer to Hitsugaya refusing to wake up.

"Mai," Hitsugaya asked and I could tell that he himself had just waked up.

"Mhm," I complain to him as I try to just ignore the fact that I had to get up. I don't remember ever being this conferrable and never before in the arms of another.

"Mai," I can feel him chuckle by the move of his chest and by the sound of his voice I can tell that he's smiling.

"I don't want to get up I'm confertable," I tell him.

"All right, I won't make you," he says as he rolls onto his side. I don't remember us ever lying down together on the ground, but we must have sometime while we were asleep.

"Thank you," I mumble back as I nuzzle into his neck that was now fair game with his new position and he wraps his arms around me again.

"Old leather books and mint," I whisper as I realize what his sent is.

"Hm?" he asks looking down at me.

"Nothing," I tell him nuzzling my nose against his neck and sigh with contentment.

"Mai, are you alright?" Hisugaya asks sounding genuinely concerned, but somewhat against asking incase I start to cry again.

"Yeah, I'm still hurt but to an extent it doesn't really surprise me. There were signs but I just ignored them. I know he promised he would never push me further than I was ready but it was the little things that when I think about it I begin to question myself on why I hadn't taken notice to before."

"Its hindsight," Hitsugaya tells me, but I can hear a slight waver in his voice when he starts.

"Is me position bothering you?" I ask thinking that might be the cause.

"No," he says shaking his head slightly as he just holds me closer to him.

I smile, my lips brushing against his neck ever so slightly as I do so, but I just close my eyes and relax against his body.

"The sun is beginning to rise," Hitsugaya says after a while of silence. I turn my head to look and see that it was. I sit up and Hitsugaya is soon to follow as we dangled our feet over the edge of the mountain I had ran up last night.

"It's funny, the first time I had ever saw you I was walking home from one of the clubs I was in and you were standing all alone gazing up at the sunset. The only reason I took notice of you was because I had been doing the same thing, but told myself that I needed to continue walking home. It was the last time I ever saw you."

"Why hadn't you approached me?"

"Sure and say 'hello my name is Mai, we go to school together and have the same classes. What's your name?' That wouldn't have gone over well because you would think I was some weird fan girl of just annoying." Hitsugaya prepares himself to argue that that isn't true, but I stop him before he can even begin.

"We both know that's true because we both would think the same thing if in the others shoes." Hitsugaya doesn't both to say anything.

"It's interesting that it wasn't until I saw the way that you looked at the sunset did I ever take an interest in you. My thought was you honestly hated school and saw it as a waste and didn't really care about much of anything, but when I saw the way you look at the sunset I knew that wasn't true. I could tell you wanted to be somewhere else and somewhere in your past held your mind about someone you truly cared about and would give everything too. It was the same time that I last saw you did I realize that about you." Hitsugaya looked at me as I stared at the sunset remembering that day.

"I didn't want to be there, I saw it as pointless waste of time."

"It is if you have your life planned out and are working your job," I chuckle.

"Oh and you haven't learned anything new there?" He asked looking at me doubtfully.

"I did learn some new things, but for the most part it's just stuff that my personal teachers taught me before I was seven."

"So you've been the protage your whole life?" I nod my head.

"The oldest child, typically a male but if there is no male than just the oldest exciting child, takes control of the business. Also, considering that my parents knew that I was the Aquarius they wanted me to run their businesses and have the contacts they have. Now that I think back on it a good portion of the donators have told me that if my sister took over they would stop donating and there have been times when I question what I just saw. Some of the donator are Aquariuses themselves."

"Once you go back you can begin to build a stronger bond since you now know the truth." I nod my head.

"I'll miss this place. I've grown to love Matsumoto and you Hitsugaya." I smile as I lean my head on Hitsugaya's shoulder.

"I wish you could just stay here," Hitsugaya mumbles causing me to smile bigger.

"Have I grown on you?" I ask playfully.

"Hn," he says closing off towards me.

"The cold shoulder again," I sigh. "It won't work on me Hitsugaya I've grown used to it and can give it back."

"Oh," he asks with doubt to my turned back.

I don't reply.

"Let's see how long that can last?"

Hitsugaya begins to tickle me. I try to hold back the fits of laughter, but I fail after only a few seconds and begin to laugh and swarm as I desperately try to free myself.

"Not fair!" I cry as I turn on him and begin to tickle him back.

The two of us now switched rules. I was tickling him and he was laughing and trying to break free. He did a better job than me though because after only a couple of seconds of me being dominate and tickling him he began to tickle me through his fits of laughter. I began to laugh instantly and lost consecration. Hitsugaya took advantage of this and rolled me over and pinned me to the ground as he tickled me.

"Ok, ok I give," I say through gasps of breaths and laughter.

"Good," he says with a smirk on his lips as he looked down at me.

I laughed slightly as I tried to regain my breath back.

_God that smirk looks hot_, I think to myself as I take it in.

The left side of his lips tilted upwards ever so slightly. It gave the rest of his face a boyish, playful looked to him. He didn't seem so intense as usual. His work has still aged him slightly, but he was happier right now. He was relaxed and I liked that.

"Mai, I'm going to still you for the day as long as that's alright with you." I nod my head.

"I would love that."


	13. My Day with Hitsugaya!

Once the sun had fully risen I couldn't help but notice how peaceful everything looked around the Gotei 13. No one could tell guess all the drama and over worked people going with almost no sleep by looking at it. The Gotei 13 looked like a place of order and peace, but really it was anything but that. The Gotei 13 had a day dedicated to nothing but paper work because of how much paper work was required by people of any rank. I had dragged into those crazy days myself and I wasn't even considered a squad member. It was such a hectic place and I was a part of it without being a fully fledged member. No one could ever tell with how peaceful it looks right now showered in the early morning light of a new day.

"They say with every rise of the sun comes a new beginning, but I don't believe in that because the poor still go on being poor, the wealthy still go on rich and most still greedy, the ill still travel on the path of death fighting to live, as the dead are still dead, and the living still go on unaware of their last day. Some people's lives are even ended at the dawn of a new dead. That statement is true irony at its core."

"What makes you say this?" Hitsugaya asks looking at me as I continue to stare out at the Gotei 13.

"Just how peaceful the Gotei 13 looks in the morning sun rays."

"You get all this just from that image?"

"No, it's something I always thought but knowing the truth behind this place and how it looks from here it just reminds me of the truth I've always known. When my parents died someone told me; 'Mai always remember that with each rising sun a new bright day begins and happiness will always follow.' I waited the next day, unable to sleep, and watched the sunrise and I told myself that with this rising sun everything would be fine. That day was one of the hardest of my life and no happiness followed with the rising sun or with trying to keep a smile on and make it seem like I was strong for the businesses."

"Since you're parents died it's always been hard for you hasn't it?"

"My life has never been hard, but I think it's been easier than some people have it. At least when my parents died we had money in our name instead of debt and we have always had food in our stomach with a roof over our head."

"You're sister and you," he asked to clarify. I nod my head.

"Should we start heading down? If we begin heading down now we should make it in town in time for us to enjoy a lunch."

"That would sound nice," I say nodding my head and standing up.

Three hours paced by quickly with Hitsugaya as we walked down the mountain I had ran up in less than two hours last night. I hadn't really been paying attention to where I was going, but fortunately Hitsugaya had as he chased after me. If it wasn't for him I would have gotten lost easily with all of the twist and turns. There was no one path to get to where I had slept last night and most of the way to get there was without a path. I truly wondered how I got there last night.

Hitsugaya walked into the town alongside me in silence. Neither one spoke a word on our way to town, but it didn't bother me. During most our training sessions we didn't talk too much so I was conferrable in the silence and it's nice. We didn't need to speak with words to know what the other was thinking we just did.

Hitsugaya stopped in front of a restaurant then looked at me. As he's about to ask me if this place would be fine I nod my head and the two of us walk in together.

"Welcome, table for two?" The blond haired waitress asked as she looked at Hitsugaya. I could see it in her eyes, the way she looked at Hitsugaya, she wanted him for herself. She found Hitsugaya hot, not just in appearance but in power as well. She was the type of person thought power was the way to judge a person and Hitsugaya had more than enough power to satisfy her.

When the waitress looked at me she saw something completely beneath Hitsugaya. By the way she wrinkled her nose I can tell she found my looks unsatisfying and disgusting compared to method of exposing it all, while I hid most of my body with my uniform. She believed that my hair was bleached; by the way she rolled her eyes when she set sight on it. When she was done checking out her 'computation' she smirked and walked up to Hitsugaya, or swayed her hips side to side and little walking to Hitsugaya.

"Why I don't I show you to your seat," she said in a cheerful voice and placed her hand on Hitsugaya's arm and guided 'us' to our seats.

"Now if you ever need anything don't be afraid to call," she said to Hitsugaya as she leaned down a bit to give Hitsugaya a good view of her boobs, but he wasn't even looking which caused me to smirk just a bit.

"Actually yes I have a favor to ask," I say speaking up which caused Hitsugaya to look up at me and the waitress to glare at me but quickly force a smile on her lips.

"What is it?" she strains to keep that cheerful smile and voice up when she really wants to rip my throat out.

"What's your name so I can report you to the super attendant for sexually harassing my captain?" My smile that I had been keeping up fell as soon as I began to talk and the look on my face was no longer happy but dissatisfied.

I watched as the waitress face fell from strained happiness to complete terror. She knew I wasn't kidding and unless she stopped I would complain to the manager. From the way she reacted I was guessing I wasn't the first to say this to her. It wouldn't honestly surprise me.

"I don't appreciate the attitude I'm getting when you turn your back to my captain. I don't appreciate the way you throw yourself at him when he is clearly younger at him and honestly I think that should be considered you a petifiler. I'm simply going out with my captain right now, trying to enjoy myself and unless you knock it off I will report you." Hitsugaya and the waitress were both looking at me shocked now. Hitsugaya has never seen me react this way. I seemed so calm and composed when I spoke and there wasn't a hint of anything that wasn't professional other than the look in my eyes. My eyes were the source of my distaste when I looked at the waitress.

"I'm sorry mama I'll stop right away," the waitress said as she bowed and scampered off.

"Are you alright?" Hitsugaya asked when he looked at me.

"Tell me that you didn't notice the way she was throwing herself at you?" I asked in disbelief

"Matsumoto does that all the time because it's just her personality, I grew used to it." I sighed by his lack of a reaction.

"The girl only thought you were hot and powerful. Doesn't anyone ever try to get to know the guy before going after them?"

"I do," I looked up at Hitsugaya and saw him blush deeply because I had said guy not girl.

"I mean-"

"I know what you meant Hitsugaya," I smile. "I'm glad that you at least try to get to know them before going after them and that I'm not the only one out there sane because I was starting to think I wasn't.

"You're mature and sane. That's part of why I love to be around you."

I smile up at Hitsugaya. I can't help it. Hitsugaya loved to be around me which gave me an excuse to maybe be around him more often. One of my only reasons for getting up every day, no matter how tired I was, was so I could see him and just be myself and enjoy myself. It was an effect that only Hitsugaya could bring out of me.

"You're one of the few people I can actually trust and the only one I feel I can relax completely around." He nods his head, smiling at me.

"Can I start you off with anything to drink," a different waitress from before asked and Hitsugaya and me both turned our heads to look at her.

"Tea please," Hitsugaya said then looked at me.

"Same," I tell the waitress.

"Alright what kind would you like?"

"Green tea," Hitsugaya and I say at the same time.

"Oww you two are so cute," the waitress says smiling at us.

"Oh we're…" Hitsugaya looked at me as I picked up where he left off.

"Together," I say.

"Oh, you're not? You two seem it by the way you're so relaxed and conferrable. Not just that it's like the way two look at each other. Oh, you two would make such a good couple."

Hitsugaya and I blushed as our new waitress scurried away from the table.

"Sorry-"

"It's alright," I tell him as I look back up at him, a slight blush still lingering on my cheeks.

It wasn't like the thought never crossed my mind before. In fact I had thought about it a couple of times, but I always told myself that he was my captain I couldn't do that. No matter how much I wanted to. If he wasn't my captain I would never had gotten to know him as well and I would never see him, but because he is I'm not allowed to have him.

Our drinks soon came and our orders were taken. Hitsugaya and I talked a lot until our food came. Our talks weren't about anything specific, but they weren't all over the place and crazy. There was order, but casual conversations.

"Here's your bill," the waitress says smiling before walking off.

"I'll get it," Hitsugaya says taking the bill.

"Are you sure?" I ask feeling kind of bad for making him get it, but he nodded his head and placed the money on the table with a tip before standing up and leaving with me.

"I told you, I'm stealing you for the day. That means everything is on me and I have the day planed out for the two of us." I look at Hitsugaya. A part of me still felt bad, but it made sense I guess. This was his treat I just didn't want him to feel obligated to pay for everything when he was being so nice. I smiled any ways and nodded my head as I fell in toe with him.

"It's about two and there is a fair in town. We can catch the parade if you want."

"That sound like fun. I can honestly say I don't remember the last time I watched a parade or been to a fair, so it will be like the first time for me."

"You'll love it then." Hitsugaya smiled up at me and it caused me to smile as well.

Hitsugaya dragged me deeper into the town and it was as if the whole place came to life. Everyone was smiling and laughing. Kids and adults alike were playing carnival games some winning and other losing. There was side street entertainment. People were singing and dancing. The whole place was contagious and beautiful.

"What would you like to do first?" I turn and look at Hitsugaya with the widest smile he has ever seen from me. I looked around me unsure where to start.

"I don't know," I say chuckling slightly.

"How about the fun house?" Hitsugaya offered and I nodded my head as we jogged off to the fun house, me leading the way.

"You seem like a little kid," Hitsugaya chuckled as we walked into the fun house.

"I still am you know. I might be a sixteen year old living an adult life, but I'm still considered a kid. Plus mature _adults_ still need to be a kid sometimes," I say making fun of the word adult.

When we first entered it was straight to the hall of mirrors. It wasn't too hard for Hitsugaya and me to get through the maze but a couple of times I smacked into a mirror by mistake. Every time I did Hitsugaya would simply chuckle at me and help me off the ground while I rubbed my head. As we went deeper into the fun house we came to the vortex. I walked in without a second though on the matter and instantly find myself unable to walk straight.

"You alright," Hitsugaya called from behind me.

"I can't tell what direction I'm supposed to walk."

"I'll help you," Hitsugaya said taking the lead and guiding me through the vortex by the hand.

Just the feel of Hitsugaya's finger tips brushing my hand before he took a hold of it went a wave of electricity throughout my hold body. When his hand clasped with mine I felt that wave crawl up my arm and travel down the rest of my body. It was just his hand and could do this to me. I couldn't imagine what a kiss you do to me.

I shake my head and begin to lecture myself for that thought. I couldn't help it though, there was something about Hitsugaya. I broke all the rules I put in place for myself just thinking about. I had said that I would never fall for anyone that was a superior for me, though that would never have been a problem if my life didn't take such a weird turn.

_While that weird turn made my life more difficult it's also a blessing._ I turn my head and smile as I look at Hitsugaya , both of us exiting the vortex and the end of the fun house.

"The parade should be starting soon, we should hurry over there." I nod my head and again we jog over to the parade, him leading this time. He never once let go of my hand on our way there.

Somehow Hitsugaya managed to get us into the front row. I think a lot of it had to do with the captain cape Hitsugaya wore and the other part was that both of us are from the Gotei 13. It didn't matter to me though because it made the day just that more perfect for me.

"Oh, sorry," Hitsugaya said yanking his hand away from me suddenly.

"It's alright," I say but having to hold on to a light smile. I didn't want him to let go of my hand. It felt so natural having his fingers intertwined in mine. I don't say anything though; I just turn my attention to the parade that was beginning and watch it.

"The fireworks should be starting in an hour. I know the perfect spot to watch them."

"That would sound perfect," I smile as I follow him through the crowd as he led the way.

Looking up at the sky I could see how late it was now. The sun was setting; painting the sky with such beautiful pastel colors. I could see red, pink, orange, and light blue fading. The clouds seemed to take another form as they too were painted in color. This whole day did seem truly magical.

"Here we are," Hitsugaya said motioning to the grassy green hill with a few wild flowers growing. No one was around so it was just the two of us and the two of us alone. I take my spit beside him and watch the rest of the sunset along side of him with my back on the nice soft ground.

"Thank you Hitsugaya."

"Hm," he asked turning to face me.

"Thank you for everything. I've never had so much fun and this is what I've truly needed. I can't think of a better person to spend it with either. You are truly my knight in shining armor when I need you the most you seem to always be there."

"No, not always."

"Hm," I ask confused.

"I've caused you to cry and I've hurt you. I wasn't there when you're parents died and you fended for yourself and your sister. I have not always been there when you needed someone." The look in his eyes was that of a hurt animal. He seemed heart broken right now and it was because he hadn't been able to be there every time for me and been the cause of my hurt before.

I roll over so that I'm partly resting on him.

"You did hurt me," he winced at the way I so bluntly put that out there and I knew that was probably not the way to start off what I was trying to say. "And you know what, it was my fault. I was the one that changed the way I did simply because you were in a bad mood and I thought that it was my fault. If it wasn't for that argument though I would still be acting the way I was. You also beat yourself up about it so much that even if I could I wouldn't be mad about it. Later that same night though you also came to check on me and made me feel better. When my parents died you also didn't know me so there was no way for you to help me, but since the day I met you have always been the one there for me. So you shouldn't be upset about it. I myself begin to feel heart broken when I see that look in your eyes _Captain Hitsugaya_." I say his name playfully remember how he got on my case the first time I hadn't called him by his proper title, yet I don't say it at all now had he doesn't even mine it.

"I won't hurt you ever again or be the cause of tears."

"Only the happy ones," I say curl into him.

"Yes, only the happy ones," he agrees lightly as he wraps an arm around me.

"The fireworks are starting," I say as I turn my head to look at them bursting with colors and lighting up the whole sky.

"They're beautiful," I breath in amazement.

"Mhm," Hitsugaya agreed whit a light nod of his head.

"We should go to next year's fair," I say looking up at Hitsugaya now that the firework show was over.

"If you're still here."

"Oh, yeah, if I'm still here," I say turning my face away from Hitsugaya remembering that this place is not where I belong. I wasn't a part of this world and I didn't belong with these people either. I was simply a temporarily apart if this world and these people's lives. It didn't make me a part of them no matter how much I wish it did.

"I wish it did, I truly do." I whisper to myself as I heave a sigh.

"What do you wish?"

"Nothing," I tell Hitsugaya saying happier than I felt suddenly.

"We should be heading back, if we don't get back soon Matsumoto is going to be an even bigger hassle to deal with," I say smiling at Hitsugaya at the thought of what a waited us.

"Yeah you're right." Hitsugaya sounded as reluctant as I felt as the two of us got up and began our way back to the barracks.


	14. I don't want to Fight you

In silence Hitsugaya and I walked into the squad ten barrack. There wasn't much to say and neither of us really felt like talking or the need to fill the void. It was just there and while it felt a bit awkward after our last true subject being that I wasn't really a part of this world. I didn't belong here because this wasn't my world or what my life was going to be like forever.

The saying you don't know what you have tell its gone was never truer. I haven't lost this life yet, but I know that leaving here was going to be the hardest thing in my life. Here I have found great happiness that I have never been able to have before. Here I have found great pain and betrayal that I had never felt, because I never let myself feel it. The pain of what Haru did to me was still fresh and a different type of pain then what I felt when Harper had died. It was a type of pain that I wouldn't let myself feel if I had stayed back in the world of the living. There were so many things that I would never allow or have the chance to experience if I stayed in the world of the living. If I had stayed in the world of the living I wouldn't have met Hitsugaya or Matsumoto my two closest friends. The only friends I ever opened up to or ask advice from. Before the only people I called friends were Ichigo, Orihime, Uryu, Chad, and Tatsuki and never did I open up to them or ask advise I only spent time with them at school or if I saw them we would stop and chat for a bit. Akio, my second hand at the offices was the only one I would ask a second opinion from and that was always business or shopping for the balls we were forced to go to, never in my personal live. There were so many things here that I would lose by going back to my world and just the thought of having to go back that it physically pained me. I would truly lose my happiness when I go back.

"Mai," I hear a voice with a dangerous edge to it call. I look upwards, pulling my head out of thought to see Haru standing in front of me.

Haru didn't look the same. His eyes weren't those lonely distant eyes that could change to bright and happy at any given moment. His eyes held anger and distaste, two things I never saw in his eyes before. His features were sharper and twisted with anger giving him a sinister look to them. The three earrings still looked the same, but gave him an even darker look. He didn't look at all like the Haru I had known.

"Haru," I say trying to keep the shock and hurt out of my voice.

"Would you like me to stay with you," Hitsugaya asked knowing that talking to Haru so soon wouldn't be easy on me.

"No, go on ahead without me. Besides I'm sure you have paper work that needs to be done knowing Matsumoto." In truth I wanted Hitsugaya here beside me, but I knew that I would have to deal with Haru eventually; weather tomorrow, in a week, or even a month I would have to deal with confronting him. The sooner the better and if I handle him now maybe I could salvage our friendship. I wouldn't trust him like I used to, but I didn't want to lose the friendship I had with him.

"So you seemed to move on pretty fast," Haru says watching Hitsugaya leave before turning his attention back to me.

"I'm not dating him," I tell Haru clearly.

"Oh then what were you doing all day because it doesn't seem like you were at training grounds, in your bed room, or even in the cafeteria. You know Dan and Jeff came to me after the found out that you knew my dark little secret. Both of them told me that they can no longer be around me if I didn't change and fast. It all leads back to you and what do you think they would say if they found out that you are already dating our captain, though you found out just last night? Were you waiting for something like this to dump me and move on to our captain? I always knew that you two were close, but never did I think you two were this close." I let Haru ramble on. I didn't care what he said or thought about Hitsugaya and me. I wasn't dating Hitsugaya and I would tell him this, but I also knew that Haru needed this time to ramble on.

"I'm not dating Hitsugaya, Haru. Last night Hitsugaya came to me after he found out about me running off. Earlier today he offered to take me out and to get away for the day. I took him up on the offer thinking it would be nice and knowing that a day with him would be fun. We just came back from the fair is all. We are not dating. Haru, I'm not like that."

"Oh, you really expect me to believe that? Great story Mai. Though, from the sound of the story it sounds as if he asked you out on a date. Explain that to me." Haru crossed his arms to emphasize the fact that he didn't believe me.

"I know that it sounds like a date, but Hitsugaya and I are close. He knew how upset I was and he was trying to cheer me up by letting me enjoy myself. I promise you I'm dating my superior, I'm strongly against that. You of all people should know that Haru."

"I still don't believe you."

"Haru, please let's not do this. I want us to still be friends-"

"Like I was ever you're friend. The only reason I was nice to you is because I wanted to have sex with you. I wanted to break someone pure and add it to my list of the unbreakable."

"So everything was nothing but a lie!" I yell out of shock. I had thought that he was at least a true friend to me. I guess some people knew how to trick others pretty well. I just wish I had figured it out sooner. I normally could read people very well, but I was completely wrong about Haru and who he truly was.

"Bingo, about time you realize. Didn't it ever seem odd to you that I kept pushing you to do things?"

"I didn't like it, but I always thought you were a good guy."

"Well I guess you were wrong again and that would make me the first person you couldn't read."  
>"I don't need to be able to read you now that your true colors show because you're not going to be in my life anymore." I begin to walk seeing this conversation as over. I didn't want anything to do with the real Haru. This Haru was not the Haru I wanted to be friends with. I wanted nothing more to do with him unless it was my hand going across his face. I wouldn't let that side get the better of me. I don't act out on anger because that would only lead to senseless bloodshed and unnecessary fighting.<p>

"No, I will still get what I want," Haru says grabbing my wrist as I walked past him.

"Let go of me Haru," I warn keeping my voice calm and melo, the exact opposite of what I felt.

"Or what are you going to do? Kill me Mai? We both know you can't do it."

"Haru, you have five seconds to let me go before I put you in a wrist lock and if you swarm you will end up dislocating your own shoulder." My voice didn't sound like my own. My voice was dark and hollow, devoid of any emotion. I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had no other choice when I felt his sword being pressed against my back suddenly. The only options I had been fight, or be rapped it I wasn't killed trying to run away. I would rather fight then be forced into something against my will.

"I would like to see you try," he laughed harshly, but there was no humor in his voice.

"Five, four, three, two, _one_," I gave him his chance and I didn't want to do it, but Haru left me without a choice.

Left foot over stepped my right foot while I moved my right hand to grab his hand holding the wrist. I turned around and ended behind him with his wrist twisted unnatural towards the ceiling. The more he swarmed the more tension he put on his wrist and shoulder.

"I'm going to kill you!" He was mad and I couldn't blame him. I was embarrassing him in front of everyone now gathered around for to see the fight. Haru, the fifth seat, was getting beaten by an unranked member who hadn't even gone to the Academy. It was something that would make him hate me even more, but I warned him he just didn't listen to me.

I felt his sword rise in his hand as he flipped it around with the full intent of killing me. I grab his other wrist, which held the sword, with my spare hand. I dug my nails into his skin by his nerve veins. It didn't take too long for him to drop his sword to the ground. I released my grip on him.

"I don't want to fight you Haru," I say as I walked off. I wasn't going to fight him. If I was to truly fight Haru it wouldn't be my usual fight where I was dethatched. A fight with Haru would be personal. I could end up seriously hurting him and the condition that I left his shoulder in he could dislocate it simply by trying to attack me.

"Well to bad because I want to fight you," he says running at me with his fist raise to hit me. I side stepped out of the way at the last second and grabbed him by his uniform and took him down to the ground. I pinned him there with my knee on his lower back and hands still holding on to his uniform.

"Haru just give up on this matter. We don't have to fight each other." I didn't see much of a point in trying to work this out with him, but I still didn't want to fight with him. It wasn't necessary for me to fight with him and it wasn't necessary for him to fight with me.

"Ha," he barked harshly. "I will kill you and make that stupid little snot nosed brat pay for what belongs to me."

He hit a sore spot to me. I was fine if he wanted to make me pay for whatever he deemed I did wrong to him, but for him to take this to Hitsugaya when he hadn't done anything to him, that was not alright. Hitsugaya hadn't done anything to him. He hadn't taken me from him I left him because he was cheating on me. Hitsugaya tried to warn me, but he never told me it directly because he didn't want to hurt our relationship. If he had told me I wouldn't have been hurt as bad and I would believe him, but with doubt in my mind. Hitsugaya had nothing to do with this and Haru would not hurt him.

"Leave Hitsugaya out of this!" I was mad and my anger was getting the better of me.

"Oh it's not like he's any better than anyone else," Haru says trying to get out of my grip.

"He's a better man than you or anyone else I've met!" I yell shoving his shoulders back down as a popping sound followed by Haru screaming out in pain followed. I looked at him waiting for him to move, but the pain had caused him to pass out. In silence I stand up and turn towards the audience that had formed a circle around us.

"Mika and Zero take Haru to the sward four barracks for me please," I ask turning to face them. I didn't feel like dealing with this and I needed to go inform Hitsugaya about what happened, though I really didn't want to it needed to be done.

"No problem Mai," they say as they grabbed Haru and began to head out.

"Mai I can't believe you defeated Haru," someone I never met before said following me as I walked to Hitsugaya's office.

"Please can you give me some privacy I need to let Hitsugaya know about the fight," I ask turning to the girl as we stood outside of his office.

"Yeah of course," she said feeling a bit rejected.

"Thank you," I say before slipping into Hitsugaya's office.

"How did it go," he asked looking up from his paperwork to greet me.

"We got into a fight and is on his way to the squad four barracks as we speak."

"What happened," he asked calmly but I saw the way his eyes widen when I said we got into a fight. He didn't expect this from me of all people and I had let him down. I just refused to let him see how sorry I felt for letting him down like this.

"I tried talking to him but then he told me he was lying to me so he could get in my pants. I told him that if that was the case and this was his true him then I didn't want him in my life. He grabbed my wrist as I tried to walk away. I told him to let me go, but he refused to and pulled his sword out and pressed it to my back. I told him again to let go of me and that I would give him a five second countdown before I put him in a wrist lock. If I didn't do something then he was going to rap me like he had always planed. He still didn't let me go so I went through with my threat and asked him again to just drop this and to not fight with me. I turned his sword on me planning to kill me so I had him drop it. Again I tried to walk away but he attacked me and I was forced to pin him where his shoulder dislocated and he passed out."

"So you're not hurt, then why do you seem so upset? You didn't act out on your anger."

"No, I didn't but I let you down."

"How do you figure?"

"I never get into a fight and I always have a better control over the situation. These are things you and everyone else expect of me, but I didn't have a better control and I did get into a fight." I want to hold in the tears that threatened to show, but I'm not sure if I can. I had let Hitsugaya down now twice; once with Matsumoto and now with this fight.

"That's why I offered to stay with you," he sighs. "I knew that you were still hurting for his betrayal and knew that his true personality was coming out. I wanted to help you through it and make sure nothing happened to you."

"It only would have made things worse if you were there. Part of the reason he was mad was because he thought I moved on to you and that you had taken me away from him."

"I'm sorry I only made things worse for you," he apologizes and it wasn't that apology that most people give feeling that that is what the person wanted to hear. Hitsugaya was truly sorry and only proved my point that I made to Haru about how Hitsugaya was a better man than any other man I had ever met.

"No, he just needed any excuse he could fine to get mad at me. He picked you because he knows how close we are and with us coming back after being gone all day it was easy for him to make it out like we're dating. You have no need to apologize I'm the one that does. I'm sorry for dragging you into this and making things more difficult than they already are," I say bowing deeply to him.

"There's no need to apologize, Haru was the one acting irresponsible. You had tried to not fight with him, but he left you with no choice."

"Thank you." I say bowing to him again before I excused myself and went to bed for the night.


	15. Goodbye Hitsugaya

~I promise there will be more this is not the end of Aquarius~

"Mai," I hear a voice come softly somewhere in the distance.

"mhm," I murmur incoherently as I fight consciousness.

"Mai," I hear the voice again as something begins to shake my shoulder.

"What," I ask tiredly as I open my eyes and turn to see who was waking me up. "Hitsugaya," I say shocked as I shoot upwards.

"Mai can you pull the blanket up," he asks turning his head away. I look down at myself to see what he was talking about and a wide blush creeps across my face as I see myself only in my bra and underwear.

"S-sorry," I stammer pulling the blanket up to cover my chest.

"What do you need Hitsugaya," I ask wondering why he was here. The sun hasn't risen yet so I wasn't late for training and I know it wasn't paperwork day because that only came once a month.

"The captains are holding a trial because of Haru's and your fight. The Central 46 refuses to see this case because you are not part of the Gotei 13, but some of the captain's still feel this matter should be handled with."

"When is the trial?" I ask full awake and aware of what was going on. I knew the seriousness on the matter at hand.

"At seven."

"What time is it now?"

"Six thirty, I figured you want to get ready for the day before the trial. You won't be up first. They will first bring in the witnesses then Haru. You'll be going last. They won't be asking you questions just about last night."

"Do you think if they feel fit they are going to transfer me or stop training me?" I ask the question, but afraid of the possible answers. I don't show my fear because I don't want Hitsugaya to see it, but I do feel it deep inside me.

"They won't stop training you because it's the Gotei 13 job to train you, but they could very well transfer you to a different squad. I'm not the only one that can train you; I was only seen as the best fit for the job at the time." He gave me the worse answer that I could have received. In their, the captain's, eyes Hitsugaya was replaceable as my teacher. I didn't have to have him as my teacher they just thought he was the best fit and that since he was the one that brought me back and was there for me when my sister die Hitsugaya would get a better response from me. Now that I was emotionally stable and fit they didn't need Hitsugaya as my teacher anymore and someone else could take over for him. The Captain's wouldn't care that I had formed bonds with everyone at this squad. That wasn't what was important to them. Getting me to control my powers and getting me sent off is what is important. My feelings are no longer of their concern.

"I'll be there two minutes early," I tell him and earn myself a smirk. I'm always two minutes early showing up somewhere.

"I'll be there exactly at seven," he says earning a smirk for me.

"I'll take it seriously I promise and we can be back to training tomorrow morning like every morning."

"I'll let you get ready now," he says leaving me alone and closing the door behind him.

I had joked the matter off and lightened the mood, but I know how serious the matter really is. I just wanted to ease Hitsugaya's mind. I didn't want Hitsugaya to be troubled by this. My stakes were stacked in my eyes, but they weren't death so I didn't have to worry about dying. I would just have to slip into my negotiating set mind as if I was trying to persuade a company to sign a contract with us. The only problem is trying to prove to complete strangers that I hadn't done anything that wasn't necessary and that I should stay on Hitsugaya's squad are two different things. I didn't hold something to use as leverage this time.

I sigh as I leave my bed and get ready for the day. I didn't know what to expect, but I prepared myself as much as I could. I though over in my head any questions they might ask me, any questions that could come up. I thought of how. I was thinking of ways to explain ditching training with Matsumoto and how I could turn that around, because that wasn't going to look good and would be used against Hitsugaya for the captains that want me off of his squad would use that against us. I also spent my time thinking of ways to turn around Hitsugaya and me ditching our duties yesterday in the most beneficial way possible. I needed to show to the captains that being on Hitsugaya's squad was a good thing for everyone on that team, not just me.

I arrive in front of the Captain Meeting Hall exactly two minutes early just as I promised and just as Hitsugaya promised he showed up exactly on time. We nod our heads to each other as our greeting, not wanting to make it too apparent that we weren't anything more than Captain/teacher and subordinate/student. On the surface that's what we are, but in truth we were friends and what we were supposed to be.

The trail begins and one by one the squad was interrogated asking questions that I couldn't hear. I saw a few people that hadn't been there brought in because they were considered friends of mine or friends of Haru's. Finally after Haru goes up and is brought back out it was my turn.

"I hope you get put on Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi squad," Haru whispers as he passes by me. I ignore his comment and continue to look forward.

"Mai Fan," a booming voice calls out.

I walk into the dimly lighted room with my head up and a blank face. I refused to give anything away for them to use against me. If they could not read me they couldn't use myself against me.

"Miss Fan, tell us your side of the incident that happened last night between you and Haru Chiyo."

"Yes Head Captain Yamamoto," I say before I begin relating the complete incident of last night and explain my reason behind what I did. I was always straight to the point not wasting anyone's time. I was trying to win everyone's favorite. I needed to win everyone over if I wanted to get the result I seek. It was one of the basics my father had taught me.

"So you prolonged the fight as long as you could?" Yamamoto asked trying to get me to clarify. Yamamoto was on my side that means I had at least two captains on my side.

"Yes, Head Captain Yamamoto."

"You should have just fought with him in the first place," the spiky haired Captain, which I had learned name was Captain Kenpachi.

"I understand how you feel Captain Kenpachi, but I did not want to fight with Haru because I try to avoid fighting with others I would rather talk things out then fight and argue."

"If that is true then why did you dislocate his shoulder Miss Fan," the female captain of squad four named Captain Unohana asked sweetly.

"When I tried to walk away he pulled his sword to my back and had threatened to rap me to get me in bed with him. That had been his intentions all along and he had admitted it to me and the crowd that was watching. I asked him multiple times to let me go but he refused and I refused to let him do whatever he wanted to me."

"I can't blame him for him wanting to go to bed with you; you are quiet good looking," the perverted captain Captain Kyoraku says pulling his hat down over his eyes slightly.

"While she is quiet attractive that still does not give him a reason to do what he did," the white haired captain was the kindest of the captains and seemed to be the most caring as well. His name was Captain Ukitake and while I still didn't want to be transferred I would not mind being transferred to his if it came down to it. I knew that if I was transferred to his squad I would still be allowed to see Hitsugayay, the other squads I was unsure about the possibility of doing to.

I don't make a comment on the matter that was brought up. I was uncomfortable with strangers talking about me like this. I also saw it not my place to speak up, they were my superior, and while I wasn't on their squad they were still higher ranking then me.

"I don't see what is wrong with her dislocating the guys shoulder. People on my squad get injures like that all the time and injures much worse happen all the time just with training. So what she isn't an actual member of the Gotei 13? The guy was threatening her and planning on rapping her. If anyone should be put on trail and to be punished is Haru, not Mai!"

_At least three_, I think to myself as I look at Captain Sui-Feng of squad two and of the Stealth Force.

"Enough, we are here for more than just discussing the matter of last night." Captain Yamamoto says banging his staff.

"Mai, would you explain to us what you did with Matsumoto when you skipped training almost a week ago and would you explain to us the reasoning behind the matter." He asked the one question I was still unsure of how to spin around. I had known this was going to happen and I had tried to find a way but I just can't think of anything very good and expectable.

I take a deep breath that no one seemed to notice and from the corner of my eye I can see a look in Hitsugaya's eyes telling me not to try and protect Matsumoto.

"That morning Lieutenant Matsumoto had woken me up shortly before I normally got up. I had been up tell about six in the morning for almost two weeks before that,"

"Did your day begin at six or had your days end at six," Captain Kuchiki asked trying to clearify what I was saying.

"My days would end at six Captain Kuchiki," I say bowing my head before adding. "I am sorry for not making that clearer beforehand." He nods his head in response and I giving me permission to raise my head.

"Continue," Yamamoto says and I do as I was told.

"I had told my lieutenant that I wasn't able to skip out on training today, but she dragged me out of my room and ordered me to go with here."

"Is this true Captain Hitsugaya?" Yamamoto asked turning to Hitsugaya to confirm and interrupting me.

"Yes Captain Yamamoto," Hitsugaya says as a light blush creeps over his face and causes me to blush as well as we both remember me desperately clinging to the in my bra and underwear. It hadn't been as embarrassing as earlier day with him already seeing me in my bra and underwear and that I had already been mostly covered.

"Did something happen between you two that day," Yamamoto asked looking between us two.

"No Captain Yamamoto it's just that Lieutenant Matsumoto had dragged me straight out of bed and I hadn't been dressed in the most appropriate wear at the time."

"So Captain Hitsugaya you admit to seeing Miss Fan before she took off?"

"Yes I did see Miss Fan before she and Matsumoto took off."

"So why did you not stop them?"

"I had-"

"If you had seen them before they left it is your job to stop them so why hadn't you Captain Hitsugaya.

"I hadn't-"

"You hadn't known is that right?"

"Captain Yamamoto in all due respect but you are not giving Captain Hitsugay a chance to finish. He didn't know that we were going to leaving that day because he saw use before I would head off to training. He had gone back into his office after Lieutenant Matsumoto let me go and he told me to go get changed. Captain Hitsugaya had no knowledge of Matsumoto's plan and if he had I am more than certain that he would not have let it have happened." I knew that I was taking a risk of losing Yamamoto's favor, but I couldn't just stand there and let him hassle Hitsugaya like that. I couldn't stand to see it.

"Standing up for your Captain or has he grown to be more than just a captain in your eyes Miss Fan? We know of the two of you skipping out on your duties yesterday and you had admitted it when you told us your side of what happened in the fight between you and Haru."

"No Head Captain Yamamoto, Captain is strictly my Captain and nothing more. I am strongly against superiors and subordinates having relationships. I feel that it can get in the way of doing what must be done and I myself have had to fire good hard workers because of cases such as that." I slide back to my matter of fact and collect exterior as I cover up my tracks. I had slipped up and made a mistake as my feelings got in the way, just like I had said. Having feelings for superiors always get in the way and that's why I was so strongly against it.

"Then why did you stand up for him?"

"Please do not take this as disrespect of any sort, but I felt like you were not giving him a fair chance and I felt that you were rudely cutting him off before he could speak Captain Yamamoto." I bow below the waist to show him the greatest respect in the attempt of regaining is favor that I had lost.

"Then would you like to explain to us what happened that day starting when Captain Hitsugaya came to you?"

"Yes Head Captain Yamamoto. Captain Hitsugaya had come to me a few hours after I had left the Gotei 13. I had not known where I was going at the time, but I was just trying to get away because after I caught Haru in a bed naked with another woman he began to chase after me as I walked away. When Captain Hitsugaya showed up he was simply trying to confer me, but by the time I had settled down both of us had fallen asleep. Both of us had woken up before the sun began to rise and we watched it. I still was not ready to go back to training emotionally and Captain Hitsugaya offered to spend the day with me and head back to the barracks in time for bed. I had taken him on the offer and we walked back down from the mountain. By the time we had gotten down it was past lunch time and both of us were hungry. He had taken me out to a restaurant so we could eat. Awe finished eating we had gone to the fair and watched the parade and fireworks. It was in town and I thought it would be fun since I had never gone to one before."

"That sounds like a date to me," Yamamoto says looking at me carefully to see if I gave anything away about how I felt about the 'date', but my walls were still up and I gave away nothing for him to use against me. I had slipped up once and just barely cleaned up my mess I couldn't allow a second slip up.

"I understand that it sounds like that but I could promise you that Hitsugaya and I aren't dating and that there is nothing going on between us. I know that I will not be in this world for too much longer and I won't be starting a relationship again. The only reason I had truly said yes to Haru was because we were good friends and everyone had been telling me that I need a distraction and to do something for myself."

"So you did it because other told you to not because you had feelings for the guys? Is that what you are saying?"

"No Head Captain Yamamoto what I was trying to say is that Haru and I were close before hand and when he asked me out I was unsure partly because I was so focused training as hard as I could so I could return to my duties back in the world of the living and partly because I have never been in a relationship. The timing was sort of convenate because of what everyone had been telling me. I said yes thinking a bit of a distraction would be good for me. It forced me to work more reasonable hours and not tell six in the morning and on a good day tell three almost four in the morning."

"I'm sorry I had not made it clearer beforehand Head Captain Yamamoto," I say bowing my head.

"Very well that is all for now. We will call you back in after we discuss what we have gathered. You may go." I bow deeply to all of the captains then turn around and leave the building.

"I truly hope everything I did was good enough," I whisper to myself as I stand waiting outside the build.

Hours go by and the sun had long set by the time I had left the meeting. The only thing going in my head as I wait for the answer is let me stay with Hitsugaya. I didn't want to leave his squad. I was afraid I would lose him and I didn't want that to happen until I had to leave the Gotei 13. I wanted to put that day off as long as possible, but I also knew that I had to get back to my world and responsibilities. In side I was torn between the two so every chance I got I would be with Hitsugaya and enjoy it. I would make the most with the time I had here and would spend it with him and enjoy myself. Even when I was with Haru it was Hitsugaya I truly cared about, I just didn't want to admit it to myself and I still don't because he is my superior.

"Mai Fan," the booming voice calls letting me know the decision was made and it was time for me to enter and hear the verdict. I walk in the same way I had the first time and had left; head held high and a blank expression.

"It has been decided that Mai Fan is going to be staying with Captain Kurotsuchi Mayuri starting tomorrow. You are to report to him at seven in the morning and no later." I nod my head fighting back the tears that threatened my eyes. I had lost Hitsugaya forever. I knew of the stories of that captain. I know what he does to people and how anyone that he got his claws into would never come back alive. To make matters worse Haru got his wish and I would never get to see Hitsugaya again.

"I understand," I say my voice oddly calm and foreign to me. My voice didn't reflect my feelings, but Hitsugaya could tell that it wasn't me who was speaking but a hollow shell at the moment.

"Meeting dismissed," Head Captain Yamamoto says and everyone files out except Hitsugaya and me.

"I'll walk you to the squad twelve barracks tomorrow so you don't get lost," Hitsugaya says seeming just as upset as I do.

"Alright," I say numbly and following him back to the barrack.

"Are you going to be alright?" Hitsugaya turns to me as we stop in front of our rooms.

"Yeah," I say as I turn and go to my room without even wishing him good night.

I collapse on my bed and break out in silent heaving sobs. The only thing I can think about is what I should have done. Every mistake I made playing out in my head. How I could of made a better argument for myself. All the things I had done wrong and how because of me I have lost Hitsugaya. It was my fault.

I didn't sleep that night and the tears never stopped tell it was time for me to get up. I wasn't going to wait for Hitsugaya to walk with me to the barracks. I could stand to see him again without bursting into the tears that I barely just got under control. It would be too painful.

I stop in front of Hitsugaya's room as I close my door silently behind me.

"Goodbye Hitsugaya."


	16. Day one of Hell

Hitsugaya's POV

Hitsugaya woke up at six thirty and quickly got dress. He knew that if he wanted to have a chance to catch Mai he would have to do everything a bit quicker this morning because Mai would want to be there two minutes early as she always was. That was just Mai. But even as he went to the cafeteria he didn't see Mai anywhere. When it was time for them to leave, Mai wasn't there before Hitsugaya.

"Mai," Hitsugaya called as he knocked on her door. Still nothing. "Mai," Hitsugaya called again this time opening the door.

Hitsugaya stuck his head into the room to see if maybe Mai had over slept, but that didn't sound like Mai. Mai was never late except that one time when she had over worked herself. Mai hated to be late and make people wait on her. If someone gave her a time to be somewhere she was there before that person even showed up. It didn't make sense for Mai to of over slept today when she knew how important for her to get to the squad twelve barracks. She wouldn't let her feelings get in the way.

The image of Mai last night when she was told the news played back in Hitsugaya's head. Mai's face was so neutral and blank that you would never be able to read how she felt unless you truly knew Mai. Her face was unnaturally blank and neutral for her. The face that he saw last night was like the face she gave him after she had cried for hours over her sister's bed. Her eyes were almost filled with the same amount of hollow emptiness. Mai was so torn up inside and probably blamed herself for everything.

Hitsugaya fought for Mai with Captain Kyoraku, and Captain Ukitake. The other Captains felt as if Hitsugaya and Mai were too close or that she shouldn't have fought with Haru. When it was decided that she would be taken off of Hitsugaya's squad Hitsugaya tried to get her put on squad thirteen Ukitake knowing that he would look after her and keep her as happy as he could. Hitsugaya knew that she had gone to school with Ichigo and since Rukia was on that squad when she came back Mai would be able to hang out with her friends. He had truly fought his hardest to get Mai in a squad that she would like and be happy in, but somehow everything got so out of hands and she ended up on Captain Kurotsuchi's squad.

Mai wasn't in her bed sleeping. Her bed was perfectly made. Her room was spotless without a trace of personalization. The room looked as if no one had ever lived in it. You couldn't tell that this room had belonged to Mai and not even a trace of her lingered except a barely there smell of the body spray that always lingered on her. It had been a gift from Matsumoto after her first day here. Matsumoto had done it as a welcome gift and to try and make her feel more at home. Mai wore it every day to show her gratitude and because she liked the scent. Hitsugaya on the other hand preferred her natural scent over the artificial smell of strawberry on her. Her natural sent was sweet mixed with hard work; it was a smell that Hitsugaya still can't figure out. The combination of the two was pleasant though. She herself had told Hitsugaya that 'You want to be able to smell the body spray or perfume, but you also want to keep your natural scent while finding the perfect balance of both.' Hitsugaya hadn't said anything back to her, but he now wishes he could of told her that she had been so right.

"I have to see her just one more time." Hitsugayay turns around and begins to run as fast as his legs would carry him to the squad twelve barracks. Even if the visit was for a couple of seconds he wanted to see her just once before he never got the chance to again. Mai didn't belong to him until seven so Hitsugaya only had three more minute tell she was no longer a member of his squad.

"Let me in," Hitsugaya demanded as he appeared in front of the gate that led into the squad twelve.

"What do you want?" Captain Kurotsuchi asked over the microphone.

"I want to see Mai," Hitsugaya stated simply.

"No."

"It's not seven so she is still on my squad."

"She came to me at six o-seven in the morning and we are in the middle of something so go away." The intercom ended with that and if Mayuri said that something wasn't going to happen then Hitsugaya wasn't going to be allowed to go in to see Mai.

Mai's POV (An hour before)

I walked up to the squad twelve barracks an hour before seven. The main part of it looked just like the rest of the barracks, but behind it was an enormous lab. The lab didn't look very nice or friendly, it actually looked quite scary in all honesty. I press the button anyways, sucking it up and moving forward.

"Yes what is it," I hear someone snap on the other end of the intercom.

"It's Mai Fan. I was-"

"I know who you are," the man snaps on the other side. "Come in and don't touch anything."

I could see why everyone was scared of him. Not only the things that he did to people were scary, but he had a bad attitude to go with it. His entry way to his lab was decoder with body parts and organs. I didn't recognize half of the things he had to go with the organs and bodies, but they were creepy enough. As if to add to the fact that my new home was creepy there was almost no light to see where I'm going.

I tried to think of a way to make this better for myself, something that could brighten the mood. Nothing really came to mind, but I kept holding on the hope that maybe I would make a friend and have someone to talk to. It would make the transition and loss easier, but not take away the pain. Making a friend here would just give me someone to talk to and keep me spending too much time with my thoughts.

"It took you long enough." My new captain complains just as I walk through the door to his main lab section. I hadn't even stepped into the room before he made the comment. It wasn't like I had directions on how to get around in this place. I had never been here or given a map to know my way around.

"I'm sorry Captain Kurotsuchi," I say bowing deeply to my captain.

His face was painted in black and white and had orange eyes that seemed to analyze everything. His teeth were yellow as if he had extreme smoking problems and never brushed his teeth. His long blue hair was held up by some yellow face mask that followed his jaw line and forehead. He had some weird Purple thing around his neck as well. He wore the captain cloak which was the only thing normal about him.

His lieutenant looked more normal fortuity which eased me in my worry. From the way the captain looked I was beginning to fear that my life was in the hand of a complete maniac and that I would be his next test dummy. The lieutenant looked normal so I felt safer knowing that she hadn't been tested on, unlike the captain who had to have preformed experiments on himself. She had green-ish blue eyes and purple hair pulled back in a braid with two pieces of her hair falling in her face. She had added a red chocker as she only decoration to her outfit. Nothing weird about what she looked like and it conferred me.

"Let's just get on with this. As it is you have wasted more than enough of my time."

"Yes Captain Kurotsuchi," I say but unsure what he wants me to do.

"Go put your stuff away! What do you think we have all day for this!" he yells and I nod my head.

"I'm sorry Captain Kurotsuchi, but you haven't told me where my room is." I try to keep my voice polite, but it's hard. He was being so rude and mean to me. He was yelling at me whern I haven' done anything wrong because he hasn't told me where my room is or how to get there. I don't know where everything is around here and the longer I was here the more I began to miss Hitsugaya and the people in his squad. Hitsugaya was always so nice to mean. He didn't yell at me for not knowing what to do. Hitsugaya spoke in a calm voice towards me. Even Haru was better than putting up with him.

"Huh," he says huffing a sigh. "Do I have to explain everything to you? That is your bedroom," he tells me pointing to a cage that is smaller than my bed in my old room in squad ten barracks. It had to be smaller than I am and I'm only 4'2".

"That's a cage Captain Kurotsuchi." I say trying to tell myself that he wasn't being serious and that this was only some cruel joke. There was no way that he would really put me in a cage like I was some sort of pet. I was a living being; didn't that earn me any ground with him?

"Yes I know that," he sigh aggravated by me telling him what he already knew.

"You don't really expect me to live in that do you?" I ask him begging that he wasn't serious about me living in that cage.

"Why would I be joking?" He was serious. He truly expected me to live in that cage. It wasn't some cruel joke, he really expected me to live in some cage smaller than me.

I nod my head.

With everything in my cage, Zanpakutō and body spray, put next to were my head went in the cage I barely had enough room to lay down with my knees curled into my chest. I wasn't provided a blanket or pillow for sleeping. My pillow from now on is my arm and my blanket is whatever I'm wearing.

"What is this?" my captain asked as he picked up the body spray Matsumoto had given me after I first joined the Hitsugaya's squad.

"It's body spray," I say simply.

"And why do you have it?"

"Matsumoto gave it to me as a gift."

"Well it's trash now," he says walking over to the garbage can and throwing it away.

"No, that was a gift! Why can't I have it?" I ask.

"Because silly things like body spray and gifts will just get in my way."

"But it isn't yours it belongs to me and I do not belong to you so you can't dictate what I can and can't have!"

"You may have gotten away with things like that with that snot noised brat, but you will not get away with it here. You are nothing more than a test subject for me and test subjects do not talk back."

"But I'm not a test subject! I have feelings and rights! If you do not treat me with respect then I will report you to Head Captain Yamamoto and have me removed as my captain!" I wasn't going to let him o this to me. He may be assigned as my captain, but that didn't mean that he wasn't replaceable. If they could rip me away from Hitsugaya then why can't they just replace this guy?

"Nemu," he calls to his lieutenant.

"Yes Captain Kurotsuchi," she says sounding unusually obediently and lacking a personality and will of her own. She can towards me and her arm was replaced with a drill, but it was still her hand oddly enough.

"What are you going to do to me?" I ask panicking.

"If you won't listen to me while you're alive then I'll just kill you and perform experiments on your dead body." It didn't seem to bother him at all if I was dead or alive. To him it seemed to just mater that he got to perform experiments on me.

"But don't you already have information on my kind?" I ask the panic still high in my voice.

"No not very much and that is due to the lack of your kind. Almost all Aquariuses in the world are half breads. There has not been a full blood in over a thousand years."

"Then how could I be full a blood if my parents weren't a full bread?"

"For some reason you just need a two fourth or two halves to make a full blood Aquarius. If you wanted you could even take a fourth and a half and make a full blood, but anything lower than a fourth in the combination and they become another mix, another useless mutt." The information didn't make any sense to me. How was a fourth or a half able to make a whole? Two fourths should make another fourth because half the gene of the mother and half the gene from the father would make another fourth not a whole. That was one of the basics during science class. If my parents hadn't been full bloods themselves then how am I supposed to be a full blood Aquarius, even with what this psychotic scientist says because I don't believe what he says.

"I… if I just let you perform the experiments can you promise you won't kill me?" I ask skittish by how close Nemu was getting to me.

"Fine," he sighs. "I promise I won't kill you."

"Thank you," I say releasing a breath as Nemu, the not so normal lieutenant, stops threatening me with her spinning drill hand.

"Now Nemu let Mai out of her cage and take her to the main room," he orders as he turns his back to us and leaves the room.

"Yes Captain Kurotsuchi," she says then turns to me and unlocks the cage.

"You're not a real Shinigami," I ask as she grabbed me by my arm and pulled me out of my cage.

"No, Captain Kurotsuchi has specially constructed me to serve him in all his purposes." I nod my head thinking to myself of course he has.

"Let's go Captain Kurotsuchi hates to wait." I walk with Nemu, allowing her to drag me. It wasn't like I had a say in this matter and from the look of how things have gone so far what I say or do doesn't matter because Captain Kurotsuchi will get his way one way or another and he doesn't care if I'm dead or alive. I just need to find a way to live long enough to get myself off this squad.

Sorry kind of a boring one, but I'm just setting it up for the true horror of her stay on squad 12.


	17. Day two of Hell

I'm so sorry this chapter took so long I just can't get it to sound to my liking~ Trisana

Dragged by my arm my new lieutenant I'm being brought into a bigger lab area. Compared to the rest of the lab I'm now certain that this has to be the scariest so far. The place seemed to be darker than the rest of the over sized lab and the only source of light is the computer monitor that made up the farthest wall. Tubes that contained a light blue liquid reached all the way up to the ceiling. The shelves held more random tubes and containers containing of parts of god only knowing what like when I walked into this lab. While the room to most people wouldn't look all that scary to most people walking into this room but just creepy.

I look at ever thing in the room and I find myself thinking of me being trapped into one of those tubes or a part of me floating in a jar. The longer I was in this room the more that fear began to take me. The room was so creepy and I couldn't tell what my new captain had in store for me. He seemed to enjoy collecting parts of random species and he said so that I was rare. If I wasn't careful I could end up being his next wall ordainment

"About time you two get here! Do you like to keep me waiting?" Captain Kurotsuchi snaps at the sight of me.

"My apologize Captain Kurotsuchi," his lieutenant says as she releases me and bows.

"Never mind that. Now stay still so I can hook these up to your nervous system." I look at my captain wondering just how much of his sanity, if any, he has left. I've always hated needles and while I don't admit to anyone I'm deathly afraid of them. The needles on each one of the things he was planning on sticking in me had at least two good inches to them.

"Do you have any other way to monitor my nervous system?" I cover up my fear as I ask the question, but I think that he may be able to notice that I don't like needles because a wide creepy smile spreads across his face.

"No I don't, now sit down and shut up so I can begin," he says as he motions to Nemu. Nemu comes up behind me and grabs me by my hair and pills my arms behind me.

I bite back my scream of pain. Nemu didn't care that she was ripping out some of my hair and that her grip was too tight, she didn't care at all. She was just like her captain; she only wanted to get this done so he could get his research. She didn't care the means it took to get the result or who she had to trample over to get them, a result was a result and it made her captain happy. She didn't care that it now took one of her own squad members pain as she held me and her captain began to gab the needles into me so that he could monitor my nerve system. The pain of ever needle being stuck into me made me want to scream out in pain and brought me close to crying from the pain alone. Captain Kurotsuchi didn't go gentle he just jabbed the needles in, normally at nerve clusters that caused it to become more painful.

_He's not my captain, he's my torturer. Hitsugaya is my captain and friend, I will never accept this man as my captain._ With hatred I look up at Captain Kurotsuchi as he continues to jab the needles into me. _I won't give into him. I won't let him keep me here forever. I _will_ see my captain again and I _will_ not show weakness to this monster._

"Oh I love seeing that look in my test subjects," Captain Kurotsuchi chuckles as he pushes another needle in and I don't bother to even flinch. "I love it even more when I break the subject of that look."

"You're sick," I tell him as I spit in his face.

"Test subjects don't talk back," he yells as his hand raises and comes down on my face.

"I'm not a test subject! I'm still alive and have a world and a life back with the living where more than just a few highly spiritual sensitive people can see me and hear me." My voice was shaky after yelling so loud and I know that I shouldn't act out on anger, I'm so against it that it pisses me off even more that he was bringing me to the point that I do act out in anger. I could stand to not act out though. That monster in front of me was pushing me to a point that no one has been able to do in over eight years, a part of me that I hated and was scared of.

"Just show me what that snot noised brat has taught you." I had struck a never with him, it was clear by the way he turned his back to me and walked to his computer to begin the test.

It took me a bit before I felt that I could go through with this. While my actions had been fueled by anger I wouldn't let my powers be fuelled by that hatred. I made a promise to myself and silently to Hitsugaya that my powers will not be fuelled by anger or hate. I fight my battles of any kind with drawn of emotion, I fight with a blank mask and as I know I'm going to win the smirk can't help but show. I'm death's angel and I do not fight off or anger.

"Are you going to begin," Captain Kurotsuchi snaps at me.

"Yes," I tell him calmly as my eyes fly open and my mask is on. My face and eyes completely devoid of emotion and an empty shell fills me inside and out. I was now a soulless and nothing but an empty shell as I went through the motions of everything that Hitsugaya had taught me. I showed the basics and the harder moves; such as ice dragons, making water out of thin air, ice pillars, and combining water/ice movies with my sword/hand to hand combat.

"The snot noise brat hasn't taught you anything useful," Captain Kurotsuchi snaps highly annoyed by my lack of skills in his eyes. For any captain this would be quite a lot to have learned in a little over three weeks. I have learned over thirty moves and that was with my water abilities alone, I have learned how to always hit accurately with any of my moves, sharpened my swordsmanship, and improved in hand to hand combat. Hitsugaya has improved my abilities greatly, this monster was just too blind to see it and would never admit it if he did see it. He was self absorbed. A bigger narcissus than Naru from Ghost Hunt.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I wasn't going to let him insult Hitsugaya, not in front of me and behind his back. I know that what I'm about to do I haven't done successfully, but I've come so very close before and this time it wasn't going to be done to get it done. I was going to do it to shut the monster up and show him that Hitsugaya isn't useless, that he has taught me things that could even impress him.

The first thing that comes into my mind was the look of the wings that I had formed for Hitsugaya and how happy both of us were. I pictured the way that I gotten Hitsugaya's strong barrier of ice to melt around him and got him to laugh and smile with me. I remember the way we had both had been so happy during that. Then I remember what the armor had looked like when I had formed them, but instead of that angry feeling that had filled me I feel happy, sad, and lonely.

"What were you thinking about just now?"

"It's nothing," I tell Captain Kurotsuchi as I open my eyes. I could see the armor and the wings, they were there and I should be happy, but I wasn't. I got the result that I seek, but with the wrong person standing in front of me and in the wrong place. This moment is when Hitsugaya and I should be happy and celebrating that I got it. This moment is something Hitsugaya were supposed to share because he's my captain I'm his student.

"Looks like you know something useful," Captain Kurotsuchi says looking over what I've just done, but instead of letting him admire it I dismiss the transformation.

"What are you doing? Bring it back! You finally show me something worth looking at and you don't even let me see it!"

"No," I tell him as I look directly into his golden beady eyes.

"I said bring it back!" His hand rises again and I wait for him to hit, just like he had last time, but instead of hitting me he grabs me by my hair and pulls me up close to his face with his sword to my neck. It was in its released Shikai form.

"You're not my captain; I don't have to listen to you." My voice was steady and unwavering. I didn't care what he does to me. I still have a life after this and once he killed me I could come back here, the proper way, and as long as I don't end up on his squad life will be good and even better if I'm on squad ten again.

"The captains put you on my squad and you are nothing more than a test subject! Now start acting like it or I'll kill you and just continue to experiment!"

"That's better than staying here because then I can live my life in the afterlife," I tell him as I look up at him with a light smile. "You would be killing me just to give me a new life. It doesn't sound like too much of a bad deal as long as I don't have to deal with you."

"You're worse than that snot noised brat," he shouts as he stabs me in the gut.

"Thank you, it's better than being like you," I tell him as I double over and begin to cough blood all over him. This only seemed to anger him more as he brings his leg up and begins to knee me in the gut.

"The poison will serve to kill you soon," he says walking away from me.

"Did I tell you? No poison ever seems to work on me. It might have something to do with being Aquarius."

"What difference will it make, you'll pass out soon just from your blood lose because those needles weren't only meant to monitor your nerves they also drain blood for blood tests. Either way you'll probably end up dead."

"Go to hell." I glare at the monster that just laughed at my words and watched me begin to fall as my vision blurred. I could tell that he was beginning to tell Nemu something, but I couldn't hear him. My body felt like dead weight and even as I collapsed to the ground I refused to give into him. I wouldn't show weakness, that's what I promised myself. I needed to get back up and continue to fight through this battle, but my body wouldn't listen to me. The only thing I could do before passing out was watch Nemu pick me up and hair suddenly falling around me. They had cut my hair.

(Hitsugaya's POV)

Hitsugaya traveled along the roof tops of the squad twelve barracks in the cover of the dark night sky. He knew that what he was doing was highly illegal and could get him in more trouble than he could ever hope to get himself out of, but he could shake the feeling that Mai was in trouble. Something was telling him that Mai wasn't alright, that she was in trouble and from the start he didn't trust Captain Kurotsuchi with Mai. Leaving those two together was the worst thing he could have done, but he didn't have a choice because she wasn't assigned to him anymore.

"She better not be harmed," Hitsugaya mutter's under his breath as he hops on top of the squad 12 main lab.

Again and again Hitsugaya asks himself why he is doing this. Mai wasn't on his squad anymore, he no longer had any say on what is to be done to her, and he wasn't supposed to have any feelings for her. They had both claimed that they had strictly a Captain subordinate relationship, but coming here tonight will show otherwise. He wanted to make himself believe that the reason he was coming was because he wanted to make sure she was alright, and that's true but it's not the full truth behind him coming here tonight.

It was easy for the captain to enter the labs and get by all the security. The squad wasn't meant for battle and with Hitsugaya being at a captain level he almost never needed to pull out his sword to knock out the squads. The down side to the plan that Hitsugaya hadn't thought of was that he didn't know where Mai's rooms were, but he heard some of the squad members talking of feeling sorry for a new girl because she was sleeping in a cage in the main labs. It told Hitsugaya where she was, but only served to anger him and make his actions even more un-rash then they were to begin with.

Hitsugaya enters the room that the two guards that he just took out were guarding, but as he looks around the room he almost wishes he hadn't and that instead he had gotten here soon. Mai was locked into a cage, just as he had been told, but Mai looked as if she may not even be alive. She laid in cage with clothes that didn't even cover her anymore because of how tattered and torn they had become. A thin layer of blood as well covered most of her body, but there was nothing to keep the cold out or for her to rest her head on. Her skin was paler then it usually was because of blood lost. Hitsugaya could see all of this just from the doorway and he hadn't even walked into the room yet.

"Mai," Hitsugaya says but it barely comes out as a whisper as he runs over to Mai. Hitsugaya kneels down beside Mai's cage and rips the lock off of the cage before flinging it open and pulling Mai into his lap. He could see the hole in her stomach from what, he can only assume, is from Captain Kurotsuchi. She was covered in some puncher wounds. Her hair had been cut so very short, but somehow she was holding onto her ribbon that she wears in her hair. With only the faintest of a heart beat did Hitsugaya know that she was still alive.


	18. FWB, but not really

I could see light, but I know that my eyes are closed and I know I'm not dead. I can feel the soft fabric under my finger tips and I can smell, ever so faintly, the scent of old worn leather books and mint. Hitsugaya's scent meant that Hitsugaya is here.

Suddenly I feeling of safety and happiness wash over me. Hitsugaya was here which meant that I can see him again and I'm safe. Just the thought of seeing him again causes my throat to close up and tears threaten to come out. I haven't even opened my eyes yet to see him and I can feel my stomach flutter. Could he really have this effect on me? It's been about a day since I've seen him, but it's seemed like forever after that hell.

I open my eyes and see the bright become blinded by light.

"Mhm," I complain turning my head away from the light.

"Mai," I hear Hitsugaya say his voice sounding a bit frantic to my ears.

"Hitsugaya," I say opening my eyes before tackling him to the ground in a hug.

"Mai, are you alright?" His voice really did hold franticness to it. It hadn't just been my imagination. He was truly worried which causes me to wonder just how many more experiments had my torturer preformed on me after I passed out. Did I really look that bad off to the point I cause him to worry?

"I'm safe now," I tell him as I relax against him. I know that with Hitsugaya I'm safe and that I can be happy. He's such a good guy and he cares so much about. He's been there for me every time I need him. The man and woman that night when Hitsugaya rushed after me to make sure I was alright after finding out about Haru had spoken the truth. They were right, what had I been doing with Haru when I have a guy like Hitsugaya.

"He won't hurt you again," Hitsugaya promises as he wraps his arms around me and holds me close to him.

"I know," I say exhaling slowly before inhaling a deep scent old leather books and mint. Hitsugaya is here again, that's all that I care about, until I remember that I'm till art of that monster's squad. Hitsugaya's here but I'm not free to go back to my home with him. I'm not free to return back to the squad ten barracks yet.

"I'm still on his squad," I say slowly moving away from Hitsugaya in horror. My nightmare wasn't over and this happiness can't stay forever. I'm still stuck in the nightmare that won't come to an end.

I look at Hitsugaya's face, so calm and collected except for the concern he held towards me. He can see it, I can tell by the way his hand slowly, hesitantly comes up to my face. I'm ready to cry again. I was losing Hitsugaya again after just getting him back. I get to see him for just a bit before my torturer comes through the doors and grabs me by my hair to drag me away for Hitsugaya.

"I don't want to go again," I say letting the tears fall while Hitsugaya's thumb rubs my cheeks and I turn my head in towards his hand.

"I was able to get you back on my squad," Hitsugaya says looking at me with usually cold distant eyes that held hope in them. His words and hope brought light to my eyes.

"Really," I ask my tears still flowing down my cheeks. They weren't tears of pain or sadness, but joy now. I do get to stay with Hitsugaya. I'm not going to lose him again and I can still train and be with him. I can stay with Hitsugaya until the sad day that I'm forced to go back.

"I don't want to loos you again," I say rapping my arms around him and kissing him on the lips.

"I'm-" I say taking a sharp intake of breath and pulling back away from Hitsugaya with a look of horrification on my face. I hadn't meant to do that. I had thought about kissing him from time to time but I always told myself that it was inappropriate for me to think like that. I never thought about actually going through with it and with Hitsugaya's face so quickly changing from a look of shock to a smile I don't know what to do.

_No, no, no. Hitsugaya's my _captain_ for god sake. I'm not supposed to do this and he isn't supposed to like it. I'm not supposed to cry for being taken from him. I'm not supposed to like my captain, but… Hitsugaya makes me so happy and he makes me feel safe. The thought of losing him makes me feel shattered. I felt as if I was losing my sister all over again when I thought about losing Hitsugaya to go to another squad. I didn't even have someone to help ease the pain and be there for me. As I cried that night I wanted Hitsugaya to be there for me like he was when my sister died. I wanted Hitsugaya to wrap his arms around me and ease the pain. I can't have him though, but I want him_

"I," I say starting again as I looked down at Hitsugaya who was looking at me with the same mixed thoughtful look I hold. He just seems more confident than me when his eyes refocused and he brought his lips down on mine.

For an instant I fight the overwhelming feeling that spread through me. The bubbling feeling that seems to burst inside my stomach and the beat of my heart as it picks up. _When something feels so right, is it wrong to give in to it?_ My answer, no.

I sink in and let the feeling of warmth and comfort take over as my eyes close. My body has a mind of its own. I relax and let him wrap his arms around me while his lips kiss mine. Each kiss' slow and deep and each kiss just as sweet as the one before it and the one before that. He's so gentle and careful.

"You're my captain," I tell him after pulling away and laying my head on his chest. His heart is beating as fast as mine and his chest is just as firm as the day I fell asleep beside him.

"And you're my subordinate," he says running his fingers through my much shorter hair. My hair had been cut into a pixy style and was now too short to put up.

"I can't… It's not… You're my captain." I wanted it. I wanted it so bad, but I'm not allowed to date my captain.

"I know," Hitsugaya says facing the same problem as me. We both wanted this. We both wanted each other, but as long as we are captain and subordinate we're not allowed to date each other.

"I would never… but what if we were… friends with benefits." It was bold. It was stupid, but we could have each other and still not break the rules. "We don't have to sleep with each other, but then we could still be together without really being together." Hitsugaya's thinking about. I'm sure he can see what I'm thinking about, but he was also trying to find another way for this to work out without having to be friends with benefits or break the rules.

"You don't have to do anything," Hitsugaya says trying to reassure me that we don't have to have sex while still using the title friends with benefits.

"I know," I tell him sinking in to the feeling of being with Hitsugaya.

AN: I know it's short for me but I want to leave it with this sweet moment and the peace before I make things hard on our pour newly friends with benefits.


	19. The Replacements

"Aww aren't they just the cutest, Momo?" It was Matsumoto's voice that pulled me out of my sleep slowly. Before her voice the last thing I can remember is Hitsugaya and I lying on the ground with me on top of him and his arms wrapped around me. After I made my suggestion for us to be friends with benefits neither one of us bothered to get up or move. I was still too tired and a bit weak to get up and Hitsugaya was comfortable with his arms wrapped around me, so neither one of us made an attempt to move from where we lied.

"So she's the girl that Shiro-Chan is in love with?" It was an unfamiliar voice with an unfamiliar name. Judging by the way she called Hitsugaya Shiro-Chan she must be close to him, but from the way Hitsugaya tenses slightly I'm guessing he doesn't care for the name too much.

I chuckle to myself lightly before opening my eyes and looking up towards Hitsugaya. His head was above mine now as my head rested on his chest.

"Whitey-Chan, that's kind of cute." To Hitsugaya's dismay I'm smiling lightly. The nickname made sense since his hair is so white, but what I really found cute was the way he didn't care for the name but let the girl, Momo, call him it.

"You must care for her very much if you let her call you that."

"It's unimportant," Hitsugaya mutters looking off to the side with a cute look of distain as he pouted.

"Hello, I'm Hinamori Momo." Her smile is so kind and welcoming, but there is a clear sign of distress behind it. This girl is facing a heartbreak and inner turmoil. She's not the best at hiding it, but she's clearly had practice meaning she's been in this state for quite some time now. Judging by the way she's so kind and open, she must also be very naïve. For this amount of damage though, it was defiantly someone extremely close to her.

"Fan, Mai," I say sitting up so that I can out stretch out my hand and shake hers.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard quite a bit from Matsumoto and Shiro-Chan." She smiles a brilliant smile.

**She's too good at hiding the pain.**

"I wish I could say the same, but I'm always practicing and don't have very much time to socialize. It is a pleasure to meet you and I hope we can become great friends." I mean every word that I say. I want to help her through pain and make her smile from the heart again. I know it won't be easy, but I can tell that she's still a very kind caring girl who wants to love and protect those that she cares about.

"I hope so too. You seem very nice."

"Oh, Captain, Head Captain Yamamoto said that you need to get all of the paperwork done. He had let it slide while Mai was unconscious, but now that she's up you need to get it done." Matsumoto hadn't acted exactly as I expected. Normally I would expect her to glomp me and squeal about how happy she is that I'm ok and then tell me just how worried she was. I hadn't expected her to just sit back and watch as I introduce myself to a new person. With Matsumoto I expect her to _introduce _me. Yet Matsumoto did neither of what was to be expected of her.

"Thank you Matsumoto." Hitsugaya sits up straight before standing up to leave the room.

"Would you like some help," I offer slowly standing up myself.

"You need to eat something before you can help me." I nod my head in agreement with his terms. He turns his back to me and leaves the room.

"Oh my god, Mai!" The squeal that I have been expecting was finally released as Matsumoto tackled me into a hug.

"You two are finally dating, aren't you?" The words spill out in a fiery blur that I can barely comprehend.

"No," I say saddening the happiness I had felt. I know I can't date Hitsugaya, but I want nothing more than to be with him. I can't say exactly what it is about him because it's not simply one thing that draws me to him. I know one thing for certain; I don't want him simply because I can't have him. Hitsugaya is just different from the others.

"But you… and him…" Matsumoto can't wrap her mind around this fact. I can't blame her. If I had walked into a scene such as the one she had I would assume that the two would be dating as well.

"I was glad to see him after what had happened with Captain Kurotsuchi and tackled him in a hug. Not too long afterwards I fell asleep. It was innocent and nothing happened." I know that it wasn't the complete truth and I feel as if I might be betraying her, but I feel that until Hitsugaya and I have everything worked out maybe it would be best to not tell Matsumoto yet. Matsumoto could let something slip and if the wrong person finds out Hitsugaya could get into a lot of trouble. For now it's best to just keep whatever is going on between Hitsugaya and me.

"You two would make such a cute couple. I wish you two would just go out already."

"I think Matsumoto-Chan is right Fan-San."

"You can just call me Mai Momo-Chan. Besides you are my superior. I don't have a rank among the Gotei 13." I offer Momo a soft sweet smile in an attempt to come of gentle. Momo is so fragile and I don't want to hurt her in any way. She's someone that you have to be gentle with.

"Oh, ok, Mai-San." I smile slightly at how she was so distorted by not using my last name. It was kind of cute the way she was so sweet and innocent. It's hard to believe that she is a lieutenant of the Gotei 13. It's hard to tell if she was a different person as she fought or if she's always like this.

"I hate to leave so soon, but I really should be getting something to eat. Hitsugaya is going to need all the help he can get if he's going to catch up on… How many days had I been unconscious?"

"About two weeks Mai," Matsumoto answers.

"Two weeks, then who was running the squad? Hitsugaya wasn't here the whole time was he?" I don't want Hitsugaya to abandon his responsibilities. It would be stupid for him to throw away his responsibilities because I was hurt. He could get in trouble or maybe even fired if he abandoned his work. I can't let Hitsugaya get in trouble because I was injured. It's the last thing I want for him.

"He never left your side Mai and if he let the others they wouldn't have either. Dan, Jeff, Jessica, the whole squad practically wanted to stay and wait for you. You've made a lot of friends who care about you Mai."

"I didn't mean to worry any of them," I admit feeling horrible for hurting them. I look down at the ground with sad eyes. They were all so worried about me.

"It's not your fault. You were ordered off the squad for a bit and besides it's Captain Kurotsuchi fault for hurting you. I hope the Captains give him the punishment he disserves!"

"He was trying to develop more information on my type, there's not much the Captains can do and because of Hitsugaya showing that he cares about me in some form they probably won't have him vote on what is going to happen to him any ways."

"Oh, I'm sorry I had used the wrong word. It's not the captains that will be deciding Captain Kurotsuchi punishment, but the Central 46."

"What is that?" I ask hiding my confusion. From everything that I've gathered here in my stay of 22 days- no I had been out for two weeks making it 36 days that I've been here! I've been in this world for one month and five days. That would make today February 10 and only two more weeks to my birthday. So much time has passed and it's seemed as if I've been here longer than a month. Everything that's happened and almost every day hold something in store for me, whether it's good or bad is debatable but there is always something.

"Central 46 is a group of once Shinigami who have been promoted into the Central 46. They pretty much run the Soul Society under the control of the Sprit King." Matsumoto explained suddenly pulling my attention back away from how long I've been in the Soul Society.

"Who is the Spirit King?" There really is so much about this place that I didn't know. I had thought that I knew or at least had a basic understanding of this place, but in reality I know so very little about this world.

"Well know one really knows who he is come to think of it." Matsumoto held a thoughtful look on her face as if this might truly be the first time that she's realized this.

"If the Spirit King rules Central 46 who is in charge of all Shinigami than Shinigami are nothing more than a military force dressed up as the government for all of the spirit world dwellers. While for the most part Shinigami runs the show they are nothing more than a military force." It's a breakthrough for me to realize this about the Soul Society, but it's a bit funny when someone sits down to think of it. All along it seems as if Head Captain Yamamoto runs the show with a slight discretion of the other captains but he isn't all powerful as he seems. He is, most likely, the most powerful in strength and capability but he isn't really the head of power. It's all one big show, really.

"Uhh, I'm not completely following your train of thought," Matsumoto admits with a lost look on her face.

"It's alright Matsumoto. I really need to get going. I'll see you later Matsumoto and I hope to see you again sometime soon Momo-Chan." I quickly wave goodbye to my friends before dashing off to the squad ten barracks.

"Mai!" It was a group of voices in chorus the moment I step into the cafeteria. No one had seen me before this because it's time for everyone to eat and since I entered the back way into the squad ten barracks no one saw me enter.

"Hi," I say a bit unnerved but not showing it as a rush of bodies run up to me. In every direction questions were shouted at me overwhelmingly.

"Oh my god Mai!"

"Are you alright?"

"How do you feel?"

"We were so worried how are you?"

"What did that horrible man do to you?"

"Did he do anything to you?"

"Are you sure you should be up and about?"

"How are your injuries?" All the questions being shouted in every which direct. I can't even keep up with most of what's being said, let alone who is saying what. I can't answer the questions and most of them are just repeats or the same question just worded in a different way.

"Alright enough guys!"

"Mai just got out of squad four let her be!"

"If you have any questions for Mai they can wait tell after she at least eats! Let her be!" Slowly the crowd begins to disports the two slight houses stay blocking the crowd from me.

"Hello Mai," a calm low voice says sounding completely different the first time the voice had spoke. "I'm so very glad to see that you're doing better." Those sad, kind eyes that I've grown so familiar with hold a crinkling kindness in the corner of his green eyes. His eyes as always are sad, but there is a sort warmth in them that reached his lips ever so slightly.

"Thank you Dan," I say giving him a slight smile as well.

"You look a whole lot better than when I first went to see you," Jeff says giving me his famous lopsided smirk before he leans in and gives me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Thank you guys for getting rid of the crowd."

"It's fine, but what I really want to know is the hell you're doing up and about. Last I knew you were supposed to be bed ridded for at least one more week after you wake up and under close surveillance of Captain Unohana." The playfulness in Jeff's voice dropped the moment he said hell. He was pissed with me for being here. He's glad to know that I'm better and that I'm fine, but he wasn't happy that I wasn't resting. In Jeff's eyes I'm probably sneaking out of my bed and being stupid and reckless. To an extent if what he says is true, which he is considering how serious he is; I am to an extent unknowingly.

"I came to eat my dinner then go help out Hitsugaya with all of his paperwork. I haven't heard anything about being bed rested and Hitsugaya had no probable with me helping him as long as I eat."

"Hm," Jeff says thoughtfully. This is one of the few times I get to see Jeff be serious about something and in a way it reminds me of Matsumoto. They both are almost never very serious, but the moment a situation calls for it they are as serious as anyone I know.

**Maybe I could get those two together. They sure would make a cute couple.** (Me: for those that are GinXMat this is after all of the Aizen things so Gin is no longer in the picture because I myself am a GinXMat so I know the pain of after the Arrancars)

"Sit down I'll get you your dinner," Jeff says walking off to go stand in line for me.

"Come on Mai," Dan says softly as he motions for me to follow.

"I'm not going to sit down by Haru." I had tried to make amends of things between us, but Haru doesn't want to make amends. I blame Haru for the overall reason that I got sent to that offal place and ripped away from Hitsugaya. I admit that it's partly my fault for attacking him but if had just left well enough alone when he didn't want to patch things up than none of this would have come to this. Haru is the reason I was sent to my torturer, that my hair is now pixy short, that I had been tortured, that Hitsugaya had to risk his job to save me, and that I am now standing here feeling weak and pathetic. It's Haru's fault that I'm here this time not even feeling like myself and probably don't even look like myself.

"We don't sit by Haru anymore," Dan states causing me to look at him with refrained shock. Haru, Dan, and Jeff have been friends since the Academy why wouldn't they sit by him anymore! They were friends and seemed close. I couldn't really be the cause of this since they barely know me, and yet they seem to choose me over their old friend.

I turn my head to look at Haru's table. The girl I had caught Haru cheating on me with wasn't the girl beside him now. I hadn't gotten a good look at the girl since I had been so shocked, but I know for a fact that she didn't have bright fiery hair that bounced up and down. No, the girl had brown straight hair that falls over her sun kissed shoulders and a perfect manicured nails that trail along Hura's bared chest. This girl has pale skin in contrast to her red hair and bright welcoming green eyes. Haru has already moved on from the girl that night and me, but also his friends.

Dan has been replaced with a bad boy that looked similar to him. I don't know his name, which means that he's probably new to Hitsugaya's squad. His hair's base color is black and spikes in the back, but covers a good portion of his face. Mixed in with his black hair is the color white. Since he's facing me I can just barely make out red glaring, hateful eyes under his scowl and hair. From where I stand I can also see a lip piercing and I believe both of his ears are pierced two maybe three times.

Jeff's replacement had the same playfulness about him, but with a colder edge to him. This guy's edge was not in his looks like Dan's replacement, but just the way he holds himself as if he's better than everyone else and that everyone wants to get at him. He too must have been new to Hitsugaya's squad because I've never seen this guy before but in a way he reminded me of Jeff. His black hair is thrown off to his left side just like Jeff and he too had those gay eyes that I've only seen once. This guy had the clean, crisp, sharp cut that Jeff has along with a skinny muscular built. This guy, other than his hair color, looks almost exactly like Jeff.

The final boy that's new to the table didn't seem like the type of person Haru would like to hang out with. This little red head, red eyed boy seemed far too innocent. He had no edge to him and even his hair is short. I honestly can't see why this boy would hang around Haru. Only bad can come from it.

"Yuuto, Yoshirou, Ryuunosuke," Jeff says walking up behind me with my plate of food in his hand.

"Huh," I ask getting my attention pulled away from the new guys.

"You were looking at the replacements. Their names are Yuuto, Yoshirou, and Ryuunosuke. Each one of them live up to the meaning of their names as well. Yuuto, the red head, has many meanings but the one he goes by is gentleness person. In general he is, but when he's in battle he's a completely different person." Jeff looks at me to make sure that I'm listening and I nod my head to tell him to continue. "Ryuunosuke, Dan's replacement, name means dragon of forerunner. Yoshiro, my replacement, stands for righteous son. Not much is known about Yuuto, but Ryuunosuke apparently got in here because of his killing skills and grew up massacring anyone who stood in his way growing up. My replacement is full of himself and believes everyone should bow down to him simply because he comes from a big family and has had everything handed to him."

"They may look like you two but they are nothing like you. When did they join Hitsugaya's squad any ways?"

"A couple of days after Captain Hitsugaya saved you." I nod my head. It made sense now why I haven't seen them before.

"Why don't we go sit down I'm sure you're exhausted." It was Dan's way of saying that he wanted us to leave this topic be while using a logical reason to get us to drop it. I didn't mind, though, because I am exhausted.

"If you guys don't mind asking me asking, why did you guys leave Haru? I thought you had all been close."

"We had, but we had our issues with Haru," Dan explains and I nod my head.

"Not only that, but what Haru did to you wasn't alright. He's normally like that just not to the extent that he had with you." Jeff tells me, elaborating more than Dan had.

"Not only that Jeff. Something you have to understand with Haru is he loves his sex and normally he goes for girls that are already considered," Dan pauses here to search for the right word.

"Sluts," Jeff says bluntly.

"Well that's a bit cruel Jeff I would rather we use the term floozy. Floozy is a much nicer term."

"It's the same general term."

"No Slut means an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute. While Floozy means sexually promiscuous woman. It is a much better term."

"Please don't argue over something like this," I ask not wanting to listen to this any longer.

"The point is," Jeff says taking over for Dan and wrapping the topic up. "Haru hasn't dated a girl that would just easily give it up to him and he even has girls that he has girls that are only meant for that sort of things. Haru's never dating a girl that is respectable, kind, or that we actually liked before. We never agreed with what he's been doing to begin with and we hate what Haru did to you. When we went to him he said that he's going to ruin anything you care about because you still belong to him." I nod my head in understand and leave the subject like that.

~Ok so that's it for this one sorry it's been taking me so long to update, but I've started high school and I've been talking to my agent for a book that I'm in the process of writing to publish so that's been taking up a good portion of my time as well. Sorry again and I hope to start publishing more often now that I've gotten in the swing of things again.~


	20. Troubling nights

After finishing my dinner Jeff and Dan walk with me to Hitsugaya's office.

"Don't stay up to late helping Captain Hitsugaya, alright Mai," Dan says kindly to me before stepping away from me so that Jeff could say what he wanted to say to me.

"I want you in bed for twelve, got it? And don't you get up before sunrise or I'll pin you down and force you to go to sleep. Do you understand me?" Jeff seemed like how a real father acts as he talks to me like I'm his daughter that he's concerned for. As I look at his stern face I can't help but smile up at him.

"Yes Jeff," I reply happily.

"Good," Jeff says with a lighter tone as he gives me a hug and kisses me on the cheek.

"Bye guys," I say still smiling as I turn to open the door.

Walking into the room the first thing going through my mind is the amount of paperwork that has stacked up in this room. At least five stacks for every day of those two weeks had to be in this room and every stack came up to my waist. I know I'm not very tall, but I'm 4' 3" but the stacks had to be about 3 feet tall.

"You should have been working on all this paper work instead of waiting for me to wake up. You put your job on the line by ignoring you duty as a captain." I know it's not my place to lecture my _captain_, but that he needed to reminded that he had a job he needed to do and no matter how much I loved waking up to him being there at my bed side there were more important things that needed to be done. He couldn't put his job on the line for that. I would never stop blaming myself if he lost his job and I wouldn't be happy if he did all so he could be there when I woke up. It wasn't worth it.

"I had it cleared through Head Captain Yamamoto." Hitsugaya spoke from behind mountains of paperwork staked around his desk in a very calm collect voice. Hitsugaya was always very under control about his emotions so his calm collect tone can as no surprise to me.

"It's going to take us days to get this all taken care of," I sigh taking a seat in the chair next to his. Vigorously we worked together in mowing down these mountains of paperwork working by the light of the lamp on his desk and before long it was late at night.

"Mai you should just go to sleep. You're still recovering and it's late at night."

"No, we still have so much work to do." I protested shaking my head but it was so obvious that my body just couldn't take this. It was so weak, I was so weak. I was yawning and struggling to focus on the papers I was filling out and handing over to Hitsugaya to sign. I had to fight just to keep my eyes open.

"Mai," Hitsugaya says placing a hand in between my shoulder blades. "You need to sleep," He spoke softly and kindly as I looked at him with drooping eyes. He blurred in and out of focus before I felt my head hit his chest and my eyes close.

"You're so stubborn," I hear Hitsugaya mumble to himself with a slight chuckle before his arms slid up under me and pick me up.

"Mhm, Hitsugaya what are you doing," I ask sleepily as I open my eyes slightly and turn my head to look up at him.

"Just go back to sleep," Hitsugaya says kindly as he continues carrying me out of the room.

"But, what about the paperwork? It's not done yet." I turn my head towards the piles of paperwork that still aren't done yet. There was so much that still needed to be done and barely any that have been done. If someone was to come in they would barely be able to tell that we had spent over five hours in here.

"It's fine just go back to sleep." His voice was soft and comforting, but I could still tell that he meant it as a command. I try to fight the sleep for just a little longer as a thought accurse to me.

"Hitsugaya, where am I going to sleep? I'd rather not," I stop for a second hesitating to finish what I'm about to say. I know that I can tell Hitsugayay that a part of me is still deathly terrified after my short time with my torturer Captain Kurotsuchi, but I worried what I'm about to say is going to make me look childish and maybe even a little stupid in front of him. "I'm still sort of scared of being left alone." I spoke slowly partly because I was still worried, but mainly because of how tired I am.

"I won't leave your side," Hitsugaya reassures me. Smiling I nod my head and allow the sleep to take over me.

.::Dream::.

My head swirls around over and over again as the panic inside me thrums through my head my heart racing fast enough to kill me. I'm surrounded in darkness and though there's nothing to cause my fear I can sense a force of evil and darkness coming. My body moves on its own before I even tell it too run.

A light! I can see a light approaching up a head. Within the light I can see an image form and a slight house of a person about my height. It has to be Hitsugaya! I open my mouth and yell to call out Hitsugaya's name, but nothing comes out. Again I open my mouth and try to call out to him, but again nothing comes out. Worried I pick up my speed, rushing up to the light I can now make out some of Hitsugaya's features.

I smile at myself. The thought of even thinking something evil and bad out to get me seemed silly now that Hitsugaya was here. Hitsugaya only protected me and took the darkness away with his strong arms. Knowledge filled actions and words. His eyes always analyzing and assessing everything thrown at him. This was the safe ground I just need to get to the light and Hitsugaya.

A smile as big as can be spreads across my lips. I might not be able to call out to him, but he seems to be waiting for me. I reach out to wrap my arms around him as I glass container falls down from the sky and drops down between me and Hitsugaya. I look up at the sky to see a gigantic Captain Kurotsuchi towering over me. Flipping the cold glass container over I fall on my back to the bottom of the container as Captain Kurotsuchi spins the lid in place and locks me in a container.

.::Hitsugaya's POV::.

Hitsugaya looked at Mai with concern as she slept in his arms in cold sweat. There wasn't much for him to do He had tried telling her it was OK and waking her but she wouldn't stir. The only option he really had was to lie there with Mai as he stroked her temple with worry.

"Mai," Hitsugaya whispered with eyes and a voice so filled with worry it was heart shattering.

For the last two weeks Hitsugaya has sat by Mai's side and watch as she had these nightmares. Whenever it got too bad, like this, where Hitsugaya could sooth her Hitsugaya would pick her up and begin to stroke her temple. It would take a while but usually she would usually begin to settle and go back to a deep undisturbed sleep. After Hitsugaya was certain Mai wouldn't have any more nightmares for a while HItsugaya would set her back down in the bed and cover her up with the blanket and his her forehead.

.::Mai's POV::.

"No," I gasp shooting straight up in the bed.

"It's all right Mai," Hitsugaya says wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to him.

"Hitsugaya," I sigh in between deep gasping breaths.

"It's all right I'm right here," He sounded so certain and calm. Yet I on the hand was covered in cold sweat, hair sticking to my skull and clothes once loose on me now formed perfectly to my body. As disgusting as I looked I clung onto Hitsugaya as his arms stayed strongly wrapped around me not going anywhere.

AN: I just want to quickly apologize for not updating for so long I have been grounded from the computer and not allowed to update for months now. I am so sorry.


	21. With the best intentions

I roll over searching for a body of warmth, but as my still half asleep mind registers that nothing was there I jot awake startled. Where was HItsugaya? When I fell asleep he was still here holding me and calming me back down as I began to drift off again. Kurotsuchi didn't get him did he?

"Hitsugaya," I call as I look around my surroundings in the hopes of finding him. I was still in his bedroom and in his bed, but Hitsugaya wasn't any where to be seen. Panic was beginning to fill me as I began to seriously question if Kurotsuchi did get him.

"Maybe he got up early to work on the paperwork that we hadn't finished." I talk myself through my panic as I reason Hitsugaya's absent and tell myself Kurotsuchi did not get him. Still not quiet awake I begin to drag myself out of Hitsugaya's bed to head over to Hitsugaya's office to see if he was there.

"How do you feel," Hitsugaya asks entering the room and sliding the door closed behind him. He had a tray of breakfast in his hand that he sat in front of me as he takes a seat beside me.

"Well, thank you." I felt suddenly so very shy and sheepish with Hitsugaya next to me. I don't know why, though I'm relieved Kurotsuchi didn't get him.

"Sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, but you began to stir and I wanted to make sure you had your breakfast when you woke up."

"It's fine Hitsugaya and thank you that was very thoughtful of you." I look down at my food and suddenly I realized why I felt so shy and sheepish; I was still pretty sweaty from last night's nightmare.

"Um, Hitsugaya would you mind if I go change first?"

"No, go ahead Mai."

"Thank you," I say bowing before I dash off to my room and quickly get changed before dashing back to Hitsugaya's room.

I slow as I get in front of his door and walk in calmly. I make my way back to my spot from before and eat my meal in silences Hitsugaya lied back on his bed and seemed to drift off into thought.

"What are you think about," I ask as I lied back on the bed myself now finished with my breakfast.

"What are those nightmares you've been having lately? Did they start before you were with Captain Kurotsuchi or after? And why do you wake up screaming or would just scream and cry on my shoulder while you were still in the coma?" His voice was different. It held so much thought in it and it was so clear that Hitsugaya has been thinking about this for quiet sometime.

"They started after I was taken. The nightmares are about how I'm scared of the Captain and how I'm afraid to lose you. I'm crying or screaming because I'm scared, sad, or desperate if not a combination of all three."

"You never wake up. You're so absorbed that all that can be done is I sooth you." His voice still seemed so far off as he spoke.

"This isn't much I can do about that, but last night I did hear you calling out to me and telling me it was okay because you had me. In my dream I had been running to because I knew I'd be safe with you. I was intercepted by Kurotsuchi, though when I was almost there." Hitsugaya turns to look at me as I speak. He doesn't say or do anything at first and as I wait I begin to worry if I said something I shouldn't have. I had only answered his question.

"What exactly had he done to you?" Never before this had I heard Hitsugaya's voice have such a deadly coldness to it. If I didn't know better I'd say Hitsugaya was going to kill Kurotsuchi himself bare handed with the way his voice sounded. The look on his face only seemed to add to it as well. Normally Hitsugaya's very well controlled and doesn't show his anger with more than a bit of a twitch or his jaw clenched, but his eyes were narrowed with a look of hatred and blood lust as his jaw clenched tight. When he spoke his teeth were clenched together unmoved.

"It doesn't matter. It's over and done with and I'm staying with you so we don't have to worry anymore." I offer smile hating that look on him and not wanting to make it any worse by telling the full extent of everything that happened. I just wanted to put the whole thing behind us before he did act out on his anger and do something stupid.

"The Central 46 hasn't decided if you will be staying with me yet. When I last reported to them they had said that my actions weren't acceptable. They agreed that I was right to act on my feeling that something was wrong because of what had happened to you, but that I had no gone about it right. Central 46 is allowing you to stay with me because Head Captain Yamamoto believes that it's best for you until this is all taken care of."

"Bu-but you said I was on your squad!" The panic wasn't hard to hear in my voice as I sit straight up and look at him in disbelief.

_How could this be? I just got him back I don't want to leave him. I'd rather go back to my life in the living world and act like this was all just a dream then have to continue training in this world as if it doesn't bother me that Hitsugaya isn't hear and that I don't care about him. I can't lose him again._ Just looking at him as these thoughts race through my mind I can feel my eyes brimming with tears.

"I didn't want to tell you until I had to because I knew that it would hurt you. No one in the squad knows either. I thought this would be best for you since you're still recovering and Captain Unohana said that stress on your body or mind along with things that upset you would be bad for your recovery. So she agreed with my decision." I look at him and the only thing that i can think about it well what about what I think and what I want for myself I am my own person and can make decisions for myself.

"Did anyone stop to think about what I might want? I'd rather have to face the truth and deal with it than continue on merrily under false pretences and a fake reality."

"Mai-" Hitsugaya begins, but I cut him off before he gets a chance to finish.

"Work needs to be finished, personal matters can be dealt with later." It was a side of me Hitsugaya has never seen before because he's never seen me when I was dealing with business affairs and he's never pissed me off before.

I understand where they were coming from. They were only trying to do what they thought would be best for me, but that didn't give them the right to keep the truth from me. It already shows that by them keeping the truth from me they have hurt me more than if they were to just tell me the truth from the beginning.

.::Hitsugaya's POV::.

Throughout the whole day Mai didn't say a single thing to Hitsugaya. She made tea for the two of them and got lunch as they work quickly together to finish all of the paperwork, but she never once spoke to him. Mai refused to even say a word to him. A few times Hitsugaya would tell Mai that he never meant to upset her or that he was only trying to do what he had thought was best for her.

"Why must girls be so headstrong," Hitsugaya complains in his office after already carry Mai back to his room since she passed out again.

"Well have you tried apologizing, Captain?" Matsumoto offers as she walks into the office half drunk.

"You're drunk," Hitsugaya tells his lieutenant while watching her stumble her way over to him.

"That doesn't matter. If Mai is made you need to say the actual words I'm sorry, otherwise she just won't listen." Hitsugaya looks at his lieutenant in shock at the amount of sense she was making for a drunken person, but he had apologized. He hadn't said those exact words straight out but he apologized all the same. "Every time she has done something wrong she used those exact words so do the same."

_She was right. When Mai got lost and was late for the first day of training, when she walked to close behind me, when Matsumoto and her snuck out to spend a day together, and even when she worked herself to exhaustion and passed out she used the actual words I'm sorry every time. Matsumoto was right; I needed to use the actual words I'm sorry._

"Head to bed it's three o'clock in the morning." Hitsugaya tell Matsumoto as he stand up and head to his bedroom his self.

"Yes, Captain!"

With Matsumoto gone he turns and opens the door that connects the office and the Captain's bedroom. Softly he closes it behind him.

"Mhm?" Hitsugaya turns to look at Mai who is slowly sitting up and turns to look at him. Mai's eyes widen as she realizes she fell asleep.

"Before you say anything," Hitsugaya stops Mai from saying anything as her mouth opens to apologize for falling asleep on the job. "Just let me apologize properly this time, as you have every time before." Hitsugaya bows deeply to Mai, with his head down and doesn't even look at her as he speaks. "I am sorry Mai. While I had been looking out for your best interest, I still should have told you the full truth instead of keeping information from you. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be so formal with me. You are my boss I am not yours. I forgive you as well as long as you forgive me for falling asleep on the job again." Hitsugaya looks up at her with a smile.

"I forgive you."

"Would you join me in sleeping then? This bed is lonely without you to cuddle up next to."

"Of course."


	22. Can I sleep with you?

Hitsugaya and I are training today since we've finally got all of the paperwork caught up. It took us a couple of days, but we did it. For the most part we're sparing against each other with our swords, but we keep talking about random things and not focusing at times.

I laugh at Hitsugaya as I get him to stumble back and fall on his butt.

"Are you ok," I ask offering him a hand.

"Yes," he says yanking on my arm to pull me down with him, but in the corner of my eye I can see Haru pulling his sword out and coming up behind Hitsugaya. I use the momentum of Hitsugaya pulling on my arm and roll over him pulling out my sheathed sword and intercepting Haru's attack.

"Don't do it Haru or I will kill you before you get a chance to come close to Hitsugaya." I have my sword aimed at his throat with his sword now thrown to the other side of our training ground and into the river.

"What makes you think you can stop me," he asked with a dark voice as he summons his sword back into his hand and attacks me. I bring my sword up and block the attack then elbow him in the gut. I wasn't shy of playing dirty when it came to a person's life.

"You wench," he hisses at me as he holds his sword just a little tighter in one hand.

"Call me what you want, but you're not touching Hitsugaya." I look at Haru with a cold look when Hitsugaya touches my shoulder. I turn and look at him, taking my eyes off of Haru for a second.

"Mai," Hitsugaya says and I nod my head. I turn back towards Haru when I see his sword coming straight at Hitsugaya's heart. Out of pure reflex I push Hitsugaya out of the way and receiving Haru's blow in my shoulder and as I turn making the wound worse I stab Haru in the gut.

"Mai," Hitsugaya calls and I just smile at him pulling the sword out of my shoulder.

"Are you alright," I ask him and he stops for a moment.

"I'm fine, but you're hurt."

"I'll be fine," I tell him and look towards Haru. The wound was a little wider than just a normal stab wound and there was ice still surrounding the wound coming from my sword.

"Don't worry you'll be fine since you were protecting me from his attack," Hitsugaya reassures me as he wraps an arm around me.

"I didn't mean to kill him."

It was amazing how quickly the two of us went from laughing and having fun to suddenly having to go to his office and report me killing someone. Never before this had I killed someone. There were plenty of times where I have hurt and incapacitated a person, but before this I never killed a person.

"Mai, how's your wound," Hitsugaya asks as he slides the shoulder of my shirt down to reveal it.

"I'll be fine; I've already healed it up most of the way with a technique Unohana taught me. It just looks bad from the dry blood." Hitsugaya looks at it for a bit then turns and grabs a rag and filled a bowl with some water.

When he comes back he dips the rag into the water and gently begins to wash away dry blood. When he was finished all that's left of the wound was a small minor wound that wasn't even bleeding any more. I turn and look at Hitsugaya and he turns and looks at me.

"See you worry too much I can take god care of myself," I tell him then lay a soft kiss on his lips. As I pull away a death butterfly messenger flies in. Hitsugaya lifts his finger and listens to the message.

"They've decided that you will be staying on my team because of the actions you took to protect me earlier today." My face lights up and I wrap my arms around him causing him to lose his balance and fall back on the couch.

"Well aren't you two just getting cozy," Matsumoto chuckles as she walks in.

"It's not what it seems," I say quickly getting off of Hitsugaya.

"It's ok, I won't tell," she says with a grin.

"Matsumoto stop messing with Mai."

"Ah, but Captain it's so fun," Matsumoto wines.

"Its fine," I say as I look over at Matsumoto.

"So what have you been doing today?"

"Paperwork," she pouts.

"Well if you did your paperwork when you're supposed to there wouldn't be so much," I tell her.

"Mai, you should help me like you did for Hitisugaya." I chuckle at her suggestion.

"I would, but you're on your own."

"But Mai," she wines and I shake my head.

"Next time you should just do your work." She sighs and I just chuckle to myself again.

"Well I'm going back to training. Have fun Matsumoto."

I wanted to figure out how my sword iced over. I knew it had something to do with my Aquarius powers but I don't know how I did it. I think it had something to do with y need to protect Hitsugaya, but that didn't really help me figure out how to reenact it.

I sigh as I set out to work.

.::Hitsugaya's POV::.

Hitsugaya couldn't really focus on his work and found himself time and time again looking out his window to where Mai was working on something. From what he could gather she was trying to get her sword to ice over. As he watched her he made a mental note of teaching her that next if she doesn't get it down by the time she goes to bed. With how she trains though, she may not go to bed if she doesn't get it. She always worked so hard, both he loved and admired it but it saddened him when she worked herself to exhaustion and she passed out.

Secretly to himself he hoped that she would sleep next to him tonight. He's grown so used to her sleeping next to him that he doesn't want it to end. He was still worried of her being taken away from him and waking up next to her and having her in his arms assured him that she was still there and ok. But the main reason he wanted her to sleep next to him is he loved the feel of his arms wrapped around her and her figure curled into him as she barred her face in his chest and slept soundly. He never wanted that to end.

.::Mai's POV::.

I finally figured out how I iced my sword after a few hours of working on it! I was so excited and I was about to go tell Hitsugaya when I see that it was about ten at night. Instead of possibly waking him up I head to my room and curl up to go to sleep.

I felt very lonely as I lie in my cold bed. I toss and turn trying to find a position I can get comfortable in, but it was no use. Giving up on sleep I lie on my back and stare at the wall, but even after a while that bored me.

"Maybe I can sleep with Hitsugaya," I ponder for a bit. I felt bad if I woke him, but I get up and walk over to Hitsugaya's room. I quietly open the room and slip in as I approach the bed I softly call out to Hitsugaya.

"Mai," he says just as softly as I had.

"Can I sleep with you tonight," I ask a bit sheepish.

"You can always sleep with me," he says and I slip under the covers. It didn't take long for sleep to sub come me as the lonely feeling leaves me and I'm as comfortable as can be in the warmth of Hitsugaya's arms.

**AN: I know it's been a while since I've updated and I apologize for that I was away for a month and had no access to this document and I've just now got around to finishing it. Please forgive and the only reason it's so short is this is just the set up story for the big stuff and those loose ends I've had needed to be tied up before I can bring out the shocker stuff I've held back from you guys.**


	23. In Death We are Set Free

"Ugh," I complain to myself as my kido spell explodes in myself again. I suck at kido. I can do everything right as a shinigami except kido spells.

"I don't have to be at this to stay as a shinigami do I Hitsugaya?" I look over my shoulder to where Hitsugaya was watching me.

"No, you just have to be able to perform it." I sigh at his answer but continue to try and perform even the most basic kido spell.

Almost half a year has passed now that Haru was executed and I have become an actual shinigami of squad ten. It was scary I admit it, going up in front of the Central 46. The results were some of my favorite though since I get to stay here and live my life with everyone here and become a true shinigami trained by Hitsugaya instead of going back to the world of the living. Apparently every Aquarius must go through that and I've learned that there are more than just Aquariuses there are; Libra, Gemini, Capricorn, all of the zodiac signs are real. The zodiac signs were based off of the stars, but named after us back when everyone was able to see hallows an ability that has greatly recessed over the years.

"Are you ready for your first mission," Hitsugaya asks after a while and I turn to look at him.

"Yeah, now that we know where it is instead of wondering around for it."

"Well, it's time for you to regroup before heading off," he says standing up and I follow him out.

"Mai," my group captain says greeting me as I enter the room we held the meeting in.

"Akio," I say nodding my head and looking over the plans myself with the others as he goes over the plans verbally.

"Any questions," he asks out loud looking around to see if anyone had any questions. No one did though it was quite simple after all.

"Mai," Akio says as he walks up beside me.

"Hm," I ask turning in towards him.

"If any of us get hurt, I want you to come in immediately. You've taken all of us down before your training. You're even stronger now. Until then just keep freezing the creature so it doesn't get away like it had from the last team."

"Will do Akio," I say and he sighs at me.

"You really are never formal with anyone are you?" I think about it for a bit then shake my head.

"Nope, only with Sui-Feng, Yamamoto, and Central 46." He sighs at me.

"I think it's cool that she treats everyone as equals. You'd make a great captain Mai,"

"Thanks Aoi," I say smiling at him.

"I can see it now Captain Fan, has a nice right to it right," Aoi says wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"Defiantly," Ai says wrapping her arm around my neck as well.

"Sounds like a bunch of butt kissers to me."

"Shut up Yoshiro," Ai snaps at Jeff's replacement as I still refer to him as.

"He means nothing by it, he just acts mean," Yuuto says.

Yuuto still hung around Haru and the other replacements, but he's still that sweet innocent boy. I had seen a couple times as well as to what they had meant by his personality being completely different when he fights because when he fights he's ruthless.

Five hours of looking, but we finally found the creature that we've been looking for and now that I see it I can understand why this was a top priority. We had all known that it wasn't a hollow that we were going up against, but one of my own. The little girl that was standing in front of me in flames was an Aries.

When one of my kind die, whether it be an Aquarius, Aries, Leo, or any other of my kind it can be very dangerous. Most when they die are fine and with no problems, but that's not always the case because we die with our memories and if something pushes us over the edge they lose control, its worse it they died before they ever received their training.

"Alright everyone, get into formation," Akio shouts at everyone, but just seconds later was cut in half with a fire whip. The two halves burst in flames on contact and before the two half even fell to the ground the ashes that remained of Akio are swept away by the wind.

**Akio**, I cry mentally to myself, but I know what I have to do as well. Akio isn't the first comrade of mine to fall and I know he won't be the last.

I put on the face of my Death's Angel. It's been quite some time since I've done this, but it was like seeing an old friend again; you fall into each others familiar presence naturally as if nothing has changed.

"Positions," I shout at everyone as the second in command of this mission. A few people look back at me, hesitant, but they listen to me none the less as everyone gets into formation. I stay back where I am and find my center happy place of tranquility.

An Aquarius' power draws from the calm happiness of that person. If emotions are out of control then you do not have control over your powers, or at least less than you normally would. Hitsugaya and I discovered that while working one day.

To find that place I go over a few memories of my family and me together. A Few of them were of my parents and me, a couple with my sister, some of Hitsugaya and me, and one that I wish for as Hitsugaya and I lie together able to be together open about are relationship; no false title that we know is just a pretty way of dressing up the fact that we were dating, no secrecy, it was just us in love and that's all that matters.

I open my eyes and summon on my strength and begin to fight fire with ice. I couldn't freeze the Aries and even as I had the fire under control my comrades were still dying one after one. They had damaged them and slowed them down; my comrades could not kill them.

Every last one of my comrades was now dead. Every last one of them had fallen as I stand away from the battle seeming as fine as can be and holding on to my happy memories so I can keep this person's fire out.

"You killed them," I say deadly calm as I stop keeping the Aries flames out and calmly draw my sword. "You killed my friends," I say louder rushing towards her summoning my ice dragon wings. I take off in the air and rush down towards them, my sword was poised to kill and that's what I truly wanted right now.

The Aries roars at me, but something about it stops me. I wasn't a roar cry, but one filled with pain and sorrow.

Those few seconds of hesitation was all they needed as they tackled me, but ice armor formed around me and protected me from the Aries deadly flames. With my armor I also had my tail form allowing me to wrap my tail around their feet and slam them to the ground. Without hesitating and sounds of anguish in their cries I stab the Aries in the heart.

I close my eyes, panting heavily from the adrenalin rush. As I open my eyes it wasn't the Aries engulfed in flames that I saw. Instantly two things hit me.

I just killed my little sister's soul and

My mother had an affair with an Aries man

I look down at her, numb to my core. She looked just as she had when I last saw her, the night I was brought to the Shikigami world, but she looked healthier. Her black hair had a shine to it and her fair skin had a pigment to it instead of deathly white.

"I wasn't supposed to see her again Hitsugaya, that was our agreement." A few tears fall and as I open my eyes again to look at my sister I notice a second blade that was in her hands and was stabbed in my gut.

It was odd, I have always feared death but now as I close my eyes and allow my life to slip me by I welcomed it. The world of the dead was where I've wanted to live for about a year now and when you're dying to come to a place like this how could you be afraid of what lied a head of you? I'd even be blessed with the memories of my life as a living person unlike most which means I'll still remember Hitsugaya. Plus since I'm dead now I can be with Hitsugaya just like in the future I've always wanted. No secrets. No lies about what we really are. Just me and Hitsugaya for as long as we wish it.

~The End~


End file.
